ventuhome

My addict sis-in-law is getting out of jail next Sunday. I am writing her a letter telling her that I dont want her coming back to live in the house I co-own with my sibs (ncluding her husband). SHe has no legal right to live there, she doesnt pay rent. She can go live at Teen Challenge and get some more clean time, or go move into HER OWN HOUSE with her tenant; she wont be homeless. SHe sent a letter to my teenage (minor) son, and she's going to be shocked that I read it. Sorry but its inappropriate for a convicted felon to be sending mail to a minor w/o parents' knowledge. Well her letter had very positive, encouraging stuff for my son. THat shows the inner good person that she is. It also had some paranoid immature addict speak in it. SHe really needs to do more rehab it get her brain back in gear. I also think it would look better for their case (to get son back) if she did more rehab, and I will mention that to her. Their family court case manager wants them to both get jobs, and my bro got a temporary one filling in for my housekeeper who was on vacation (hey I had to get someone, might as well be him!). He's doing a good job and I taught him some bookkeping. Bookeeping BTW is one of the BEST jobs out there - you dont need a college degree, you can work from home in many cases or part-time, pay is $15/hr and up, its not physical labor, and you can work your way up in business from it. The computer bookkeeping programs they have (like QUickbooks) practically do all the work for you. SO my bro has an excellent chance at getting a permanent job. He is also looking on line for a job for her, she has huge debts and restitution and court fees to pay. She's supposed to get a job, but really, who would hire her? SHe's a convicted felon (2 strikes), one felony is for theft of a bank card (and using it), other felonies are for identity theft, and one is for prescription fraud. Her last job was at a retail store, but no store is going to hire her with that record. She's trained as a classical vocalist and pianist, and she's been a music teacher at schools. Cant work at a school anymore. She's not physically able to stand for long periods of time due to serious varicose veins. She's also bi-polar, but pretty good when she's on her meds.
So we are hoping for some input on some jobs addicts can do once they start recovery, with basically no marketable skills (except classical music). Any ideas?

Ann

In Canada, the John Howard Society and the Elizabeth Fry Society help men and women who have been to jail or prison, to find work and also accommodation. They have a group of employers and landlords willing to give someone a chance...although it comes with strict rules and boundaries.

I don't know if there is anything in the U.S. like that, but perhaps there is someone who is an advocate for these people.

That said, she may have to start at something low paying and simple to build some respect and credibility with employers.

Hugs

stefanie

Can she give private singing and piano lessons? A friend of mine is an actress and supports herself that way between jobs.

laurie6781

If she is serious, and although California does have a BIG deficit right now, she really needs to contact Vocational Rehabilitation. They do testing to see what her aptitudes are, they help her find training for said aptitudes and will work with her to find a job.

But, that is all up to her. As long as you have made it clear, that she is now welcome at your home, then it is up to her to decide what she is going to do for herself. These are part of the consequences of her actions.

I know it's hard, very hard, NOT to help a loved one, that is an A and 'seems' to be trying to get their act together, but in all honesty, the help she really needs is not something you can provide. IF and yes that is a big IF, she starts attending meetings, she would be pleasantly surprised at the help that will come her way, not only for her own recovery, but good viable suggestions on where she can live, and maybe even a job.

There are many in the programs of AA and NA, especially in California, that make a point of hiring those in recovery.

So .................................. by all means make your boundaries clear, and leave the rest up to her.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

ventuhome

I found a company in Montana that is franchising classes where teachers teach a foreign language thru music. I'm checking it out but it seems to be legit. My SIL is a native German speaker and that is one of the langauges they teach. Its an independent contractor job so the schools will not have to hire her directly. Dont know if she could pass the company's screening if any. Thanks!!

hello-kitty

Waitressing? Fast food? Cashier? Cleaning Houses? Laundry mat attendent? Barista? Temporary employment service?

My ex is a "recovering" addict - emphasis on the "..." I don't try to fix him anymore. He can't find a job. Mostly because he doesn't look. He's not willing to demean himself to manual labor. Apparently as a former crack dealer, he's too good to work in fast food or washing dishes.

I have learned that the biggest part of recovery is making your own way, making your own decisions, solving your own problems and cleaning up your own mess.

I had to set boundaries for my life and lead my life in away that was acceptable for me. As long as the addict in my life could respect those choices he was welcome to be a part of my life. But I also had to respect his choices. I had to stop trying to fix him and control his decisions. He has to make his own way. And I have to stay out of it.

Mis

Thats is a good question. I think that the vocational rehab thing sounds like a possibility. I'll be checking this post again because i know someone (my ex) who can benefit from any information regarding this. Good luck :o)

ventuhome

Quote:"I have learned that the biggest part of recovery is making your own way, making your own decisions, solving your own problems and cleaning up your own mess." WHats making me kick her out of the house is the "Cleanin up your own mess" part - LITERALLY!!! I have never seen a woman be such a pig!! For years therapists have complained about how messy the hosue was, they could work with her son with all the garbage everywhere!!! (My other sibs and I had called CPS years ago about this, only to me told that bad housekeeping wasnt a reason to them to investigate). SHe never kept a trash can in any room but the kitchen, her room was littered with candy bar wrappers, used cups and plates, and of course dirty clothes everywhere!! ANd thats what I told her in my "you're not welcome back" letter - I am sick of your mess!! Because as the one in charge of the property, I have to keep the outside clean and sanitary for the other tenants. Her idea of cleaning up the kitchen was to sweep it all outside!!! My weekends were full of scooping that up and dumping it in the trash!! Now she has a bunch of her mother's stuff piled up outside and I'll need a dumpster. Ok I'll clean it up, but she is not coming back to make another junkpile. I dont think she cant do waitressing because it requires a lot of time on your feet and she has terrible varicose veins. Her criminal record will keep her otut of most retail stores. She could probably do some factory job like assembly or garment industry. Oh yeah one of her other skills is PLANNING. SHe had this little book, and she could plan these incredible dope runs with different identities at different pharmacies that were geographically close, so she could go out and within 2 hours she commit commit 3-4 felonies (Prescription Fraud) with the minimum amount of gas!! SHe had the dope runs precisely palnned a month in advance too, for 2 to 3 a week. If only she could get a job usung that skill!

ventuhome

My Addict Sis-in-law is coming out of jail tomorrow. She has a 90 day Intensive Outpatient Program to attend and weekly drug testing. The social workers involved think it would be in the kids best interest for her to come back to the house. Yuck. But my nephew's needs come before my own wishes. Even my teenage son says we have to do whats right for the kid. And my SIL offered to pay me rent; she cant afford it but its nice that she offered. Back to the title of my thread "Whay kind of jobs can they do?" - She got a list from the social workers in jail of 50 local companies that will hire people with Felony records!! Well we were pretty amazed about those companies.
My brother and I had a nice talk this morning, and he's really improved from going to NarAnon and Al-Alon. I like the person he is turning into.
My other sister, on the other hand, is still stuck in some fantasy world where by she can control the Addicted SIL. SHe calls us up and tells us what she wants us to do to achieve this control, and we get a big laugh at her efforts to gain control. (Not out loud!) Then we repeat our mantra, "You didnt cause the addiction, you cant control the addiction..."

thecat3

was thinking of same thing...