blessed4x

I had a huge breakthrough today after my Alanon meeting. I was able to own my part in all of the craziness of our relationship. I'm not saying STBXAH wasn't to blame too, but I FINALLY have a clearer picture of what my role was. I see how I was keeping the cycle going even after our seperation.

He has been just downright nasty the past couple weeks. I have stayed steady and calm, all the while repeating the serenity prayer in my head. Yesterday he was able to say to me that he is sorry and he owned his anger. It felt like a real sorry for the first time ever. I guess that is because there were no strings attached to it. He knows the divorce is final this week. We both have signed the non-contested paperwork. This it it.....he has reached the end of his ability to manipulate me and he knows it. I will not waver from my path. So I accepted his apology and thanked him for offering it.

Today I called and invited him to meet up at the spot where the kids and I will be watching fireworks. I gave him clear boundaries and no false expectations. I let him know that I was extending the offer for the kids sake only, because they would love to see their dad on the holiday. He may show up, he may not. I'm okay either way. The kids don't know about the offer as I wouldn't want them to get their hopes up.

Today, I believe that I can do what I need for myself without having unrealistic expectations of what the outcome will be. Today I see that I can still hate the alcohol, care about the alcoholic as a person and father of my kids, and love myself enough to do what will keep me mentally healthy.

bookwyrm

Blessed, you are an inspiration.

Still Waters

Awesome words Blessed4x!

Ago

I am so very very proud of you

:ghug3

We see on this board frequently, if nothing changes, nothing changes

You are a shining example of what it looks like if "something changes" and what it "looks like" when someone actively takes charge and responsibility for their own recovery and well being, it's been beautiful and inspiring to watch you on this journey

I will note it wasn't him that changed
An entire encapsulation of recovery is contained in these few sentences, going to meetings, taking responsibility...just wow

The funny thing is I was dragged kicking and screaming and tossed into the "deep end of the pool" and when I finally stopped struggling it was like....Wow...the water is fine...and it was absolutely freeing, I was no longer held in bondage by the actions of others because they wouldn't do what I want and behave.

Not that I don't immediately go jump in the nearest deep hole of stupidity whenever the opportunity presents itself, it's just I now possess the tools to climb out when I am done stamping my feet like a three year old and blaming everything and everyone around me for my "predicament"

Well done, I truly am so very proud of you

Wascally Wabbit

This is the kind of post that makes everything worth it!
You are going to be ok! That's just awesome.

blessed4x

*blushing*

Love the pool analogy. Funny thing.....when I was a toddler my mom took me to swim lessons and I ran and jumped right in the deep end with lifeguards blowing their whistles and scaring me half to death. I guess in that respect not much has changed. When I get excited about something I'm head first under water. And I am pumped up about my recovery!

I'm still trying to figure out why it took me so long to get started....I guess maybe I should just accept that everything unfolded in just the perfect time.

whyamistaying

That is wonderful news. Did he end up showing up?

blessed4x

Nope.....didn't show. And it was his loss. There's nothing like the amazement on a 5 hear old's face watching fireworks. I wouldn't have missed it for the world!

Pelican

Priceless! Thanks for sharing.

Peace and Hugs to you!

TakingCharge999