I think I am starting to get it!! :)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I think I am starting to get it!! :)
For so long I would react to what exah was doing and who he was with. I was over the top obsessive and it occupied my mind. Well, you all know that being obsessive with an active alcoholic is pure pain. All his actions did was lead me to more despair. I would analyze every text, drive by his house to see if the latest bimbo of the week was there, wonder why he wasn't apologizing to me and come crawling back...the list is endless.
For the past few weeks I have been feeling so much better. I have heard from friends that exah has been at different functions and has been drunk the whole time, making scenes, flirting with women when he supposedly is in a committed relationship again, being obnoxious. Instead of the gut wrenching feeling I used to get it has been replaced with thank goodness I wasn't there and he isn't with me. I remember trying to head off exah before he made a fool of himself and it never worked. I remember watching him like a hawk to see if he was texting someone or flirting with another woman.
The past few days have been tough around here. Baby has had a high fever and hasn't been real comfortable or sleeping. Exah sent some random texts that haven't made any sense and I rolled my eyes thanking God he wasn't here anymore and I could concentrate on baby and not worry about him!
Just was looking at my FB and noticed that exah had left some comments on mutual friends pages that are so yuck...obviously home and drinking as they didn't make sense and they were so not appropriate for public FB. I am so glad that when he sees those this morning he will be the only one embarrassed! I won't be anymore.
I know I have a legal battle ahead of me to keep baby safe and away from his mess. That sucks. I will put everything I have into that. But, I am sooooooo glad I am not part of his drama, his mess of a life, nor do I ever have to let that gross drunk man ever touch me again.
To all the poor, low self esteemed, desperate women out there: YOU CAN HAVE HIM!
For the past few weeks I have been feeling so much better. I have heard from friends that exah has been at different functions and has been drunk the whole time, making scenes, flirting with women when he supposedly is in a committed relationship again, being obnoxious. Instead of the gut wrenching feeling I used to get it has been replaced with thank goodness I wasn't there and he isn't with me. I remember trying to head off exah before he made a fool of himself and it never worked. I remember watching him like a hawk to see if he was texting someone or flirting with another woman.
The past few days have been tough around here. Baby has had a high fever and hasn't been real comfortable or sleeping. Exah sent some random texts that haven't made any sense and I rolled my eyes thanking God he wasn't here anymore and I could concentrate on baby and not worry about him!
Just was looking at my FB and noticed that exah had left some comments on mutual friends pages that are so yuck...obviously home and drinking as they didn't make sense and they were so not appropriate for public FB. I am so glad that when he sees those this morning he will be the only one embarrassed! I won't be anymore.
I know I have a legal battle ahead of me to keep baby safe and away from his mess. That sucks. I will put everything I have into that. But, I am sooooooo glad I am not part of his drama, his mess of a life, nor do I ever have to let that gross drunk man ever touch me again.
To all the poor, low self esteemed, desperate women out there: YOU CAN HAVE HIM!
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
I was over the top obsessive and it occupied my mind. Well, you all know that being obsessive with an active alcoholic is pure pain. All his actions did was lead me to more despair. I would analyze every text, drive by his house to see if the latest bimbo of the week was there, wonder why he wasn't apologizing to me and come crawling back...the list is endless.
I remember trying to head off exah before he made a fool of himself and it never worked. I remember watching him like a hawk to see if he was texting someone or flirting with another woman.
And yeah - the "gut wrenching" does get less wrenching over time..thank God. All my best to you!!!
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
No contact is essential for my well being. Unfortunately my attorney has suggested getting a written agreement from my AH until I can file for divorce, and to do that I'd have to communicate with him.
The very thought of having any contact with him makes me physically ill.
The very thought of having any contact with him makes me physically ill.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
This is great! I know what you mean about the texts that make no sense. I would get those from my xabf and start freaking out, wondering if he was going to do something stupid and end up in jail or driving drunk or something.
Such a relief to not have to deal with that anymore.
I hope you are taking the time and investing that energy you used to spend in HIM, in taking really good care of yourself.
Such a relief to not have to deal with that anymore.
I hope you are taking the time and investing that energy you used to spend in HIM, in taking really good care of yourself.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Startingover, I remember when you first got here, and kept on putting your hand back in that fire over and over again. Forgiving him for horrible things, taking him back, letting him hurt you again and again. And so very unhappy. I could tell by some of the long, drawn-out threads around your situation that there were many who doubted you could ever get away from him.
You can't imagine how crazy-happy it makes me to hear you say that you never want that mess in your life again...that's almost a complete turnaround from just a few months ago, and it makes my heart feel good to see you take the reins of your life this way. Not that I'm anything special, but really: the difference is just really awesome. You have worked so hard on yourself for this.
There will be some uncomfortable stuff ahead, sure, but we will be there for you when you need a little experience, strength and hope along the way
You can't imagine how crazy-happy it makes me to hear you say that you never want that mess in your life again...that's almost a complete turnaround from just a few months ago, and it makes my heart feel good to see you take the reins of your life this way. Not that I'm anything special, but really: the difference is just really awesome. You have worked so hard on yourself for this.
There will be some uncomfortable stuff ahead, sure, but we will be there for you when you need a little experience, strength and hope along the way
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Bravo!!
How wonderful is it that your little babe gets your undivided love and support when she's not feeling well instead of him whining about he doesn't get his needs met when you're spending your time tending the baby.
Yeah, that is definitely a thing of the past. Let it stay that way. She needs you and he doesn't deserve you.
So glad you are breathing easier these days.
Best wishes,
Alice
How wonderful is it that your little babe gets your undivided love and support when she's not feeling well instead of him whining about he doesn't get his needs met when you're spending your time tending the baby.
Yeah, that is definitely a thing of the past. Let it stay that way. She needs you and he doesn't deserve you.
So glad you are breathing easier these days.
Best wishes,
Alice
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Oh those "reality check" moments are such a breathe of fresh air, they are wonderful and also when you get them more often, it is when all this recovery thing everyone talks about starts to show itself
Its also great sometimes, when I recall the good person behind the addiction, and I feel grateful I knew this guy before he was drinking more and more. I carry the best on him in me, what he taught me. (Another poster said her baby carried the best of him too)
Too bad we could not end in amicable ways, but for that I no longer carry that burden. I know if he had acted like a decent person we could have parted ways without so much hurt feelings. Its great when you start realizing their stuff is their stuff. And when you notice you are FREE and you can fill your life with love. LOTS OF IT. Ad infinitum. When you realize that no, you do not need him. In fact you do better without him. And you know God has better plans for you.
That rules! hope baby feels better. I am so glad for you, its like crossing the bridge exhausted and finally watching GiveLove, Freedom, LTD, etc waving on the other end (the one where sanity and reality reign) and knowing that yup... against all odds...you made it. You are free.
Its also great sometimes, when I recall the good person behind the addiction, and I feel grateful I knew this guy before he was drinking more and more. I carry the best on him in me, what he taught me. (Another poster said her baby carried the best of him too)
Too bad we could not end in amicable ways, but for that I no longer carry that burden. I know if he had acted like a decent person we could have parted ways without so much hurt feelings. Its great when you start realizing their stuff is their stuff. And when you notice you are FREE and you can fill your life with love. LOTS OF IT. Ad infinitum. When you realize that no, you do not need him. In fact you do better without him. And you know God has better plans for you.
That rules! hope baby feels better. I am so glad for you, its like crossing the bridge exhausted and finally watching GiveLove, Freedom, LTD, etc waving on the other end (the one where sanity and reality reign) and knowing that yup... against all odds...you made it. You are free.
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 07-25-2009 at 09:31 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Almost slipped yesterday! Caught myself thankfully. Weekends are a notorious time for alot of communication with exah because he is a texting machine when he is drinking. Strange...the guy is in his 30's and texts like a teenager. I guess because he can hide behind it.
Got a few texts...thoughts started swirling and I made myself focus on something else and remember why I am so much better off without him and without his craziness. Nothing has changed and he is no different. I do get sad of what could/should have been but that is the past and my job now is to give baby a better life.
You guys are so awesome!
Got a few texts...thoughts started swirling and I made myself focus on something else and remember why I am so much better off without him and without his craziness. Nothing has changed and he is no different. I do get sad of what could/should have been but that is the past and my job now is to give baby a better life.
You guys are so awesome!
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Why not "save page" of those stupid drunken comments on his FB, to show judge etc if necessary? They would sure show why you are not happy with him having much to do with baby, if nothing else..
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Ahhh..the texting! My EXAH never would learn it when we were married and said I was stupid for communicating with our teens that way, that if they couldn't talk to him that was their problem. Now he has learned the art, and uses it frequently. I've gotten a few of those late night messages too, that just make you scratch your head on go "huh?". I got one very long and confusing one last week that was followed by one the next day that only said "nm" ("never mind" for those of you that don't text). I guess he came to his senses, made me giggle a little.
It can be annoying, but I see it as a reminder of why I am so thankful I am where I am, just like you do. I am getting WAYYY better at not getting sucked in to the drama and replying, so the texts are fewer and further between. I have had 4 people in the last 2 days tell me I seem more relaxed and happier. I think it is a process that has fairly predictable progression, just that everyone's timeline is a little different.
I'm so glad you posted this. It helped me see that I'm right on track with heading toward a healthier and happier life. Thanks for traveling with me!
It can be annoying, but I see it as a reminder of why I am so thankful I am where I am, just like you do. I am getting WAYYY better at not getting sucked in to the drama and replying, so the texts are fewer and further between. I have had 4 people in the last 2 days tell me I seem more relaxed and happier. I think it is a process that has fairly predictable progression, just that everyone's timeline is a little different.
I'm so glad you posted this. It helped me see that I'm right on track with heading toward a healthier and happier life. Thanks for traveling with me!
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 63
hey
I loved the bit on the original post about having the power to stand up for yourself.
you go girl!
I can't exactly leave home, but I'm trying to set boundries for myself
and I really have to get around to working on my self-esteem...
I'm never able to give myself enough credit, but can sure give it out
hooray for you!
great job on letting him go
I loved the bit on the original post about having the power to stand up for yourself.
you go girl!
I can't exactly leave home, but I'm trying to set boundries for myself
and I really have to get around to working on my self-esteem...
I'm never able to give myself enough credit, but can sure give it out
hooray for you!
great job on letting him go
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: London
Posts: 145
To Starting Over 2
I am with you and I thank you for this post. My xabf were together for three years. He was never abusive or violent, quite the contrary he was a charmer (though he never had a job in all the time we were together - that for me was the biggest problem). He always told me how much he loved me, how gorgeous I was, how much he lovedthe fact I kept myself in shape for him, he loved my body, he loved the fact I had no children or ex husband anywhere - ie a lack of baggage!! So I felt like my heart had been ripped out when all of a sudden in May, out of the blue, he dumped me. He told me he had met someone else although nothing was going on. Whether it was or not, within a couple of weeks he was seeing (either as a friend or girlfriend) an overweight (Not that I have a problem with it but apparently he did!) divorced mother of four young children. Rebound? I was devastated he could throw me to one side for this woman. I told him I'd wait for him. Apart from in the first couple of weeks where he did ring and text me a few times and we were quite friendly I have heard nothing from him since, nor (which I am sure he will be shocked about) have I tried to contact him. I spent weeks and weeks crying. Then I decided to google alcoholism, etc, to try to understand a bit more about the psychological effects, etc. That is how I found this site (and others too!) He probably thinks I'm still pining for him and waiting for his call. In reality, I'm pityng his next poor victim. Thank you for sharing your post. Every post I read is helping me to build up my inner strength. That that doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. Stay strong!
I am with you and I thank you for this post. My xabf were together for three years. He was never abusive or violent, quite the contrary he was a charmer (though he never had a job in all the time we were together - that for me was the biggest problem). He always told me how much he loved me, how gorgeous I was, how much he lovedthe fact I kept myself in shape for him, he loved my body, he loved the fact I had no children or ex husband anywhere - ie a lack of baggage!! So I felt like my heart had been ripped out when all of a sudden in May, out of the blue, he dumped me. He told me he had met someone else although nothing was going on. Whether it was or not, within a couple of weeks he was seeing (either as a friend or girlfriend) an overweight (Not that I have a problem with it but apparently he did!) divorced mother of four young children. Rebound? I was devastated he could throw me to one side for this woman. I told him I'd wait for him. Apart from in the first couple of weeks where he did ring and text me a few times and we were quite friendly I have heard nothing from him since, nor (which I am sure he will be shocked about) have I tried to contact him. I spent weeks and weeks crying. Then I decided to google alcoholism, etc, to try to understand a bit more about the psychological effects, etc. That is how I found this site (and others too!) He probably thinks I'm still pining for him and waiting for his call. In reality, I'm pityng his next poor victim. Thank you for sharing your post. Every post I read is helping me to build up my inner strength. That that doesn't kill me will only make me stronger. Stay strong!
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