acorns

This is my first post to this forum and I'm looking for advice about codependency. I recently got "dumped" by my partner of 8 months who has been sober for 5 months now. I never considered myself codependent. I always thought she was the one with the problem and that I was helping by being so supportive. I guess I'm just a little confused and looking for some input. Anyone else know anything about this?

Thanks in advance,
acorns

GiveLove

Hi acorns,

A lot of us have found that a really awesome first step is to head to the library or an online used book store like abebooks or whatever, and get our hands on a copy of "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. She has spent her life helping people shed light on what codependent traits are, how they're different from regular caring, how we get them, how they hurt us, how we get rid of them.

I was one of many (thousands, millions) who saw nothing wrong with my supportive behavior, even when it damaged me, even when I compromised my own life & happiness to "support" someone else. That book was a huge eye-opener for me, and I know it has been for many of us here.

Googling codependency yields a ton of great resources as well.

Glad you found us! Lots of us have struggled with this issue and there's a lot of experience, strength, hope, wisdom, and compassion here for you for the taking.

acorns

Hi GiveLove-

Thanks for your input! It's nice to know that there are people out there that are going through the same thing and that I'm not going crazy. I downloaded the book to my ipod b/c I have a 10 hour trip tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to it now!

acorns

GiveLove

Awesome! I can't think of a better thing to do with 10 hours behind the wheel of a vehicle. I listened to Martha Beck's book "The Joy Diet" for the first time when I was driving from Denver to Detroit. It was strangely meditative, like it sunk right into my head LOL

Safe travels, acorns!

Boogs

When I was in my relationship I never for a minute considered myself as co-dependent. I thought I was being helpful and supportive but now I can see what I was doing was enabling.

I will look for that book.

sandrawg

Beattie's book is an eye-opener for me. I am literally changing my behavior and my thought patterns based on what she said, and I feel so much better. it's amazing.

There is also CODA-codependents anonymous. I am going to check out one of their meetings, but first I want to go to al-anon so I can compare.