Self care and self esteem
Curled up in a good book...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Self care and self esteem
I'm re reading Codependent No More and I'm just at the bit on self care.
It reads 'Self care is an attitude towards ourselves and our lives that says I am responsible for myself....I am responsible for how much I enjoy life, for how much pleasure I find in daily activities...All of me, every aspect of my being, is important. I count for something. I matter.'
I've been trying to take better care of myself since STBXAH left. I have struggled with low self worth, self esteem and issues of trust. But still I try and take better care of me. And in taking better care, I've found that my feelings of self worth/esteem are rising just a little. That I am starting to trust myself. That I believe I can be responsible for myself. By starting to take care of me, I'm starting to like me. I'm still not brilliant at it - progress not perfection, right? - but the simple act of trying to take better care of my needs and wants has actually helped my self esteem.
Has anyone else experienced this shift? Is improving my own feelings of self worth really so simple?!
It reads 'Self care is an attitude towards ourselves and our lives that says I am responsible for myself....I am responsible for how much I enjoy life, for how much pleasure I find in daily activities...All of me, every aspect of my being, is important. I count for something. I matter.'
I've been trying to take better care of myself since STBXAH left. I have struggled with low self worth, self esteem and issues of trust. But still I try and take better care of me. And in taking better care, I've found that my feelings of self worth/esteem are rising just a little. That I am starting to trust myself. That I believe I can be responsible for myself. By starting to take care of me, I'm starting to like me. I'm still not brilliant at it - progress not perfection, right? - but the simple act of trying to take better care of my needs and wants has actually helped my self esteem.
Has anyone else experienced this shift? Is improving my own feelings of self worth really so simple?!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Merced, CA
Posts: 77
Hello Bookwyrm:
Yes, what is happening to you is for real. I'm sure of this, because I myself began feeling better almost immediately after I found this site and began drinking from this well of knowledge.
Great quote from Dante (of Dante's Inferno) "The mind can make a paradise of hell, or a hell of paradise"
I myself have found the information on "Hooks that keep us in boundary-less relationships" my ticket out of hell. Look for that on this site if you haven't found it already.
Electa
Yes, what is happening to you is for real. I'm sure of this, because I myself began feeling better almost immediately after I found this site and began drinking from this well of knowledge.
Great quote from Dante (of Dante's Inferno) "The mind can make a paradise of hell, or a hell of paradise"
I myself have found the information on "Hooks that keep us in boundary-less relationships" my ticket out of hell. Look for that on this site if you haven't found it already.
Electa
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 85
YES!
Since I broke up with my boyfriend I have become more confident, peaceful, happy - everything has changed.
I was only with him for 4 years so I knew that the fearful, cringing mouse I had become was not the real me. In our case he was engaging in emotional abuse which I didn't really get until near the end of our relationship.
Spinner
Since I broke up with my boyfriend I have become more confident, peaceful, happy - everything has changed.
I was only with him for 4 years so I knew that the fearful, cringing mouse I had become was not the real me. In our case he was engaging in emotional abuse which I didn't really get until near the end of our relationship.
Spinner
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I had a very wise daughter and friend who talked me through life during a time when I truly had lost self-esteem. Both of them are what I would consider "fashion mavens" and I really didn't think it would work, but they insisted that if I looked good, I would feel good. They took me shopping (I had lost so much weight my outdated clothes were hanging on me), coached me on paying more attention to my hair and make-up, helped me to discover the joy of cute shoes, and basically just "girled" me up a little. I didn't have the energy to fight them so I just did what they said, and yes, it did work. I also made a point of doing something each day that was very "spoil-me" and took my mind off of whatever anxiety I was festering about for at least an hour, just to give my mind a rest.
That was years ago, but I can tell you that it really did help me on the way to getting my moxi back and feeling like I could not only survive what I'd been through, but that I had much to look forward to in life, that it was definitely not over, and that I was WAY stronger and more confident than I realized.
Today I can kick just about anybody's butt. And look good doing it. So yes, go through the motions of taking good care of yourself, because it is an EXCELLENT investment.
That was years ago, but I can tell you that it really did help me on the way to getting my moxi back and feeling like I could not only survive what I'd been through, but that I had much to look forward to in life, that it was definitely not over, and that I was WAY stronger and more confident than I realized.
Today I can kick just about anybody's butt. And look good doing it. So yes, go through the motions of taking good care of yourself, because it is an EXCELLENT investment.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I had the same experience, bookwyrm. When I changed how I treated myself, I came to realize that I was worthy of happiness, strength, beauty, hope, joy. They talk about a "vicious circle" sometimes - this was indeed a joyous circle, where each passing day's self-care helped me to love myself more, which made me want to do more self-care....and so on.... and so on....
I love to hear how this is going for you! (progress, not perfection...or as my father used to say, "practice makes permanent" )
I love to hear how this is going for you! (progress, not perfection...or as my father used to say, "practice makes permanent" )
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I am over whelmed by how different my life is now from just 6 months ago. Self awareness, spirtual questing and learning the art of gratitude and acceptance are so unbelievably powerful.
Now I just have to learn how to accept the fact that so many people are lost in the dark and I can't always (or maybe ever) show them the way
Now I just have to learn how to accept the fact that so many people are lost in the dark and I can't always (or maybe ever) show them the way
Curled up in a good book...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
I think I'm downplaying the work I've done to get here a little. The fact I don't have anyone on the sidelines undermining my confidence and decisions in an effort to control me also helps. I'm just amazed at how a few simple steps can change your life - and it is still changing!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Someplace USA
Posts: 415
I'm not so sure I've got the joy thing down. I kind of hit this well of saddness. Like I'm grieving or something; but I'm not sure for what or why.
I have however done much better on the self-care and self-esteem side of things over the past two years. Much of that I got here and through many books; I'm thankful everyday!!!!
I have however done much better on the self-care and self-esteem side of things over the past two years. Much of that I got here and through many books; I'm thankful everyday!!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
