I DON'T understand
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
I DON'T understand
what happenedlast night. Just to give you a little backgraound- AH is a musician- lifes dream kinda thing- fine. He isn't working a job so he can focus full time on music (maybe make some money) and that has been OK with me- I really try to support him i every way-and as a master enabler- I'm sure I do a good job.
Last night we drove 70miles to start recording his demo ( really big step) I was excited- he was mad- whole way there. We got lost- he drove like a crazy person- cursing- drinking vodka. Finally get there ( and these people are really really nice) and AH is 3 sheets in the wind- I am embarassed but we make it OK through the recording session. Start to leave he's mad again cursing drinking- I drive home. We get home, I go straight to bed- I hear him throwing things - I ignore and eventually it stops.
What the heck? I thought this is what he wanted?? I don't know what the heck happened to provoke that kind of anger. And stupid me- suporting, inspiring, trying to make it all good- see what that got me. I really was excited about going- thought It would be fun-- wrong.
Last night we drove 70miles to start recording his demo ( really big step) I was excited- he was mad- whole way there. We got lost- he drove like a crazy person- cursing- drinking vodka. Finally get there ( and these people are really really nice) and AH is 3 sheets in the wind- I am embarassed but we make it OK through the recording session. Start to leave he's mad again cursing drinking- I drive home. We get home, I go straight to bed- I hear him throwing things - I ignore and eventually it stops.
What the heck? I thought this is what he wanted?? I don't know what the heck happened to provoke that kind of anger. And stupid me- suporting, inspiring, trying to make it all good- see what that got me. I really was excited about going- thought It would be fun-- wrong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
Oh and can anyone tell me why ANYONE would drink a 5 hour energy shot and take 150mg of benedryl at the same time? cause thats what he did this morning- and went right back to bed. ???
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I have found that it does me no good to try and find rational reasons for irrational behaviors. Trying to make sense of what an active A says and does is an exercise in futility.
How about you? How do you feel about what happened and what can you do to improve your life?
How about you? How do you feel about what happened and what can you do to improve your life?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I get the confusion, I do.
XABF and I were tickled to find we both shared the same dream of owning our own horse farm. I embarked on that dream with him in tow and I was so hopeful. I sold my condo, financed a large plot of land, mortgage the construction, and started doing all the interior work myself, I was shocked to find that not only did he worm his way out of doing all but a small bit of work, he spent most of his time spitting drunk. I worked a full time job to support us and spent my evenings and weekends working on the house. He spent his time calling in sick to the one-day-a-week job he had, drinking himself stupid, and running up huge bills looking at online porn all day.
By the time I realized a small part of what was going on, I was too far into construction and owed too much money to turn back and get back enough to pay the bank.
Needless to say the house had to be auctioned off, and I filed bankruptcy a year later.
After that his greatest excuse for drinking himself to death was the loss of his dream of owning a farm. WTF??? The dream he did nothing for? The dream I built with my own to hands and had to auction off for pennies? The dream that he helped destroy by binge drinking so much of my savings away and avoiding gainful employment?? Yeah, that's the one.
When he started crying about his dream of living in Ireland never coming true, I decided to call his bluff. I agreed to financially support him so he could go over as a student and live there for three months to see if he liked it. We found a school and housing. I even did the research on citizenship for him. All he had to do was get a passport and agree to get on the plane. When he refused all efforts to get him to apply for a passport and couldn't tell my why, I told him I never wanted to hear about his damn dreams again because he clearly had no real interest in ever actually reaching them. It was just another ******** thing to whine about and drink over.
Maybe your Addict is just like mine. If a dream comes true there is nothing to pine for and nothing to use as an excuse to get drunk. He knew that when he was driving to that studio. He had to keep it from happening and destroy it somehow. The closer he gets to his big dreams in life, the more miserable he will be.
Alice
XABF and I were tickled to find we both shared the same dream of owning our own horse farm. I embarked on that dream with him in tow and I was so hopeful. I sold my condo, financed a large plot of land, mortgage the construction, and started doing all the interior work myself, I was shocked to find that not only did he worm his way out of doing all but a small bit of work, he spent most of his time spitting drunk. I worked a full time job to support us and spent my evenings and weekends working on the house. He spent his time calling in sick to the one-day-a-week job he had, drinking himself stupid, and running up huge bills looking at online porn all day.
By the time I realized a small part of what was going on, I was too far into construction and owed too much money to turn back and get back enough to pay the bank.
Needless to say the house had to be auctioned off, and I filed bankruptcy a year later.
After that his greatest excuse for drinking himself to death was the loss of his dream of owning a farm. WTF??? The dream he did nothing for? The dream I built with my own to hands and had to auction off for pennies? The dream that he helped destroy by binge drinking so much of my savings away and avoiding gainful employment?? Yeah, that's the one.
When he started crying about his dream of living in Ireland never coming true, I decided to call his bluff. I agreed to financially support him so he could go over as a student and live there for three months to see if he liked it. We found a school and housing. I even did the research on citizenship for him. All he had to do was get a passport and agree to get on the plane. When he refused all efforts to get him to apply for a passport and couldn't tell my why, I told him I never wanted to hear about his damn dreams again because he clearly had no real interest in ever actually reaching them. It was just another ******** thing to whine about and drink over.
Maybe your Addict is just like mine. If a dream comes true there is nothing to pine for and nothing to use as an excuse to get drunk. He knew that when he was driving to that studio. He had to keep it from happening and destroy it somehow. The closer he gets to his big dreams in life, the more miserable he will be.
Alice
On the path to self discovery
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 161
I dont have much to add except, there isnt a way to understand something that doesnt make any sense. I think what others have said here about addiction makes sense.
@ Alice,
That was a very insightful post for me as a former drunk. I stayed in jobs I hated but did nothing to change my situation, just drank bc of it. I know it was/is depression, but alcohol is a depressant. hmm.
@ Alice,
That was a very insightful post for me as a former drunk. I stayed in jobs I hated but did nothing to change my situation, just drank bc of it. I know it was/is depression, but alcohol is a depressant. hmm.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
an addict that does not give a damn about his health or killing other people is no news...
but why don't YOU care about your health?? what will it take... a scare, a serious accident, the loss of a limb, mobility, broken spine, death? 3rd parties??
none of the people that have gone through car accidents due to drunk driving, thought it could happen to them, right? they were also in denial thinking they were somehow invincible. that they were in control.
i support the above poster, if you know he is driving drunk, report him anonymously. that has nothing to do with feelings, its just civil duty. think of the innocent drivers/pedestrians/bikers out there, it could be any of us.
but why don't YOU care about your health?? what will it take... a scare, a serious accident, the loss of a limb, mobility, broken spine, death? 3rd parties??
none of the people that have gone through car accidents due to drunk driving, thought it could happen to them, right? they were also in denial thinking they were somehow invincible. that they were in control.
i support the above poster, if you know he is driving drunk, report him anonymously. that has nothing to do with feelings, its just civil duty. think of the innocent drivers/pedestrians/bikers out there, it could be any of us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: South Australia
Posts: 73
If he had killed someone innocent while drunk driving, you would not have wondered why he was angry. You would have wondered why you hadn't called the cops on him. That is a good reminder that in the midst of this madness we completely lose perspective on what matters.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
otterbearcat, Glad that gave you some insight. I often wondered why XABF pursued certain jobs, hobbies, friends, and other interests because they would always become a burden later on down the road that he would feel the need to drink to bear through.
He would pursue jobs with great fervor and would talk endlessly about how he could not stand his current job, but the one he was trying to land would be so much better. I understood that was the hope the first few times, but it became clear as time wore on that within a month of any job he would be miserable. No matter the salary, the benefit, the learning experience, the flexibility. When he worked that one day a week job back when I was building the house he never had any money despite how often he would crow that he made more in one day than I did all week. I only in the last month after leaving him did I find out from the man he worked for at that job that most weeks he didn't show or would postpone the work a couple of times before getting on with it.
I am confident a lot of depression went into his addiction. I am just as confident that much of his addiction went into his depression. <Insert egg and chicken here>.
I suppose it's the alcoholic themselves who, once recovered, could shed light on what fear is at work here, if that would be the right word, fear of success, fear of failing, fear of a dream coming true and then the expectation of holding onto that dream is too much.
It's interesting food for thought.
Not trying to hijack the thread here, I think the discussion might enhance the questions posed by the OP.
He would pursue jobs with great fervor and would talk endlessly about how he could not stand his current job, but the one he was trying to land would be so much better. I understood that was the hope the first few times, but it became clear as time wore on that within a month of any job he would be miserable. No matter the salary, the benefit, the learning experience, the flexibility. When he worked that one day a week job back when I was building the house he never had any money despite how often he would crow that he made more in one day than I did all week. I only in the last month after leaving him did I find out from the man he worked for at that job that most weeks he didn't show or would postpone the work a couple of times before getting on with it.
I am confident a lot of depression went into his addiction. I am just as confident that much of his addiction went into his depression. <Insert egg and chicken here>.
I suppose it's the alcoholic themselves who, once recovered, could shed light on what fear is at work here, if that would be the right word, fear of success, fear of failing, fear of a dream coming true and then the expectation of holding onto that dream is too much.
It's interesting food for thought.
Not trying to hijack the thread here, I think the discussion might enhance the questions posed by the OP.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
I like Alices' plan--let's send all of them to Ireland. One of the biggest problems there is alcoholism--they call it the national disease. So they'll have plenty of people to drink with! And it's hard for us to be codie from that far away!
Love,
KJ
Love,
KJ
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