isogrrrl

Hi all
I just found this site and I think it may be my life saver. I just want to know how many others are dealing with not only someone who is back to their alcoholic ways but is always a diagnosed clinically depressed as well.
My story and I will try and make it brief is that my husband tried to commit suicide 3 years ago by taking 100 OTC sleeping pills. He then went to a private mental health facility for 2 years and is now out and living with me again for the last 10 months. I always told myself that his drinking was not alcoholism but he was self medicating for undiagnosed depression. Well, now he has been diagnosed and is taking 600 MG seraquel and 10 mg Paxil at night. He recently ( last 3-4 months) has started drinking beer again - 1st it was just a few in the evening and now he buys 3-4 40 oz bottles of Lite beer a day and drinks them in 3-4 hours or less. I have been trying to tell myself that he is just adapting to being "back out in the real world" but in all reality he is now on disability due to his depression so he just sits around the apartment drinking and smoking cigars while I go to work.
I am wanting him to get that he is basically drinking a 12 pack plus a day but I think he just sees the 4 40 ounce Coors Light..
he is so always concerned just about himself - I want to leave him but I always want to help him - wow does that sound familiar? I guess I still blame myself for his OD a few years ago and that I should have recognized the symptoms but I am not a psychologist and I kept thinking he would snap out of it.. he maniuplates me and basically indicates I make him unhappy.
I am not sure what I am asking here but has anyone else dealt with anybody being on these meds and starting to drink again - he didnt drink for almost 2 years.. so I guess I thought this was over but its not.. I just wanted some vindication that maybe the meds were causing the drinking again - I had read Paxil can do that.. or am I just beign wishful here and codependent and enabling??

Pelican

The drugs did not trigger the drinking. The addiction triggered the drinking.

You did not cause his addiction
You can not control his addiction
You will not cure his addiction.

Welcome to the SR family.

Your husband is playing a dangerous game mixing anti depressants and alcohol. I'm sure each bottle has the warning symbol for "Do Not Mix with alcohol". The effects of drinking 40 oz of beer on top of meds might be equivilant to 80 oz of beer. Doubling and sometime trippling the effect of alcohol.

So, how about you. What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Are you getting counseling, attending Alanon meetings?

Pull up a keyboard and make yourself comfortable!

OldDadBack

welcome IsoGrrl! This is definately a place that you can come to get support. Its not always the rosey answers you want to hear, but we are all here for you.
"I had read Paxil can do that.. or am I just beign wishful here and codependent and enabling?? "
Unfortunately, from everything I have learned about codependency and enabling, it sounds like that it what you are doing. You are looking for excuses in your mind as to why he is drinking again. It sounds like he is in denial and needs to go back to recovery.
My AH tried to kill himself twice this year. Once in July and once in August. There was nothing I could have done before hand to have prevented it. You have to let go of that guilt. It is eating you up. The only one responsible for the overdose is him. You cannot have foreseen it and prevented it. My AH drank and slit his wrists while I was sleeping upstairs. The second time I was at work on nights and he waited until I went to work....can't be a babysitter. You have to take care of yourself and set boundaries. Guilting him, shaming him, giving ultimateums aren't going to work. Plan what you think is the best and most healthy way of life for you, and tell him. He will have to make some decisions to come back to the living or become very lonely. Sorry to be so negative about it. Hoping things get better.

isogrrrl

OldDadBack and Pelican - thank you for the welcome and the insightful words. It is so good to know I am not alone. You are right - one drink equals 3 with the medicine. He has now gotten very verbally nasty when he drinks and of course, I am at fault.
We are moving back to Indiana in a couple months because here in GA - I have no support system which is why this forum and website is so good. My husband has gone from type A workalholic to Type L (lazy) alcoholic.
I have been the queen of denial and watched my .own life become isolated and completely focused on his health or lack of it. He is a good man when not drinking and I worry about him - I am a "fixer" but I see that I can't fix this - only he can and yes, I feel so guilty about his suicide attempt - so Pelican - your words were so helpful for me.. you know what it's like and you also know we can't STOP them.
I realize now that I must take care of me and that if I saw a woman or heard about a woman doing what I am doing - I would be appalled and wonder what was wrong with her.. and yet here I am..
Thank you again and I am so glad to have landed here - must have been guided by the universe.

Pelican

Stick around, you'll learn a lot about yourself! Some of the members here are grateful for the experience of living with active alcoholism. It has brought about positive changes in their lives that they might otherwise have missed out on.

I'm not quite there yet.....but I appreciate all the wisdom they share!

Bamboozle

Meds for depression are not effective if a person is using other substances.

My doctor wouldn't give me meds for depression until I quit drinking.

When I quit, I got meds and have been doing much better.

He needs to make a decision if he wants the depression to get better or not. If he quits drinking he has a chance.

isogrrrl

Bamboozle -

I know he quit drinking for 2 years and I believe the meds worked - but now he is drinking again and he seems to get drunker faster and also he gets very angry over nothing.. completely changes his persona..
I am sure his doctor does not know he is drinking again but I dont feel it is my business to tell him and the reason I say that is because my AH always says I am "in his business" - yeah that same old song so I have to let him figure it out - he is a college educated professional so he knows it intellectually but we all know that means nothing in the long run.
Do you mind me asking what meds you are on??

sb0804

Anti Depression meds and alcohol do not mix. My AW has done that and not only does she get drunk QUIK you can tell the meds are no longer working.

I will also say the anger is beyond belief when she drinks (especially the day after).

Bamboozle

I'm on generic Celexa (60mg/day) and generic Wellbutrin(100mg/day). The Celexa was recently bumped up to the max. I'm okay right now, but as soon as it isn't as effective I'll have to try something else. Unfortunately, that's the way it goes.

These meds are safe for me. I cannot get high off of them. All they do is keep the depression symptoms at bay. When they aren’t working I know I need a bump up or that I should try something else. I need them. Without them the suicidal thoughts take over control.

Interesting that the meds worked for him yet he picked up again. Were the meds not as effective for him after a while....or was it more of a thing where he was feeling better and figured he could drink? I'm not sure it matters. He's educated so he has to know that the meds won't be effective. Like the others said the warnings are all over the pamphlets/bottles.

I was on Seroquel a while ago for exactly four days and then I stopped taking it. I was only on 50mg a day. I had no idea why I was given a med for schizophrenia. I suppose it was to calm me down. Well, it didn't make me feel any better. All it did was make me like a zombie and the symptoms of depression worsened to a very dangerous point. I couldn’t imagine being on 600mg of that stuff let alone drinking while on it. Wow. I know every person reacts differently to meds, but dang. 600mg and booze…he must be getting completely blottoed/high. I’m sorry, but IMHO I think he probably knows what he’s doing and doesn’t care, especially considering that he’s telling you to stay out of his business even though you are his wife.

isogrrrl, please take care of yourself. If he doesn’t want to change there isn’t much you can do for him, but you can do a lot for you. This place is great for support.

isogrrrl

Bamboozle - he used to be on alot more meds.. and yes, I am not sure why the Seraquel - it helps him sleep but the psychiatrists have had him on tons of meds in the past and this is the least he has been on - believe it or not.
He has a lot of self loathing and I am just actually fascinated by someone with his talent and brains who feels that way - seriously he has met Bill Gates back in the day because he was working on computer apps etc that very few people were 20 years ago, since his depression he has rediscovered the artisitic side of himself he left behind 25 years ago and started sculpting in porcelain which he nver did and no one showed him - he just started creating and he was selling several pieces to different people and then he quit doing that. He basically just does nothing all day - smokes cigars, starts drinking around 1or 2 pm and then lays down and sleeps for an hour or two and then sits around in his underwear. Then he goes to bed around 8:30 or 9 and sleeps til 7:30 or so the next morning.. this has only been the last month but it is exhausting for me to watch him just go downhill.. he sees a therapist every week although I am sure she doesnt know he is drinking. The worst thing is that he just revisits eveyr injury and wrong and it is like a gerbil on a treadmill - of course that just makes him alternately sad and angry..
I am takingf of myself now and this site is definitely helping

isogrrrl

sbo84 - so you see the same things - drunk faster and angry as all hell?? Do you think the meds quit working? I never thought about that....i will need to research - thats an interesting thought

bluejay6

Alcohol intensifies medical depression and he will be MORE suicidal than ever, for the alcohol will negate the anti-depressants.

Your husband has a co-occurring disorder--alcoholism and major clinical depression--and the two are a loaded gun for a nonrecovering alcoholic.

The therapist is useless. A Psychiatrist trained in treating co-occurring disorder is the appropriate medical professional. And you would need to have good referrals so it isn't simply a pill doctor who does not understand the addict mind.

From your description it seems to me that the only thing that is really likely to help your husband is an extended stay at a facility like Hazelden for treatment of both illnesses.

There is a point in major depression when ending life makes perfect sense to the sick person, and is sought out with relief and conviction. It is a sad trick the mind is playing, but it is a part of the spiral down into the abyss and is in its way a severe mental illness, untreated and unreachable.

If you have funds for treatment, I would do everything in my power to no longer enable him in ANY way and to support ONLY a long stay in a top treatment facility.

But no matter what, you must always keep support for yourself close at hand so you do not ever, no matter what happens, EVER blame yourself or believe you could control his actions or his fate.

Don't be alone with this.

Bluejay

steve11694

Some medications compete with the liver, thus taking away from its ability to metabolize alcohol.

According to books, tylenol is an OTC medicine that when taken with alcohol in the system, can have deadly consequences.