moving?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 15
moving?
Good news and bad news this week. The good news is that I was offered a job that I interviewed for a few weeks ago. The job is similar to what I am doing now, but is located in another state b/c AH and I have been planning to move closer to family. The bad news is that my unemployed, AH found out the same day that he was not getting the job he had interviewed for. (They actually verbally offered it to him before, w/ a salary negotiated and a start date (July 27), but it has then been in limbo for over a month for some higher ups to approve the department adding another person).
Now we have to decide whether to move. It has been our plan to move back closer to our families for at least a year now. But I am worried about him finding a job - he has already applied to almost all of the companies in that area and has not found anything.
Also, the bigger issue is that he started taking benzos again a few days ago. When I found out, he said he would pack his things and move out. He has been in the hospital since so we haven't really had a chance to talk about any of this. Now that I have been offered the job, he seems to have forgotten all about this. He is desparate to move, I think because he thinks it will give him a chance to start over, etc. I, on the other hand, don't think much will change.
So we, and I individually, have some thinking to do and decisions to make. I'm just so burnt out and emotionally tired right now that I don't even want to think about it. Unfortunately the clock is ticking because our lease ends on Aug 31st and we don't have any alternate living arrangements yet (this is so unlike me! I usually plan so far ahead). AH won't be home from the hospital until at least tomorrow, so for now I can just try to relax and think about what I want to do.
Now we have to decide whether to move. It has been our plan to move back closer to our families for at least a year now. But I am worried about him finding a job - he has already applied to almost all of the companies in that area and has not found anything.
Also, the bigger issue is that he started taking benzos again a few days ago. When I found out, he said he would pack his things and move out. He has been in the hospital since so we haven't really had a chance to talk about any of this. Now that I have been offered the job, he seems to have forgotten all about this. He is desparate to move, I think because he thinks it will give him a chance to start over, etc. I, on the other hand, don't think much will change.
So we, and I individually, have some thinking to do and decisions to make. I'm just so burnt out and emotionally tired right now that I don't even want to think about it. Unfortunately the clock is ticking because our lease ends on Aug 31st and we don't have any alternate living arrangements yet (this is so unlike me! I usually plan so far ahead). AH won't be home from the hospital until at least tomorrow, so for now I can just try to relax and think about what I want to do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
If it had not been for my family when I was going through this chaos with my husband and his addiction, I have no idea where I would have been. I was so fortunate that they lived in the same city.
I wasn't really clear from your post if this was a job that he applied for where you live now or where you are planning on moving. Is he working now?
For me, from what I learned through this mess with his addiction, I had to learn to look after myself. If this job is a step better for you, plus having family around I would be liening more on the side to move.
But it is something you have to feel right about doing in your heart.
Rose
I wasn't really clear from your post if this was a job that he applied for where you live now or where you are planning on moving. Is he working now?
For me, from what I learned through this mess with his addiction, I had to learn to look after myself. If this job is a step better for you, plus having family around I would be liening more on the side to move.
But it is something you have to feel right about doing in your heart.
Rose
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by rose 
For me, from what I learned through this mess with his addiction, I had to learn to look after myself. If this job is a step better for you, plus having family around I would be liening more on the side to move.
As for him wanting to move with you and 'starting over', the problem with that is no matter where he goes, there he is, and all the resulting problems from his alcoholism/addiction. He can't run from himself.
What do you want for your life?
:ghug2 :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
(this is so unlike me! I usually plan so far ahead).
Codependency, like addiction, has a way of sneaking up on us and progressing rapidly downward if left unchecked and untreated. I just wanted to point that out to you, that it may be that if you are not careful, you will lose this opportunity to better YOUR situation and to take care of YOUR immediate needs and your family -- with or without the addict -- so please give yourself the permission to make a decision that is based on what is best for YOU, not him. You do not have to live with whether he does or does not seek treatment. You really are allowed to just think about YOU and YOUR future and survival. Be careful that you don't slip further down into that addiction spiral with him. I know that I let myself go down pretty far with my alcoholic husband, to a serious depression that nearly took me down and out and would definitely have sunk myself and my children had I not recognized what was happening and put a hand up to that downward spiral. Only I could do that for myself. It wasn't easy, and it was a very hard and painful decision, but I just knew I was losing it and that we both couldn't go down together, that that wasn't an option for my or my kids. My decision was to ask for a separation, which ultimately did end in divorce. It was the start of my gaining back myself and moving upward once again in life, instead of downward.
I'm saying a prayer that you find the courage and strength to act decisively NOW, before waiting until Aug. 31st and you just continue to flounder with worrying about the addict more than yourself. Hugs.
Codependency, like addiction, has a way of sneaking up on us and progressing rapidly downward if left unchecked and untreated. I just wanted to point that out to you, that it may be that if you are not careful, you will lose this opportunity to better YOUR situation and to take care of YOUR immediate needs and your family -- with or without the addict -- so please give yourself the permission to make a decision that is based on what is best for YOU, not him. You do not have to live with whether he does or does not seek treatment. You really are allowed to just think about YOU and YOUR future and survival. Be careful that you don't slip further down into that addiction spiral with him. I know that I let myself go down pretty far with my alcoholic husband, to a serious depression that nearly took me down and out and would definitely have sunk myself and my children had I not recognized what was happening and put a hand up to that downward spiral. Only I could do that for myself. It wasn't easy, and it was a very hard and painful decision, but I just knew I was losing it and that we both couldn't go down together, that that wasn't an option for my or my kids. My decision was to ask for a separation, which ultimately did end in divorce. It was the start of my gaining back myself and moving upward once again in life, instead of downward.
I'm saying a prayer that you find the courage and strength to act decisively NOW, before waiting until Aug. 31st and you just continue to flounder with worrying about the addict more than yourself. Hugs.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
