I'm terrified.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 146
I'm terrified.
I haven't shared this here on SR since I first started posting but my exab has an STD. When I first started dating him he was sober and I was crazy about him. He told me all about it. I didn't care that he had this disease.
We never had sex, which was a big part of the reason that he and I fought. A big part of the reason that he blamed me for everything, his misery, the drinking, etc. It took a real toll on me, but not near as big a toll that I might have actually contracted something.
No one in my life knows about this, I can't talk to anyone. It's so hard. We never had sex but we did "things" and he took a lot of unnecessary risks, usually drunk, with my health that could have passed this on to me. I'm just really, really terrified and I've actually put off this test for so long. I've talked to my doctor about it and he said the activities my boyfriend and I engaged in makes it "very unlikely" that I caught anything, but "not impossible".
I know and STD stands for SEXUALLY transmitted and I've never had sex with him so what am I worried about, right? I could get into specifics so you guys don't think I'm a total hypochondriac, but I don't know if that's allowed on here.
I really don't want to do this, but I know it's only another thing that's going to hold me back from receiving true peace of mind. I stayed with him for so long and went back to him so many times because I believed if I had this I would truly never be able to find anyone else. I believed that I was stuck with him and I think that he knew it. When we were together I was so far gone and so deeply under his control that there were nights I was even afraid to fall asleep with him, afraid of what he was capable of doing to me, but I slept next to him anyway. Completely anxiety ridden, it makes me so sad to think about that. That I was willing to risk my own health and my own body for a man that I was afraid to fall asleep next to. I've always wondered what he was really capable of, what kind of man he really was. With each passing day I realize more and more that I ever really knew what kind of man he was and that is so scary. But that's a whole other issue...
Maybe I'm just crazy. At this point, I HOPE I am.
Just needed to talk to someone. Thanks guys. Off to testing!
We never had sex, which was a big part of the reason that he and I fought. A big part of the reason that he blamed me for everything, his misery, the drinking, etc. It took a real toll on me, but not near as big a toll that I might have actually contracted something.
No one in my life knows about this, I can't talk to anyone. It's so hard. We never had sex but we did "things" and he took a lot of unnecessary risks, usually drunk, with my health that could have passed this on to me. I'm just really, really terrified and I've actually put off this test for so long. I've talked to my doctor about it and he said the activities my boyfriend and I engaged in makes it "very unlikely" that I caught anything, but "not impossible".
I know and STD stands for SEXUALLY transmitted and I've never had sex with him so what am I worried about, right? I could get into specifics so you guys don't think I'm a total hypochondriac, but I don't know if that's allowed on here.
I really don't want to do this, but I know it's only another thing that's going to hold me back from receiving true peace of mind. I stayed with him for so long and went back to him so many times because I believed if I had this I would truly never be able to find anyone else. I believed that I was stuck with him and I think that he knew it. When we were together I was so far gone and so deeply under his control that there were nights I was even afraid to fall asleep with him, afraid of what he was capable of doing to me, but I slept next to him anyway. Completely anxiety ridden, it makes me so sad to think about that. That I was willing to risk my own health and my own body for a man that I was afraid to fall asleep next to. I've always wondered what he was really capable of, what kind of man he really was. With each passing day I realize more and more that I ever really knew what kind of man he was and that is so scary. But that's a whole other issue...
Maybe I'm just crazy. At this point, I HOPE I am.
Just needed to talk to someone. Thanks guys. Off to testing!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I know it's only another thing that's going to hold me back from receiving true peace of mind
Absolutely!!
Get the test!!!
Knowing is ALWAYS better than no knowing and early treatment of ANYTHING is always better than ignoring a problem.
You can do this.
peace,
b
Absolutely!!
Get the test!!!
Knowing is ALWAYS better than no knowing and early treatment of ANYTHING is always better than ignoring a problem.
You can do this.
peace,
b
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Motown
Posts: 122
Reach deep down inside to muster the courage, and get the test. Ignoring it won't make it go away.
Will you abstain from a physical relationship for the rest of your life because you're not sure? That is not fair to you or anyone who is lucky enough to be in a relationship with you.
There is peace in truth.
Will you abstain from a physical relationship for the rest of your life because you're not sure? That is not fair to you or anyone who is lucky enough to be in a relationship with you.
There is peace in truth.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
You are already nervous and anxious, sweetie. Let's look at worst-case scenario: you have the disease. How would you be any more anxious than you already are? And if you know, you can get treated. Sounds ot me like if you don't have any symptoms, the odds are you don't have it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 22
Crazy4him, you kinda remind me of me. I too was with a guy that was unpredictable and I put myself at risk because of his controlling/abusive behaviors. I was so scared, after having broken up, to find out the truth about him... I was TERRIFIED!! And wasn't sure I had something, but knew there was a possibility. And I didn't do it right away, this was a couple years ago mind you, but eventually, I got tested. For everything actually ;-) You can do it, just commit to it now, call and set up an appointment and lock yourself into it, you will be so scared and nervous, but that's seriously the worst part!!! Whatever you find out, you will, believe it or not, feel better once you know what you are or aren't dealing with, cause only then can you take action and move forward! :-) you can do it!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
crazy4him-
put your mind at ease and have the tests done.
you have a responsibility to yourself, and also to any future partner.
they can test for the majority of stds via a simple urine and blood test.
if you know what disease he actually has, you can see what the test you need to get here:
STD testing: What to know before your appointment - MayoClinic.com
put your mind at ease and have the tests done.
you have a responsibility to yourself, and also to any future partner.
they can test for the majority of stds via a simple urine and blood test.
if you know what disease he actually has, you can see what the test you need to get here:
STD testing: What to know before your appointment - MayoClinic.com
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 3
I agree, get the test done. I know lots of people (myself included) who've had crabs, etc. My sister has herpes and she's now been in a good marriage for 24 years! I also have herpes (almost no outbreaks) and have had it for 30 years! I have two grown children and 23 year marriage. No, my husband never contracted the herpes from me. We were always careful and FYI, he married me knowing I had them. If it's an infection, you could ruin your reproductive organs by waiting so do it now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 146
Thanks you guys I took the test on Monday and now it is an awful waiting game. They said the results should be ready by today but they weren't. Ugh.
Just taking the test made me feel like a huge cloud had been lifted all on it's own. I've been wanted to do this for a LONG time and I guess now that I finally did my body is like IT'S ABOUT TIME. lol Now I'm in a bit of anxiety over the results but at the same time I'm relieved that I will finally know.
Just taking the test made me feel like a huge cloud had been lifted all on it's own. I've been wanted to do this for a LONG time and I guess now that I finally did my body is like IT'S ABOUT TIME. lol Now I'm in a bit of anxiety over the results but at the same time I'm relieved that I will finally know.
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