I did it! I broke it off last night!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 54
I did it! I broke it off last night!
And then got off the phone and cried. Stupid me.
But I feel so great this morning. The dread is gone. I've done it so I don't have to dread it anymore.
He has 10 more weeks of rehab and therapy and 24 hour support so he'll be OK.
He called me last night and as is usual, went on and on and on about himself, no questions about me, the kids, what's going on... typical.
He referred at one point to me as his "girlfriend" and that was kind of it. I stopped him and said "I'm not your girlfriend anymore. I haven't been for several months and you know that." I went on to tell him that his alcoholism got too much credit for the bad behavior that hurt me so much, and that he wasn't drunk for 4 months while he was having an affair behind my back and he wasn't drunk a few weeks ago when he became physically violent. I told him he might fix the alcoholism thing but it was really his anger and inability to treat women well that killed off our relationship.
I told him it was dead and that he had killed it and that I had serious doubts that he could repair it. He said "Well I AM sorry" and that was it for the great apology he is supposed to make to the people he hurts. "Well I AM sorry". That's it?
He said he'd call me tomorrow but after I got off the phone and cried, I picked up this hilarious book called "It's Called a Breakup Because Its Broken" and I'm officially now on their ex-boyfriend Detox program.
The first step is "Don't see him or talk to him for 60 days". That should be easy since he's in rehab. If he calls, I just have to tell him not to call me and I'll see him after rehab when he comes back to work.
I feel so great. All that dread is gone. I'm sure in a few hours the "lonelies" will hit and self pity will come crawling in but I feel like I'm off to a good start.
I'm off to buy SHOES!
But I feel so great this morning. The dread is gone. I've done it so I don't have to dread it anymore.
He has 10 more weeks of rehab and therapy and 24 hour support so he'll be OK.
He called me last night and as is usual, went on and on and on about himself, no questions about me, the kids, what's going on... typical.
He referred at one point to me as his "girlfriend" and that was kind of it. I stopped him and said "I'm not your girlfriend anymore. I haven't been for several months and you know that." I went on to tell him that his alcoholism got too much credit for the bad behavior that hurt me so much, and that he wasn't drunk for 4 months while he was having an affair behind my back and he wasn't drunk a few weeks ago when he became physically violent. I told him he might fix the alcoholism thing but it was really his anger and inability to treat women well that killed off our relationship.
I told him it was dead and that he had killed it and that I had serious doubts that he could repair it. He said "Well I AM sorry" and that was it for the great apology he is supposed to make to the people he hurts. "Well I AM sorry". That's it?
He said he'd call me tomorrow but after I got off the phone and cried, I picked up this hilarious book called "It's Called a Breakup Because Its Broken" and I'm officially now on their ex-boyfriend Detox program.
The first step is "Don't see him or talk to him for 60 days". That should be easy since he's in rehab. If he calls, I just have to tell him not to call me and I'll see him after rehab when he comes back to work.
I feel so great. All that dread is gone. I'm sure in a few hours the "lonelies" will hit and self pity will come crawling in but I feel like I'm off to a good start.
I'm off to buy SHOES!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
What a perfect "opening" your Xabf gave you to let him know that he is officially now out of the picture. Now of course your thoughts and feelings will need a re-program, to make sure he is out of them ASAP.
Being so involved for a long time, can have a few step backs in doing that, but you are really on a roll and will handle it well, I am sure.
Good luck for your freedom from HIS problems, and the making of your new life, love and happiness.
God bless
Being so involved for a long time, can have a few step backs in doing that, but you are really on a roll and will handle it well, I am sure.
Good luck for your freedom from HIS problems, and the making of your new life, love and happiness.
God bless
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
(((Redux)))
It does feel good to make decisions that are in our own best interest and not have to worry about someone else's reaction.
May you find peace and serenity as you continue to take care of YOU.
It does feel good to make decisions that are in our own best interest and not have to worry about someone else's reaction.
May you find peace and serenity as you continue to take care of YOU.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by Redux 
I went on to tell him that his alcoholism got too much credit for the bad behavior that hurt me so much, and that he wasn't drunk for 4 months while he was having an affair behind my back and he wasn't drunk a few weeks ago when he became physically violent. I told him he might fix the alcoholism thing but it was really his anger and inability to treat women well that killed off our relationship.
YES! You hit the nail on the head! Just because he's an alcoholic doesn't mean he isn't also an a**hole.
Congratulations on breaking it off!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Congratulations on taking that huge step.
I heard the "I'm sorry" thing too after all the pain and heartache he put me and the kids through. It just didn't seem like enough and it felt weak and pathetic.
Today start your new life! Be ready for some serious speed bumps but keep the momentum going forward.
I heard the "I'm sorry" thing too after all the pain and heartache he put me and the kids through. It just didn't seem like enough and it felt weak and pathetic.
Today start your new life! Be ready for some serious speed bumps but keep the momentum going forward.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by Redux
The first step is "Don't see him or talk to him for 60 days". That should be easy since he's in rehab. If he calls, I just have to tell him not to call me and I'll see him after rehab when he comes back to work.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
good for you. The lonliness will come but you know what? Over time it gets less and less. More of the time is good times. One thing I know I do not miss at all is the dread. Will she come when she is supossed to, cook the diner she said she would or even reply to the cute text I sent her. I think a lot of us just learn to settle for way too little. You, I, we all deserve more from our partners. Good for you in placing yourself somewhere where you can grow and open doors for you better wellbeing.
BTW, the NC (no contact) thing is hard but vital I think. Too easy to get sucked back in. I am going on almost 3 1/2 months now.
BTW, the NC (no contact) thing is hard but vital I think. Too easy to get sucked back in. I am going on almost 3 1/2 months now.
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