5
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 19
5
today is Day 5. I posted for day 4, but i attached it to day 2. Today is a new day, so i am starting a new thread.
I thought things were going smoothly. I have been feeling healthy and upbeat, and strong. I woke up feeling that way today, did my thing around the house, got ready, the usual. Right after my shower, I thought about going to get some drinks.
Instead, I made lunch, sat down, said thanks, and afterward decided to write this. There is a meeting, but not until tonite. I drive my bf to work at 2:30, and my pattern of thinking has been different the last few days, like taking different routes to avoid the stores. Its a scary feeling to know that in 3 seconds you can make a decision to throw away what you have been working hard at. Its a scary feeling to know that something can control your thoughts and actions. I have tried to map out what I am going to do today. I thought about visiting, then i did some re-thinking on that, as most of the people I know are drinkers. And the ones who are not work during the day.
I know there are things to do. Its just keeping to the pattern of not drinking while doing them. I exercised this morning, and know I will be taking the dog later for our walk.
I know i am rambling, however, this is the train of thoughts in my head. They seem endless. Is this crazy behaviour? When I did my 21 days, I was too busy in groups and eating, and one on ones to have time to think about how to fill time.
Thanks for reading. Have a nice day. I am bound and determined to make it to day six. Today, though, its not going to be just for today. Its going to have to be one hour at a time.
I thought things were going smoothly. I have been feeling healthy and upbeat, and strong. I woke up feeling that way today, did my thing around the house, got ready, the usual. Right after my shower, I thought about going to get some drinks.
Instead, I made lunch, sat down, said thanks, and afterward decided to write this. There is a meeting, but not until tonite. I drive my bf to work at 2:30, and my pattern of thinking has been different the last few days, like taking different routes to avoid the stores. Its a scary feeling to know that in 3 seconds you can make a decision to throw away what you have been working hard at. Its a scary feeling to know that something can control your thoughts and actions. I have tried to map out what I am going to do today. I thought about visiting, then i did some re-thinking on that, as most of the people I know are drinkers. And the ones who are not work during the day.
I know there are things to do. Its just keeping to the pattern of not drinking while doing them. I exercised this morning, and know I will be taking the dog later for our walk.
I know i am rambling, however, this is the train of thoughts in my head. They seem endless. Is this crazy behaviour? When I did my 21 days, I was too busy in groups and eating, and one on ones to have time to think about how to fill time.
Thanks for reading. Have a nice day. I am bound and determined to make it to day six. Today, though, its not going to be just for today. Its going to have to be one hour at a time.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Not crazy at all. I was all over the place emotionally for weeks. We learn to live again in a new way, without our crutch - and it's hard at first. We're so used to falling back on it for every occasion. I kept my mind occupied almost every minute in the beginning - tv on all the time, watched movies, read, gardened, walked - just anything to not think too hard about my situation. It eases up, though, onelife - I promise!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
It's not crazy at all.
You're adjusting to a new way of life. I like your idea of driving home a different way. I made some changes like that in early sobriety and it really helped. It will get easier as time goes by, so just stay focused on your goal. You can do this!
Congratulations on day 5!
You're adjusting to a new way of life. I like your idea of driving home a different way. I made some changes like that in early sobriety and it really helped. It will get easier as time goes by, so just stay focused on your goal. You can do this!
Congratulations on day 5!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 89
Day 5 is fantastic! Good job. We all know it's hard. Don't think there is anything wrong or crazy about you.
I just imagine being someone else all of the sudden. Because you are. Imagine if you were transposed into another body or something. Wouldn't you freak out? I know I would. And that person you are transposing into is your SOBER SELF! Sounds kind of weird, but that's how I felt.
Learn about your new self and enjoy it.
Good luck and keep posting!
I just imagine being someone else all of the sudden. Because you are. Imagine if you were transposed into another body or something. Wouldn't you freak out? I know I would. And that person you are transposing into is your SOBER SELF! Sounds kind of weird, but that's how I felt.
Learn about your new self and enjoy it.
Good luck and keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 19
hello again.
I found a meeting in my city, not far from home, for 8 pm. Would anyone mind answering a couple of questions please? I have never been to an AA meeting by myself. I have only been to one, and that was with a friend, who no longer lives in the city. If the meeting says it is closed, what is that opposed to open? And, I am feeling really nervous, and not sure what to expect. I have a hard time around people I don't know until I have a safety net. Can anyone offer some tips for this? I would just love to reach inside and remind myself that it took nothing to go into a bar by myself, but this is very scary. Thank you again.
I found a meeting in my city, not far from home, for 8 pm. Would anyone mind answering a couple of questions please? I have never been to an AA meeting by myself. I have only been to one, and that was with a friend, who no longer lives in the city. If the meeting says it is closed, what is that opposed to open? And, I am feeling really nervous, and not sure what to expect. I have a hard time around people I don't know until I have a safety net. Can anyone offer some tips for this? I would just love to reach inside and remind myself that it took nothing to go into a bar by myself, but this is very scary. Thank you again.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Anyone can attend an open meeting. Family, friends, students, nurses, anyone is allowed, although I have no idea why anyone who isn't an alcoholic would want to be there 
Closed meetings are for alcoholics only, those who have admitted they're an alcoholic and have a desire to stop drinking.
I know it's scary, for the first few months I attended AA I held onto a chair with both hands, then ran out the door when the meeting ended. I stayed sober, but it sure would've been easier if I'd done things differently. Those people wanted to help me, they wanted to give me their phone numbers, and they wanted to love me until I could love myself. I'm glad I finally opened up my life to all those things.
The way I see it, the only way to land in that safety net is to throw yourself off the ledge. Scary, but I can assure there'll be someone there from AA to catch you when you fall.
Closed meetings are for alcoholics only, those who have admitted they're an alcoholic and have a desire to stop drinking.I know it's scary, for the first few months I attended AA I held onto a chair with both hands, then ran out the door when the meeting ended. I stayed sober, but it sure would've been easier if I'd done things differently. Those people wanted to help me, they wanted to give me their phone numbers, and they wanted to love me until I could love myself. I'm glad I finally opened up my life to all those things.
The way I see it, the only way to land in that safety net is to throw yourself off the ledge. Scary, but I can assure there'll be someone there from AA to catch you when you fall.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 89
Try to just be yourself. I know that you are scared and nervous and anxious, but HEY, that's who you are right now. It's just temporary. Don't be shamed of it. Have faith, and you will eventually turn into the REAL you. A person that overcame the greatest difficulty that any human can endure. You will only be stronger at the end of it.
Only the best luck!
It's just temporary. Don't be shamed of it. Have faith, and you will eventually turn into the REAL you. A person that overcame the greatest difficulty that any human can endure. You will only be stronger at the end of it.Only the best luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Its natural to be scared of the unknown especially when your life is at stake!
It'll leave you as soon as you get settled in:-) Nothing will be expected of you, like a 20 min speech or anything like that! You will listen to the shares and then at the end everyone will say the serenity prayer and, in most meetings, a little rhyme to encourage everyone to keep coming back. You usually all hold hands whilst doing this, that took me a few meetings to get used to lol
Stick around at the end if you feel up to it and talk to another woman about is there any material to read, whens the next meeting, how did she get into AA and how does she find it. Hopefully you will be offered a couple of numbers to call, maybe if you feelings really brave and they go for coffee after you may like to/be asked to join them...that for me was where i started to relax, it is so much easier walking into meetings when you get to know people a little better.
There is other stuff you will hopefully be asking about in the near future about the meetings, but you are soooooooooooooo doing the right thing as you don't want to be winging sobriety by yourself for too long, especially when you have a whole load of support out there for you.
Looking forward to hearing how you got on:-) This could be the start of a whole new life for you...
It'll leave you as soon as you get settled in:-) Nothing will be expected of you, like a 20 min speech or anything like that! You will listen to the shares and then at the end everyone will say the serenity prayer and, in most meetings, a little rhyme to encourage everyone to keep coming back. You usually all hold hands whilst doing this, that took me a few meetings to get used to lol
Stick around at the end if you feel up to it and talk to another woman about is there any material to read, whens the next meeting, how did she get into AA and how does she find it. Hopefully you will be offered a couple of numbers to call, maybe if you feelings really brave and they go for coffee after you may like to/be asked to join them...that for me was where i started to relax, it is so much easier walking into meetings when you get to know people a little better.
There is other stuff you will hopefully be asking about in the near future about the meetings, but you are soooooooooooooo doing the right thing as you don't want to be winging sobriety by yourself for too long, especially when you have a whole load of support out there for you.
Looking forward to hearing how you got on:-) This could be the start of a whole new life for you...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
It's not crazy at all. It is tough in the beginning but you just need to stick to your determination and cheer-lead yourself, "I CAN DO THIS!!!!" Keep it up and congrats on your 5+ days.
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