NAP

A while back I wrote about my boss giving me a hard time for not drinking. Well he's still doing it. I've moved within the company and have been avoiding him so as not to get bothered, but now he's resorted to almost rude behaviour (it is dressed up as joking but there's a hostile edge to it) when he walks by me etc. Now it seems my other old boss is ignoring me (they're close) and I don't know if it's a boys' club thing or if it's because I don't drink, or if I'm being a victim and carrying that mentality around.

I am so uncomfortable at work; I avoid Friday after work like the plague and I dread social scenarios. I can't believe I'm in this scenario - it feels like high school! Do grown adults actually behave this way?

I know I should not consider these losers my friends, but it hurts as I went through alot with them. And the one giving me the hardest time is very well known for being a nice and fair guy; this is why it's thrown me so.

I haven't wanted to have a talk with them about my boundaries because that means admitting I have a drinking problem and I'm very reticent to do this in the workplace. I mean, if they have resorted to this behaviour now, think of what they're capable of with any bit of information containing the word "alcoholic".

Yes they are both huge drinkers. Both are potential references for me, and one is actually on my CV as a reference right now. How do I handle this?

Dee74

Hi NAP

to be honest I dunno how you stop a work bullying thing (cos thats what it is) without making a ''thing" of it.

This is the page as it relates to my state - every state will have a similar page.

Workplace harassment - Workplace Health and Safety Queensland

If you don't want to talk with them about it, much less make it official, there's other things you can do besides grin and bear it...

Workplace bullying - ReachOut Australia

Also, maybe find a sympathetic person higher up the chain maybe....or find another job, which isn't easy these days.

Remember what you're doing this for, NAP.
However annoying or infantile, what other people do or say or think is essentially out of our control.

It's how we react to it that counts.
Let them stay in high school.

D

hendershot

I am sorry that you have to deal with this. In my experience, most people who make a point to care or be bothered with the fact I don't drink, it is because they have a problem with alcy themselves. Regular people don't care one way or the other if you drink. This is not to say your boss is an alcoholic necessarily (I don't know him or anything) but it certainly raises a red flag. I am not sure if this gives any solace either but I think it helps to understand people's motivations--it is about them and not you. Get a new job, if that is feasible.

Firehazard

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference

There is a solution:ghug3

vegibean

Hey Nap, I know it's hard to look at the whole picture when you're right in the middle of it. A LOT of my friends drink and I'm talking my REAL friends in life. They totally support me.

Tell them you're trying to save money, you're on a health kick. I know you say that you don't want to bring it to the table with them and be up front but do you think you could at least confront them on the comments? Like "look fellas, I appreciate the humor but I'm trying to make a life change for myself, your support would be appreciated." You can tell them that you don't care whether they drink or not as well.

Like I said, my friends still drink, I certainly don't look at them as they take a sip of beer and go "you should really stop that, it's such a bad habit." What other people do is none of my business just like it shouldn't be theirs of mine, ya know? Good luck.

One more thing, last job I was at after getting sober there was a girl there that had a major drinking and drug problem, she was a mess!!! Hard to work with, always late, very, very, very mean to me. I had had enough, I walked out the door on a Friday and never looked back. Could have cared less about what they would have said as for a reference in regards to my being there. When I interviewed with my boss that I have today and he asked about calling them for a reference, I told him the truth, the whole truth and told him I'd prefer he didn't call and I provided him with more stable references. My boss totally appreciated MY HONESTY about my former employment and it showed on my part that I do not tolerate that kind of work environment. BTW, I'm still at that job now, almost a year and I love it. So glad I walked out the door of the last place.

Anna

I agree with Dee, that this is less about alcohol, and more about harassment.

Does your company have a way to deal with problems like this? If so, keep a log of dates and times and specific things said to you. Hopefully you can do something about it.

Bamboozle

Yes. Many do all the time. I was thinking of something...



...and you confirmed it.

Sounds like me. I was such an a$$ trying to get everyone else to drink or keep up. Ugh. It was because I had a problem...and that's what people do who have a problem. It's a way to justify the behavior. That they're being somewhat hostile points out to me they both have a problem.

Are there any other people you can use as references?

tommyk

I tell people I have developed a medical problem and I have to abstain from alcohol for a while.

They ask what, I say pancreatitis, aggravated by alcohol.

They rarely ever bring it up the subject again.