tangerinedream

so my boyfriend went to detox on thursday morning.
today i went to visit him and he was sick as hell (day 4...suboxone has worn off...). he had somehow convinced himself that i would give him some of my adderall prescription. maybe cause i usually cave and cough it up but i wouldn't do it today. he got irrationally pissed about it and started talking about how some of the other guys had snuck in xanax or other drugs to help with the kick. and kept giving me this "please help me" look. i told him if he didn't stop i was going to leave. he didn't stop.

so i left.

but he succeeded in making me feel that if he did decide to walk out, it would somehow be my fault.

i mean, in reality, i think he will stay and i will probably get a very apologetic phone call when he stops feeling so sick.

i hope.

i dono. i'm not really looking for advice or anything, i think i just wanted to vent. reply with the first thing that comes to your mind when you read this, if you have the time.

Ann

"Good for you" comes to mind. I think we both know that what he requested was not how detox works, and is a sign that his mind has not yet caught up with his body on healthy thinking. That takes time, lots more time than a few days.

My thoughts are that if visiting him makes you feel sad, guilty or responsible in any way for his poor choices, then don't visit.

Take care of you, do what is right for you, because you have a life worthy of respect and gratitude and it doesn't seem he is handing out either.

Hugs

tangerinedream

in all honesty i really think it was just the "sick" acting out because he has been pretty amazing this time around. he has actually done things that have shown me he is serious about getting better, and (at least until today) planned to go into the 90 day program offered by the detox center. i've actually been really PROUD of him for the past few days.

i hope he didn't lose it after i left today. and if he did i hope he knows i'm serious that he can't come home this time.

peaceteach

Yes, you did right. Good job. Next, you could really "help" by reading more about yourself and codependency and how this relationship has affected you -- seriously. If you really want to see CHANGE, put today's focus there, on you, and on how YOUR life can get better.

tangerinedream

yeah... i know... his mom sent me a book called "codependent no more" - i read the first 2 pages and haven't picked it up since.

that's a can of worms i kinda want to leave unopened for now.
or forever.

Callie

I'd STRONGLY suggest delving into your codependent issues. If you do not, you will be in for a world of hurt later. When you get married or buy a house or have kids or assets that need split up in a divorce. Read around here as MUCH as you can. Click on my name and read my most recent posts and see what you could potentially be in for. It's NOT pretty and I wish that I had the tools @ 20 that I'm now starting to have @ 38. It would have saved me ALOT of pain.

Sorry you're here, but I would NOT sweep your part in this under the rug. Hugs to you.

Chino

The addict cannot get better without opening that can of worms and neither can we. Those worms are like intestinal parasites and the longer they remain, they grow and reproduce, slowly sucking vital nutrients from us.

URMYEVERYTHING

Good job! Stick with those boundaries and he will get the picture (hopefully). If not, it doesn't matter... as long as you feel good.

leelee5675

In your OP you asked that we state the first thing that comes to mind. The first thing that came to my mind is, "Why is she asking if she did the right thing? She absolutely, positively did the right thing." You were very strong and rational and showed that you really do care.

It's a hard thing to do. It's really easy to just hand over that pill when someone you care about is hurting. It's very, very hard to say no and continue to watch them hurt right now because you know it's what's best in the long run. Kudos to you!!

I'm with the others, though, that are encouraging you to read that book. It's hard to face at first, but I promise you codependecy turns into a painful and lonely existence without coping skills. Educate yourself as much as possible on the subject, or you will probably continue to go through what you just went through with your current boyfriend in relationships throughout your life.

I admire and respect you tremendously for having the strength to stand your ground.

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