What are some of your goals???
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: California
Posts: 51
What are some of your goals???
Well, I did it. Just like some of you suggested I went to an Al Anon meeting. Actually I've been to two of them now. It's been a long time coming. Thank you all for leading me in the right direction. I know that gaining knowledge about this disease and how it is affecting me, my mom and the rest of my family is very important. We can be strong and victorious in this war against alcohol.
The first meeting was nice but too short in my opinion and not very open about specifics, not enough time I guess. The second one I went to was last night and whoa, I was tearing up at some of these stories. It was at night and longer too. In this meeting the people seemed more open with their problems and how they handled them. I found myself saying to myself, wow, that is like me and my mom, or that's what my brother is going through, or my dad. It was like a different level than the other meeting. Even one of the ladies at the end commented that the meeting took a new turn at some point when one woman, who came a little late, was crying about her son. I was new so I didn't say anything except my name. I just listened and learned. I will probably go back next week. The topic was "change the things you can" and some expressed difficulty with this and some success. I was glad to hear that there is hope for me to change my thinking but also that it is not easy and there are times I will fail. My goals for change are:
1. Not try to fix my Amom by yelling at her, pleading with her etc...
2. Not to respond in negative ways, lose my temper or take it personal etc.... when someone criticizes me or my family or picks a fight for no reason
3. Work on myself and how God wants me to respond to.
4. Not to get involved in an argument that someone else starts and know how to get out of the situation calmly and quickly. This is hard. It can go south quickly if I miss the chance to show God's love and revert to #2 behavior.
5. Not to feel guilt or regret that my mom tries to lay on me
6. Not to believe everything she says or take sides either. I think she tries to control the family by pitting us against each other and bringing up past offenses, whether true or not.
There are more, but these are good starts...
What are some of your goals or what have you learned and changed about yourself in fighting this disease????
Jesus said, "Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind"
The first meeting was nice but too short in my opinion and not very open about specifics, not enough time I guess. The second one I went to was last night and whoa, I was tearing up at some of these stories. It was at night and longer too. In this meeting the people seemed more open with their problems and how they handled them. I found myself saying to myself, wow, that is like me and my mom, or that's what my brother is going through, or my dad. It was like a different level than the other meeting. Even one of the ladies at the end commented that the meeting took a new turn at some point when one woman, who came a little late, was crying about her son. I was new so I didn't say anything except my name. I just listened and learned. I will probably go back next week. The topic was "change the things you can" and some expressed difficulty with this and some success. I was glad to hear that there is hope for me to change my thinking but also that it is not easy and there are times I will fail. My goals for change are:
1. Not try to fix my Amom by yelling at her, pleading with her etc...
2. Not to respond in negative ways, lose my temper or take it personal etc.... when someone criticizes me or my family or picks a fight for no reason
3. Work on myself and how God wants me to respond to.
4. Not to get involved in an argument that someone else starts and know how to get out of the situation calmly and quickly. This is hard. It can go south quickly if I miss the chance to show God's love and revert to #2 behavior.
5. Not to feel guilt or regret that my mom tries to lay on me
6. Not to believe everything she says or take sides either. I think she tries to control the family by pitting us against each other and bringing up past offenses, whether true or not.
There are more, but these are good starts...
What are some of your goals or what have you learned and changed about yourself in fighting this disease????
Jesus said, "Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind"
hypercube
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 306
My goals in regards to my Mum:
- Work on a balance between loving and supporting her, but not protecting her from her own choices.
- Accepting that she did some pretty awful stuff, and working through the dissonance.
- Forgiving her for being human, but still, and with the deepest love, holding her accountable for her actions.
- Letting go of the guilt about breaking the silence.
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