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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Hi everyone I'm jesse and I'm an alcoholic.
well here is my deal. I am 24 years old. I would say Im an alcoholic without doubt. But here is a little background on me. I never cared much for drinking. I was more into smoking weed. One day I just decided to stop smoking after 5 years of smoking atleast a gram of marijuana daily. One day after all the struggles and stress to my family and girlfriend, i stopped. No withdrawl symptoms nothing it was easy and great. everyone was happy for me including myself. Then after about a month, i started feeling "bored with my time" I was out of work for about 6 months. I told myself not to go back to marijuana, first off its illegal, more easy to get caught and i should be over that stage. So i said hey.. drinking is for adults i am 22 now i can do what i want. So it Started with Mgd 40 ouncers... 1 a day .. then 2 a day.. then i said forget it.. it takes too long to get drunk like this ... thats when i went into hard liquor. Popov vodka.. for about a year straight .. atleast a 5th daily non stop.. sometimes a pint daily on weekends... that took a toll on me, and i felt it right after the weekends. i decided just recently after about a year and a half of mixing the hard liquor and beer, that i just want to drink beer.. So now i was able to cut out the vodka .. now on weekdays i drink about a 40 ounce daily or at the most 4 beers. on weekends its more. Fine watever.
but this is my dilemma..
I have a good job i have been in for the last 2 years. I am never late, Ive had the same gf for the last 4 years, I also play indoor soccer, and work out. BUT IM AN ALCOHOLIC! something doesn't fit right? I dont feel normal, i feel like i am being controlled. However I do not want to completely stop//.. i want to be normal like my parents and sister, and just drink like NORMAL .. drink at a reunion. or drink once in a while.or have a beer with dinner. the fact that instead of getting worse after drinking large amounts of vodka daily, and bring it down to 3 to 4 beers of like coors light a night, makes me feel that i can also bring it down to a bare minimum to maybe even to a daily recommended dose. 1 or two beers daily of light beer. But i am scared. Im scared that i dunno. I am scared of something but im not even sure what im scared of, thats why i came here. I get off work and i go get a 40 ounce. then i know that if i drink it at ten pm it will take me until about 11 pm to drink it,. then the liquor store will be closed, so i cant get anymore for the night,. I do that purposely. I dunno this all feels like i just babbled on, but i guess its just feelings released that i can't normally release to certain people for certain reasons.
well here is my deal. I am 24 years old. I would say Im an alcoholic without doubt. But here is a little background on me. I never cared much for drinking. I was more into smoking weed. One day I just decided to stop smoking after 5 years of smoking atleast a gram of marijuana daily. One day after all the struggles and stress to my family and girlfriend, i stopped. No withdrawl symptoms nothing it was easy and great. everyone was happy for me including myself. Then after about a month, i started feeling "bored with my time" I was out of work for about 6 months. I told myself not to go back to marijuana, first off its illegal, more easy to get caught and i should be over that stage. So i said hey.. drinking is for adults i am 22 now i can do what i want. So it Started with Mgd 40 ouncers... 1 a day .. then 2 a day.. then i said forget it.. it takes too long to get drunk like this ... thats when i went into hard liquor. Popov vodka.. for about a year straight .. atleast a 5th daily non stop.. sometimes a pint daily on weekends... that took a toll on me, and i felt it right after the weekends. i decided just recently after about a year and a half of mixing the hard liquor and beer, that i just want to drink beer.. So now i was able to cut out the vodka .. now on weekdays i drink about a 40 ounce daily or at the most 4 beers. on weekends its more. Fine watever.
but this is my dilemma..
I have a good job i have been in for the last 2 years. I am never late, Ive had the same gf for the last 4 years, I also play indoor soccer, and work out. BUT IM AN ALCOHOLIC! something doesn't fit right? I dont feel normal, i feel like i am being controlled. However I do not want to completely stop//.. i want to be normal like my parents and sister, and just drink like NORMAL .. drink at a reunion. or drink once in a while.or have a beer with dinner. the fact that instead of getting worse after drinking large amounts of vodka daily, and bring it down to 3 to 4 beers of like coors light a night, makes me feel that i can also bring it down to a bare minimum to maybe even to a daily recommended dose. 1 or two beers daily of light beer. But i am scared. Im scared that i dunno. I am scared of something but im not even sure what im scared of, thats why i came here. I get off work and i go get a 40 ounce. then i know that if i drink it at ten pm it will take me until about 11 pm to drink it,. then the liquor store will be closed, so i cant get anymore for the night,. I do that purposely. I dunno this all feels like i just babbled on, but i guess its just feelings released that i can't normally release to certain people for certain reasons.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Welcome, SoberTheDream, to SR.
So you think you're an alcoholic, and you're scared of...something that keeps you from moderate drinking. Sobriety may be right for you, my friend...
If you stick around and read others' posts and post too, you'll find lots of support and probably relate to most other peoples' stories. There's a lot of experience & support in here.
It's not abnormal to be an alcoholic and hold down a job, play sports, etc, btw.
Take care,
-TB, who used to like liquor too and isn't drinking tonight
So you think you're an alcoholic, and you're scared of...something that keeps you from moderate drinking. Sobriety may be right for you, my friend...
If you stick around and read others' posts and post too, you'll find lots of support and probably relate to most other peoples' stories. There's a lot of experience & support in here.
It's not abnormal to be an alcoholic and hold down a job, play sports, etc, btw.
Take care,
-TB, who used to like liquor too and isn't drinking tonight
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Jesse
Everyone will a drinking problem wants to be able to drink like 'normal'. I don't know if you can do it - I know I tried for 20 years and I couldn't manage.
There's no trick to it I'm afraid - none that I know of anyway - either you can drink normally or you can't IMO.
Moderate drinking guidelines are as good as normal as you'll get - in the USA its:
could you do that, don't binge at weekends, be happy with it, and not obsess about drinking when you're not doing it?
Most of us here are abstinent, Jesse, but we're a supportive bunch
I hope the responses you'll get here can help you work out some stuff anyway.
There are many tests online to help you determine if you have a drinking problem: this one is created by the World Health Organisation. Take it - honestly - and look at what your score tells you.
Am I Alcoholic?
It's not conclusive, but it's a start
D
Everyone will a drinking problem wants to be able to drink like 'normal'. I don't know if you can do it - I know I tried for 20 years and I couldn't manage.
There's no trick to it I'm afraid - none that I know of anyway - either you can drink normally or you can't IMO.
Moderate drinking guidelines are as good as normal as you'll get - in the USA its:
no more than two drinks a day for most men.
A standard drink would be 12 oz. of beer, 5 oz. of wine, or 1.5 oz. of 80-proof distilled liquor. Plan to have at least two to three alcohol free days each week.
A standard drink would be 12 oz. of beer, 5 oz. of wine, or 1.5 oz. of 80-proof distilled liquor. Plan to have at least two to three alcohol free days each week.
Most of us here are abstinent, Jesse, but we're a supportive bunch
I hope the responses you'll get here can help you work out some stuff anyway.
There are many tests online to help you determine if you have a drinking problem: this one is created by the World Health Organisation. Take it - honestly - and look at what your score tells you.
Am I Alcoholic?
It's not conclusive, but it's a start
D
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Jesse you already said you were an alcoholic, so no need beating around the bush here.
Do some reading on the progression of alcoholism, as long as an alcoholic drinks it gets worse, it never gets better nor does it level off at some point. It always gets worse as long as an alcoholic drinks.
I reached the point where I did not draw a sober breath for 5 years, alcohol owned me lock, stock, & barrel, I was still holding down my job that I have had for many years, but I was startiing to really mess up at times. My marriage was all but over at the end. I had reached the point of being a BARELY functioning alcoholic.
It has been almost 3 years since my last drink, life is so easy today not drinking, but it took time and work for me to hit the point I am at now. The obsession to drink has been gone for some time now as a result of the program & fellowship of AA and me continuing to apply the program daily to my life.
Hang around, ask questions and read.
Do some reading on the progression of alcoholism, as long as an alcoholic drinks it gets worse, it never gets better nor does it level off at some point. It always gets worse as long as an alcoholic drinks.
I reached the point where I did not draw a sober breath for 5 years, alcohol owned me lock, stock, & barrel, I was still holding down my job that I have had for many years, but I was startiing to really mess up at times. My marriage was all but over at the end. I had reached the point of being a BARELY functioning alcoholic.
It has been almost 3 years since my last drink, life is so easy today not drinking, but it took time and work for me to hit the point I am at now. The obsession to drink has been gone for some time now as a result of the program & fellowship of AA and me continuing to apply the program daily to my life.
Hang around, ask questions and read.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: rochester ny
Posts: 164
hi!
Theres a couple things you could do. Talk to your doctor about your drinking. He may be able to shed some light on whether or not your drinking is medically 'normal'. Maybe attend a couple of AA meetings and ask some people what makes an alcoholic.
It did catch my eye that your buying that one 40oz just late enough so that you cant get another one. Normal drinkers dont scheme like that.
If you can diagnose yourself as alcoholic, dont beat yourself up. Alcoholism is recognized as a medical condition. So the good news is, its not a matter of willpower. The bad news is, its not a matter of willpower. Meaning, if your alcoholic you are powerless over alcohol, and you need help.
AA is one route. There are other fellowships for secular recovery. I choose AA myself, mostly because its big in my city and easily accessible.
Hope you can figure it out!!
It did catch my eye that your buying that one 40oz just late enough so that you cant get another one. Normal drinkers dont scheme like that.
If you can diagnose yourself as alcoholic, dont beat yourself up. Alcoholism is recognized as a medical condition. So the good news is, its not a matter of willpower. The bad news is, its not a matter of willpower. Meaning, if your alcoholic you are powerless over alcohol, and you need help.
AA is one route. There are other fellowships for secular recovery. I choose AA myself, mostly because its big in my city and easily accessible.
Hope you can figure it out!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 3
Hi Jesse
Red here......I can so relate to the things you're saying. The other guys have so much wisdom to offer you, all I can do is sit alongside and say I'm right there with you.
Yeah, I would love to be able to drink socially, but it looks like we're similar in that we drink on our own......and I'm sick of waking up at 2 in the morning having fallen into a drunken stupor in my chair! Who knows what the future holds for either of us in our drinking.
For the min I'm just relaxing in the vibe from the guys here. Do keep in touch (no idea how you do that on here!!!)...and do keep posting. If it's any encouragement......today is the first day for.....too long....that I woke up with a clear head, no sweats, and bounced out of bed.....suspect it won't always be like this (well to be honest, know it !!!), but feels to me like you've come to the right place to start.
Take care
Red
Red here......I can so relate to the things you're saying. The other guys have so much wisdom to offer you, all I can do is sit alongside and say I'm right there with you.
Yeah, I would love to be able to drink socially, but it looks like we're similar in that we drink on our own......and I'm sick of waking up at 2 in the morning having fallen into a drunken stupor in my chair! Who knows what the future holds for either of us in our drinking.
For the min I'm just relaxing in the vibe from the guys here. Do keep in touch (no idea how you do that on here!!!)...and do keep posting. If it's any encouragement......today is the first day for.....too long....that I woke up with a clear head, no sweats, and bounced out of bed.....suspect it won't always be like this (well to be honest, know it !!!), but feels to me like you've come to the right place to start.
Take care
Red
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I haven't regretted not drinking.. and who the heck wants to be normal? lol.. jk.
I tried to drink 'moderately' for oh, about 10 years, until it almost killed me.
I would never want to drink again.. even if I "could". My life is way more fun and so much more exciting than it was when I was drinking. I'm not giving that back for any reason!
Hang in there.
I tried to drink 'moderately' for oh, about 10 years, until it almost killed me.
I would never want to drink again.. even if I "could". My life is way more fun and so much more exciting than it was when I was drinking. I'm not giving that back for any reason!
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: anaheim ca
Posts: 79
I agree with smacked on this one. I tried and tried to control my drinking/using of substances for about 9 years. The people that are considered "normal", are just as crazy, if not crazier than i am due to the fact that they stuck around and help enable me thinking that i would somehow change this time around.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Houston
Posts: 309
First, Welcome to SR.
Second, Tommy K nailed it. I was the only one I knew who drank like me. I wanted so badly to be a normal drinker. I watched my father have maybe two drinks a night while growing up, a few at reunions, etc. I was never like that. I'd rather the reunion be over already so I could really get the party started.
For a while, I couldn't imagine life w/o alcohol. How boring, right? Today, the thought of it makes me recoil. Abstinence is the only way for an alcoholic like myself. Best wishes, keep us posted
Second, Tommy K nailed it. I was the only one I knew who drank like me. I wanted so badly to be a normal drinker. I watched my father have maybe two drinks a night while growing up, a few at reunions, etc. I was never like that. I'd rather the reunion be over already so I could really get the party started.
For a while, I couldn't imagine life w/o alcohol. How boring, right? Today, the thought of it makes me recoil. Abstinence is the only way for an alcoholic like myself. Best wishes, keep us posted
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP as I understand
Him, and people like u here in SR
I havent found it necessary to pick
up a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
It took a many a meetings to listen
to others share their ESH with me
and others to understand that I
was in the right place amongst
many just like me. Members who
had a hard time fitting in with
family and friends who drank
normally.
I had to stop comparing and
blaming others for my disease
of alcoholism.
Thru rehab i was handed the
tools and knowledge of what
alcoholism was all about. Once
i realized I couldnt drink normally
like family and friends, then i
realized i had a purpose in life.
That purpose is to carry the message
of hope to others in recovery
just like I that we can live a happy
joyous fullfilled life without alcohol.
To share what it was like before
during and after alcohol.
That soul purpose in life gave me
a reason to live. What a joy it
has been to live another day
not worrying what others think
or how do i fit in.
Im finely free from all the cra*.
By the grace of my HP as I understand
Him, and people like u here in SR
I havent found it necessary to pick
up a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
It took a many a meetings to listen
to others share their ESH with me
and others to understand that I
was in the right place amongst
many just like me. Members who
had a hard time fitting in with
family and friends who drank
normally.
I had to stop comparing and
blaming others for my disease
of alcoholism.
Thru rehab i was handed the
tools and knowledge of what
alcoholism was all about. Once
i realized I couldnt drink normally
like family and friends, then i
realized i had a purpose in life.
That purpose is to carry the message
of hope to others in recovery
just like I that we can live a happy
joyous fullfilled life without alcohol.
To share what it was like before
during and after alcohol.
That soul purpose in life gave me
a reason to live. What a joy it
has been to live another day
not worrying what others think
or how do i fit in.
Im finely free from all the cra*.
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