Please welcome 8years
8years
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Terrebonne, OR.
Posts: 2
Please welcome 8years
I am going to go to my first AL-ANON meeting tomorrow. I am really scared. I have to talk to someone and this is all I've got.
I cannot keep on thinking that I am the one at fault here. I know I have my own set of problems so this has all been very hard for me, trying to decipher my problems from his has made my head spin. Maybe going to meetings will help me to not blame myself for all the turmoil.
I cannot keep on thinking that I am the one at fault here. I know I have my own set of problems so this has all been very hard for me, trying to decipher my problems from his has made my head spin. Maybe going to meetings will help me to not blame myself for all the turmoil.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there 8years, and welcome to SoberRecovery 
Did you make it to the al-anon meeting? What did you think of it? I was plenty scared of my first meet, and I chickened out in the parking lot. Took me three times before I finally made it in. Now I love them, I find so much support and healing in there I wish I had started going sooner.
I hope you find them as wonderful as I do.
Mike
Did you make it to the al-anon meeting? What did you think of it? I was plenty scared of my first meet, and I chickened out in the parking lot. Took me three times before I finally made it in. Now I love them, I find so much support and healing in there I wish I had started going sooner.
I hope you find them as wonderful as I do.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hoosier Daddy?
Posts: 63
Welcome!
I've learned to untangle the enmeshed dynamics through realizing there is a huge difference between a mistake and an inability to be honest with one's self/others.
For example, my genuine forgetfulness in paying a bill on time is a different matter than someone constantly 'robbing Peter to pay Paul' and hiding the true reasons they don't have the money to meet their adult, financial obligations.
Living with addiction is stressful to say the least and it has led me to lose my temper, regret things I've said, and cause great doubt in my own thinking. I forgot that because I am human, I will make mistakes. But I can lay down the guilt I carry by understanding I am not responsible for someone else's therapy issues and I am not responsible for the decisions another adult makes because of their own, internal motivations.
There's a line from a movie I love:
"Oh how you love your prescious guilt."
For me, it was the inability, at the time, to recognize just how much my own guilt was motivating ME and caused a blurring of responsibility.
Just my thoughts and glad you've found SR.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
I've learned to untangle the enmeshed dynamics through realizing there is a huge difference between a mistake and an inability to be honest with one's self/others.
For example, my genuine forgetfulness in paying a bill on time is a different matter than someone constantly 'robbing Peter to pay Paul' and hiding the true reasons they don't have the money to meet their adult, financial obligations.
Living with addiction is stressful to say the least and it has led me to lose my temper, regret things I've said, and cause great doubt in my own thinking. I forgot that because I am human, I will make mistakes. But I can lay down the guilt I carry by understanding I am not responsible for someone else's therapy issues and I am not responsible for the decisions another adult makes because of their own, internal motivations.
There's a line from a movie I love:
"Oh how you love your prescious guilt."
For me, it was the inability, at the time, to recognize just how much my own guilt was motivating ME and caused a blurring of responsibility.
Just my thoughts and glad you've found SR.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
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