snogs

I am new to this forum so first of all hello everyone. I have been around for over ten years now and had a great run of sober life. Beleve it or not i never did the steps, as i had a years sobrity before i came into the felloship. I did not have any real horror storys with my drinking, i just got bord with it and wanted to move on. I did a years white knucle sobrity before i discovered my local AA meeting and by that time all my frends had dropped me like a wet blanket for being a tea totaler. So when i went to my first meeting i found it very liberating to find honist friendly people i could identify with. After reading the big book and accepting a few sugestions the PROMISES materialised very quickly for me and my life changed for the better. my insomnia dissapeared, I got a good job, mortgaged a little house for myself and keep't things simple, i simply never felt the need to do the steps.
However, due to the global economic crises, i lost my job in febuary this year and apart from bits and peaces i have found it very difficult to land meaning ful employment since. this of course has had a large impact on my finances and i am having difficulty paying my mortgage. i have shared this with my group but there seems to be a stigma or taboo about financal matters in some AA metting's? I re'read the BB and it mentioned about economic insecuritys and to my understanding is nearly as dangerous as resentments or anger.
Any way, i have never been unemployed for this long ever and it has had a devistating impact on my life. i get very resentful, angry and my sleeping patterns have deteriated so with my back agenst the wall i decided to get a sponser and do the steps. i am on the invetorys at the moment, but when ever i cover any ground a window letter from the bank comes through the door to remind me i am a step closer to loosing my house. i find it increasingly harder to look for work as i can only take so much rejection and sometimes loose all hope of ever finding a job or finding it too late. does god really want me to loose my house?, because i can not see any good come of it. i am not asking any one to pay my mortgage, i am simply asking anyone who reads this if they can identify with me because surly i am not the only AA member to have been hit by the finacial meltdown?
PS, sorry about the bad spelling but i dont have spellcheck.

Rob B

There is a difference between recovery based in abstinence and recovery based in spirit, sounds like you are having an experience which may make you want to consider where and what you place your reliance on.

I have worshiped money and material, I would be lying if I said I was completely free of this, however, my real peace of mind comes from my relationship with my creator. I found the great reality within, by working the steps. This might be helpful for you. Feel free to PM me, either way,I'm sure it will work out for you the way it is supposed to.

snogs

Thanks for your reply and thank you for not judging me. i am pondering over where my reliance is. i have completed step 4 and think i have done as honised as a job as i could. I guess what i am saying is that i am trying hard at the steps/program/AA (partly because i have nothing elese to do) and feel resentful that i have all this finacel turmoil to deal with as well.............why could i not have an emotional breakdown when i was financually secure, when the econamy/jobmarket was secure? After typing that statment on the screen it sounds like yet another resentment so i think i might start step 4 again.
Although i am ten years in the felloship, this is the first time i have done the steps and understand that my past way of thinking has to go and i have to design a relationship of trust between me and god (as i under stand him) in order to have any future at all. I have to design a program wich inable's me to funtion in the modern world eg job/career, relationships, sprituallity etc. I am in my late thirtys and grew up on a farm where life was relitivly simple. Your name and reputation were your quilifications (regardless of your certs)wich is in stark contrast to modern ways of doing busness. i am now an unemployed plummer, i was made unimployed because i could not adapt to the presant ways of doing things, the sales pitches i was asked to make (wich i understood to be lies), the violent compeditve nature of work collegs, the ever increasing language barrier. I stoped using my program, developed a gross resentment/hate of the system, goverment, modern world that snowballed out of control culmanating with my inevadable dismissal and a catostfofic confidance/self esteem crash.
I am a worker ant, always have been, always will be. i am at peace with that so it is now clear to me why longterm unemployment has had such a negative effect on me. i beleve a job is an esenshal part of my recovery program.
I acept that i am obsolete.
I acept that i can learn and are willing to.
I realise i have not only be a plummer, but also a sales rep, bookeeper, I have to be able to deal with people, client's, employees and not run from that responsability. i have to learn how to be direct and thruthful with people and if i feel disrespected deal with those issues rationally, calmly and most of all rid my resentments towards them or i will have another brakedown. the world is changing all the time and i must change with it.
If any one can identify with this please reply.

CarolD

Welcome to SR snogs

Sorry I did not see you earlier

sugErspun

Snogs,
Thank you for such an honest thread. I don't think the things you are feeling are unique at all ~ but there are a couple things to consider.

Do you believe that resentments can kill you?

Was your decision at step 3 about turning your will and life over to God as you understand God, a full decision for which you did not have any other choice?

Do you agree with the statement on page 62 which states : "So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making." ?

Step 4 is not about learning to cope, it's about identifying and getting rid of that which is blocking you from the power needed to live a life that is worth living. Any approach which has to do with controlling ones environment, or the world around them is doomed to failure...at least the way I have experienced this life.

This is about letting go...not learning. If you need anything, please PM..

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf

snogs

thanks for your reply and for not judging me, i do beleve resentments can kill and are stuck on step 4 trying to rid myself of them with limeted success. as of step 3, i guess i am a little confused as how much i can depend on god as regards to my job. i struggle to hand 100% over to god as i dont expect him to pay my bills, that would be a lot of trust on my part, or am i wrong?
i can only asume god wants me to have a job and in my experiance love, honisty and respect have no place in the modern workplace. the goverment, system and the company i work for all promote gross competition amoung its employees, profit is the bottom line.
i sometimes feel that AA wants me to become a monk and the capitalistic world wants me to rule a kingdom.

thanks again