kuljey

Well all...things have escalated soooooo HIGH. The thing that i wasnt sharing was he was very physical, besides emotionally and mentally abusive. I finally couldnt stand MY CHILDREN seeing him do what he did. Its a looong story and im actually nauseated to have had this happen to me, writing this. My daughter witnessed him last Monday hurting me, she was crying for him to stop. That was the beginning of the end. He promised me that if the police ever get involved, or he goes to jail he will make it worth his while. He would hurt me more, even from jail. He promised that he could get to me even from there. My daughter told her counselor on Monday, the counselor and another one from their office came to my apartment to talk to us. She wanted to put into place a safety plan for me and the kids (telling him to not make him angry w/me that it was for him too) and to request 2x week weekly counseling.He was so arrogant, braggin about his awful past. Killing people, using drugs, being in the cartel, and that yea he would sign the agreement and come to counseling because if not he would beat the M" F" out of me. He used my vehicle and ran that thing into the ground!!! Promised to fix it and help me w/the bills. When it came time to make the appointment, he went nuts, had me take him to his nieces. I was taking my 4yo son to his dad. I complied w/his request to take him to his nieces so that we do NOT fight in front of my baby! I got out to get into drivers seat. He said, oh, so you are gonna leave me here, you want to play games. I was standing outside of vehice, and said please stop yelling in front of Austin. He said F" your kids..backed out. My son started to yell and cry. He drove forward and almost ran over me. I was crying and he was afraid of a scene. He jumped out of vehicle and ran into his nieces. I took my son to his dad, and went home. The counselor came over and was talking to me about what happened. She tried to call him to see if he wanted to participate. He called me back later (she was there) and 1/2 a dozen actual real times phone calls were recorded. Even ones w/him calling the therapist. He was saying he was gonna bash my face into a wall, break into my apartment. Told her flat out lies, as she was standing right there listening to me and him..and he called her saying something different. She said that i should offer him "an out" w/o any police involvement. I offered for us to split up, he wouldnt do it. All friday i begged him to help me fix my jeep, help me w/the bills, help as he promised, and begged him to stop being mean in front front of my children. He said he wont be helping me, home again over the weekend, and F" my kids. I begged and begged. Leaving texts, messages, everything to see if he will comply w/the safety plan, help w/money, leave kids alone. No, no, no he kept saying. He wouldnt just leave relationship. I had to do what i had to do. I had to file charges. Probation revoked his probation and issued a warrant. The police officer at my home for 2 hours, heard the information from the therapist and what she heard, the phone calls of the threats. He sent other officers there to detain him till he arrived (i was filing out a report for him.) When he arrived, they had left him alone inside and when this officer arrived he magically arrived and he had injuries, scratches, and bruises. He said he was the victim! I was the one hurting and beating him up!!!! The officer did not take him to jail per probations warrant. He called and said he was charging me w/the same thing he was charging him with--using a telephone to harrass or intimidate. The therapist called probations weekend emergency number and spoke a person in charge. They said the warrant was never released and they called the police dept back to order someone else to pick him up. In the mean time he had time to dispose of the SECOND phone i bought for him.

Well, there is more, and my brain is hurting right now. I wanted to just share.

jerect

Kuljey,

Get out now!!!! Get the restraining order and cut off all contact with this man.. he is a danger to you, your children and to society as a whole.

Is there a shelter that you and your kids can go to for a few weeks to get away from him.. maybe by then he will be arrested and put in jail. Are there family members in another state that you can stay with. I realize you may have to work and that you have bills to pay but NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is more important then the safety, health and well being of you and your children.

Your children cannot continue to be exposed to this, you as their parent are obligated to protect them and if you don't disappear then the kids could be taken away from you..

Please leave now...

suki44883

Please, please do whatever you have to do to get away from this man. If you have to go to a DV shelter, do that. Do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and your children.

rayofsunshine

Do what you have to, to stay safe!

:praying for you and your childrens safety.

Ann

I agree with those above, please get yourself and your children to a safe place, a women's shelter would be good because they have 24 hour security and also counselors for you and your children...as it's important that the children get counseling too so the cycle of violence is not repeated.

Make a plan, don't tell him any part of it. The most dangerous time in a situation like this is when you are leaving.

Please don't underestimate what a person as sick as he is can and will do. Your safety and that of your children must be protected at all costs.

Prayers going out for all of you.

Hugs

teke

sorry you are having to go through all of this.i agree with the others, do what ever you have to do to keep yourself and kids safe. i know its hard but you can do it and you do deserve more. i also know how hard it is to be a single parent. i've had to raise 7 kids basically alone. your kids need you alive and well and this may be affecting them more than you can see on the surface. one day at a time, you can make it without whatever help you think you need from him.

talk with your counselors about what other services they maybe able to offer that could possibly help you or point you in the right direction. he's talking about killing people, please don't take this lightly. as bad as it is now, it can and probably will get so much worse. in my opinion, don't sound like he's too interested in following any plan that you or your counselor is offering and i'm sire you don't want this to cause you to lose costody of your kids. i'll keep you in my prayers,.

RedTailHawk

I have been there to some degree and understand the anguish and pain and fear. It is amazing what someone will do to hurt someone else. You don't deserve it. You deserve peace and love in your life.

Leave and don't look back. Trust the counselor and do as directed. He is not worth getting hurt for... Draw a line in the sand today and say " I refuse to live in fear any more!" I remember the day I drew that line...it was hard and it was emotional and now I look back and realize that was the day I took my power back. You can do this! You are stonger than you think you are...

Serenity Bound

I agree with all of the others. Please leave now!!! Protect yourself & your children.

outtolunch

I have had a fantasy, for decades, where I could inhabit the body of abused women and do what has to be done to get them and their kids out of harms way. In this fantasy, I am always carrying a baseball bat.

I am going to revise this fantasy and go back to the begining and walk away from these lunatics, before getting involved. I will still carry a bat.

Back to reality.....this man is not going to help you. You have to help yourself and your children. Please get to a safe place. I am giving you my figurative bat, to carry along at your side.

kuljey

i am safe right now.ran into his PO at court house (they granted me temp rest ord) and said he will not let out of jail till his probation over in sept.

i am in so much SHOCK!! he knew i cared about him, he used me, he didnt care 1 bit about my kids.

his daughters family is so nuts! they are saying i did this to ruin his life and to ruin his relationship w/her and keep him from her.

he actually had the nerve to have his mother call me to tell me hes not mad, loves me, and want me to visit him in jail.

Nikki2003

WOW I feel like I am reading something someone wrote about me and what I am going through with my husband. My advice is to protect yourself. Use all the resources that are there in your community. Keep the police and the PO officer updated, even about phone calls from his family and friends. All of the info goes into his file. Keep the shelter aware of the situation as well. That way if you suddenly need to go there they know why and are prepared for your arrival. Have an escape plan and let your neighbours know the situation. It is amazing how much assistance a neighbour can be. I showed my neighbours a picture of my husband so if they are see him they either call the police or let me know right away. Remember you need to stay safe and healthy to be able to protect your kids. If he hurts you then he is in fact hurting your kids and making it so no one can protect them

PurpleWilder

Also:

I don't know if your kids are school-age or not, but if they are you also need to leave copies of the order of protection with their school's main office and with STRICT instructions that he is not to EVER pick those children up or even appear on school grounds. He is saying he could get you even from jail? Make sure those kids are not walking home from school or the bus. I know it is kinda embarassing to let the school in on what is happening, but that is better than possible alternatives.....

Same goes for their daycare, Bible school teachers, babysitters/caregivers. etc. TELL EVERYONE what is going on. Protect yourself and protect those kids.

And DO NOT violate the order by contacting him in any form for anything. DO NOT CONTACT him - his family, friends, fellow idiots, whatever - at all! It can be used as grounds for questioning the validity of the order and just encourages the crazy-making behavior anyway.

cinderellawkids

From the things he said to you and threats of getting to you even from jail, should be taken seriously. There is way to much gang activities these days, is there any chance of relocating? Dont let kids even if old enough be unattended, this could eb very very serious

laurie6781

You know what? His whole family is nuts.

GET OUT OF THERE. TRO or no TRO, in jail or not, get YOU and THE CHILDREN to the DV shelter NOW.

They will help you.

This is going to escalate more and not just from him, but his family.

Please, please, get to the DV SHELTER NOW!!!!!

Love and hugs,

ps you have my number

winnie12

I'm so glad he's gone for a while. This will give you a chance to get things in order. You cannot be with someone like this. There is another thing you must think of - you have social services in your life - if you even think about going back to him after all of this then they will eventually take your children away from you. Please dont forget what he's put you through. Do what you need to do - stay away from him AND his family and do what you need to for yourself and your children. Who cares what his family thinks - you know what he has done to you and your children is unacceptable - if they cant see that then i wouldnt care in the least what they think - your job is to take care of your children not please them or him. If you talk to them then all you will be doing is allowing yourself to continue to be manipulated by him - he is using them to keep this torment going. you should also keep documenting everything and if you feel the least bit of danger from anyone get to a shelter. they can help you start over and keep you safe.

ItsmeAlice

I agree with the advice given. I am so proud that you are taking steps to end this madness. You are worth every effort and every offer of help you receive to be safe and sound and far away from his violence and the anger from his family.

You have started this journey. It's probably terrifying and anxiety inducing, but it must be done.

You want to be on this earth to see your children grow and experience all the world has to offer. You can do this!!!

I'll be thinking of you.

Alice

BigSis

((kuljey))

I know you know what to do - you've known all along. Something is keeping you in this loop, and until you can identify it - you are likely to keep spinning.

The problem with waiting until you can figure out what the hook is that you allow him to have in you is this - your kids may either die, or watch you die during the waiting process.

Those guys you see in the news are no different than your guy - most men who kill their wives are described as "quiet", "good neighbors", "good friends". So if your guy is even MORE outspoken, he might taken action even sooner or harder.

I've been where you are and chose that both my kids and I should stay - time and again. And it was only when the beatings were SO bad that HE couldn't stand it, and he left me... that's when the healing was able to begin. For him, too.

Read Ann's post again, she knows what she is talking about. You might be able to do some journaling and some introspection while at the center that can help you figure out what you need in a partner, and what it was in him that drew you in. But you need "time" to do that....

What they tell us in Alanon is to make a list of what we want in a partner, then become the list. The more we evolve into what we want in others, the more those kind of folks can be drawn to our energy. Why not start today by being your own best friend? Treat yourself with respect and kindness and allow yourself time to sort this out in a level headed way. Treat YOURSELF right by leaving and getting to a safe place... and deal with HIS stuff, his needs, his anger ...later.


(((hugs))))


and let us know if you are able to get to a safe place, even if he changes his tune, get safe and do some heavy thinking. If he is a good partner, a good friend, he will accept that.

d

kuljey

well guys..day 1 after getting the tro. im so very very tired guys. i really need HELP!!! hes good at twisting things around. he had the police goin about me hurting me. i have been really tired, and sleeping alot, but my daughters counselor (our family counselor--the one who talked to him and he told her he would beat the f' s' out of me) was over last nite to do our 'thing' and she said i look rested already.

im saying people i really really need help. i need a lawyer. the crime victim adv for the pd here is no help. the womens shelter legal adv is on maternity leave. i spoke to his PO and he said i really need a strong case. witnesses. etc. of course the counselor my daughter and our family see will help but i need to GET MY DUCKS IN A ROW!! and geez louise, this paperwork for divorce. OH MY. we were married since march of this year and i have to give him my 401k, 1/2 of my assests??? he has nothing. as a matter of fact i have his SINGLE BAG of assets ready for his family. his clothes, shoes, a few pieces of paper. thats it!

i am feeling very very vunerable. im short on brain-waves (dont know how to explain) so im coming here to ask desperatly for help. i feel so alone and your support is so very crucial/helpful.i have court in couple of weeks and have to figure out what to do about the rest order hearing. and do this div thing while hes in jail, while i have him pinned down and can have him servd there. after that, he will be roaming here and there.

thanks!

winnie12

Try legal aid - you might be able to call your state bar for attorneys and see if they have legal aid. i know in my state they do help abused women alot - it is one of the main areas that they do provide free legal advice.
Try New Mexico Domestic Violence Resources - An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection for a bunch of links. there is also domestic violence legal hotline where you can get free legal advice at Domestic Violence Legal Hotline 1-800-209-3854

Start writing down everything - as many facts as you can remember and as many witnesses as you can think of. The counselor is a great advocate but the more you can come up with the better. Judges like to see facts - they dont care so much about emotion so keep it very factual.
And stop talking to his family

outtolunch

The majority of assets within your 401K were acquired before marriage. You have been married only 4 months. It's unlikely a judge is going to award him half your 401K.

You need a spiral bound journal...like a book with blank pages. Record everything by date.