Caitsith

Hubby and i have hardly spoken to eachother since fri. He was drinking fri,after a bender the night before. It ended in an argument. I don't argue with anymore and havent done for a while. But Thursday night i did,he hurt me with the things he said. So he was back out fri night. I just tried to let him get on with it over the weekend,answering him if he spoke. He didn't go out over the weekend for once.

Well this eve it started around 5 pm,i usually do dinner about this time. ( I dont really eat when im really stressed as i feel too sick ) I was waiting for the scan on my computer to finally finish and he got up off the sofa and went into the kitchen. I followed sortly after and asked what type of pasta he wanted ( perfectly innocent question i thought!) He snapped his answer at me to which i replied..please? He then said 'oh forget it,i dont want any' and walked out the kitchen! I took some deep breaths ( as i have now learnt!) and went back in the lounge and selfishly thought HA! i dont have to dinner ! (Only joking!) I said to him that i was only asking what you wanted. To which i had no reply. Then after a few mins he got off the sofa again an went back into the kitchen and started doing the wasing up !!! Then i heard things being clattered about, took another deep breath and went back myself. I calmly asked what he was doing and got a sarcastic reply..'Well someones got to do it' Now, i do all the housework,cleaning cooking everything and it's not often i leave the washing up till i do dinner and he knows this. I asked him to stop as i thought he was going to give himself a heartattack the way he was. But i just let him carry on as he refused.

After another 4 or 5 mins after he had finished he then cooked himself something to eat. Later this eve, he went back into the kitchen and then came though to ask me how long does pasta take to cook ( i was really getting stressed) I probably should of said what i did,but i could't help but be a bit offish. I told him that im sure hes cooked it before ( I know he has)

After about half an hour, he came in with dinner made for the both of us. And expected some huge praise and a medal for this!

Is it just me or is this mood swings? Its like hes got REALLY bad PMT!
It's sometimes like living with a wearewolf but i cant use the moon to judge when he's going to turn!
I didn't get a goodnight kiss this eve when he went to bed so im expecting he will be on a bender tomorow and it wouldn't surprise me if at some point tomorow i will get some nasty texts from him.

Learn2Live

Ooh, how stressful. At least you're not crying now though, right? Good for you! See, it's getting better already.

Uh, sounds like he was hungover and had a bug in his pants and that you tried to communicate with him because that's what married people who live together do, right? But it turned into something uncomfortable.

Probably better to avoid him and just go about your business when he's like that.

I'm glad he made dinner for you. I wish someone would make dinner for me so I can stop eating rice pudding

Caitsith

Ha! And there was me thinking he didn't know where the kitchen was !! LOL Hey, if i could,i'll come and cook you some dinner ! ! No, i was good,i didn't cry although i was shakin a bit! And, yes ive been drinking my water!! I took deep breaths too! Im supposed to go to stress management but i cant be in the same room as a lot of people,that's part of my problem! Yeah i suppose he didn't have to make me dinner too, he can be selfish that way when he's in one of HIS moods! It was like he was trying to make conversation sometimes today and when i engaged in replying he kind of cut me off dead as it were. Im not looking forward to tomorow if he does start sending nasty texts though.

Learn2Live

Quote:

i cant be in the same room as a lot of people,that's part of my problem!

Me, too. You're not alone. I was just posting about that earlier today.

Way to go on the breathing and water! You were truly my inspiration as I RARELY drink water the way we are supposed to and because of YOU, I've been drinking LOTS of water since you and I talked here! THANK YOU!

Tomorrow, read the first text and if it's nasty, delete it and don't read anymore of his texts. Just ignore them. I've had to teach myself to just not saying anything. It's weird at first, but I've gotten used to it.

OK, I'm ready and waiting with knife, spoon, and fork. What's for dinner?

Caitsith

What ever you want !!! (Hugs) Thanks! , now i have a craving for rice pud !! HA HA! Will do as you said,i will ignore them Keep drinking that water!!

Learn2Live

How about lasagne? Mmmmm.... I can't wait!

Caitsith

Lasagne it is! Anything for afters?!
Well that was a little wierd,last eve abot 6 i had just finished writing this text to say that i had no nasty texts and as he hadn't come home again, he was out on a bender gaain. Which was good for me really,it gave me some time for me and i didn't have to put up with the awful atmosphere which had been hanging around since last week. And that i had a call from SHARPS who can give me help and support. They can also help him too but were going through EDDAS at the moment but i will talk to them about this too when i go for my appointment. Anyway, as i was just reading through my post before i submittied it,my phone went. It was a text from him. I didn't want to read it because i was all nice an calm ( sort of). But i eventually read the text and it said 'What's for dinner?' I immediatley got stressed again at the cheek of this! Ok it wasn't nasty but he obviously though that him not comming home, staying out drinking etc and expects me to cook his dinner when he decides to come home?! I loath it when he's like this not just it hurts me but also because he's not really like this as a person he never has been. I know it's the drink and cocaine but.... ARRRRRRR!!!! I replied with 'Not a lot,i didn't know you wanted any' ( As we hardly have any food at the moment as he spending it all on the usual) I think it was to purposley start an argument so he could stay out. 'he replied with 'Dont bother then' Then sent another saying he will sort it out when he gets in' (which he put a X on the end)

The way he is at the moment is different to how he usually is,i can't quite explaine it. In seven years, i thought i had seen pretty much everything with him but instead of the usual, go on a bender for a few days,a week or even 9 weeks!,have the arrogant and aggressive bit,have the guilt trip felling sorry for himself, then the 'Nothings right,everythigs wrong,nothing works etc' then the genuine sorry ( not often enough but it does happen!) iv'e not had any of that ?!..yet. I guess he's still continuing on the bender. All i am getting is the arrogant and aggressive side which is unsuall. From the state of him last night he came in about 7 he hadn't had that much at all.
So there went my eveing to myself!!

Limiya

With cocaine and alchohol people tend to usually become quite agressive, and more so over time.
Addicts are generally not happy people. I've never met one who is happy, and they can be very moody.
I've witnessed all kinds of mood swings.
Hyper activity, constant talking, argumentative up to aggression. Caused by the coke.

Maybe he went out last night and didn't use enough to cause the spiral you're used to? He came home at 7pm right?

Hope things pick up for you soon.
Much love.

~Limiya~

Caitsith

Thanks Limiya. Yeah he did come in earlier that usual. And i can handel the usual moods but this is something different. I found out today from a friend that he's not doing the dugs,just the drink at the moment so this could explaine it maybe? Although this wont last. At the moment all im getting is the arrogant and agressive side,nothing else. The past two nights i haven't wanted him to come home cause of this ! So i can have time for me !! Never thought i hear myself say that !!

Limiya

You might find that if his friends are telling the truth and he is only drinking, then this may be a reason he is so moody. Alchohol is a depressant anyway, and when someone is suddenly trying to keep off drugs then they can be very depressed and angry.
Is he working any type of program?

What i found though with my ABF was everytime he would go out with the intention to just drink and not coke, it wouldn't work. Most of the time the alchohol would cause him to want to get coke and then would spiral and become agressive!

I hope he's off the coke as his friends say, but with alchohol it usually makes them use anyway.
As i don't know you ABF i can't say why he is angry and aggressive, only he can answer that.
Just look after yourself in the meantime.

Much love and take care,
~Limiya~

Caitsith

Thanks again Limiya. My husband always does both. The friend is my friend too, he knows and understands what is going on ( he has been in my situation,his ex was the same as my husband) And we quite often have a chat about it all. So i know that hubby has not been doing the drugs, just the drink.
Although the past 3 days hes come home and then gone out drinkin,and the moods are the worst ive ever seen,he's not staying out ALL night like usual,which is a new one! Hubby is not on a program yet,we are waiting for the appointment with EDDAS.

Limiya

You may find once he is actively in a program, his moods will improve. When addicts stop using coke, they will feel depressed for a long time and find it difficult to feel happy, because the brain is still relying on the coke to feel good.
He is probably finding it difficult to cope with his cravings, and so is withdrawn and snappy.. it's probably all he can focus on right now.

Unless he tells you what is wrong, or you ask him, just continue doing what you need to keep youself focussed.
I'm sorry i can't be of more help. I know it's difficult when you want to know what they're thinking and feeling, only to realise you're not a mind reader. LOL.

Best of luck to you.
~Limiya~

Caitsith

Thanks Limiya. I was doing so well untill yesterday! I had been using the time that he was out using and going on benders for me. Doing things i wanted to do and time for myself. He stopped for a few days,we started talking,or rather he did! Then last night he came back from work,then went out and started again. But this time it's got to me again it seems im back to square one with the way i cope. If that makes sense? He hasn't come home again today,im trying so hard to think the way i had been but i cant seem to get my head in it. Im also constantly worried ( I know i shouldn't be ) about an organisation he's got himself into. It is just not him at all. It's my birthday on sat,i was hoping that hubby and i could spend it together but it looks like i will be spending it on my own !