treefrog

Since I started being on this forum, I've done quite well for me. I've done weeks here and there without....I got hold of some money yesterday. Immedietly I thought of the drink,(why?) and even though I thought I was starting to get in control, I'm clearly not. These are some of the quotes I remember from last night. 'we cant serve you any more mate',
perhaps it would be best if you didn't come back....'Please stop talking to us'
F**K off'.
where has my life gone???
It's pathetic, embarrassing....Here's the thing. I'll probably do it tomorrow.

HideorSeek

Treefrog, many of us here have had fits and starts. The crucial thing, IMHO, is to get a grip and not let the slip become a slide. Keep posting and reading. we are here to help!

Anna

Alcoholics can't control their drinking and that's something I had to come to terms with. I tried and tried, and always failed. Stopping drinking was actually a relief.

treefrog

51anna, Thankyou for your response, also the pic of your lovely cats! I love animals, they always make me relax..X

treefrog

hide or seek- does that mean 'In my head only?' (i'm new to this computer lingo!) Lol x

barb dwyer

treefrog -

for many people , money is a trigger.

the point is - you DIDN'T go drink.
You came here!!!!

woHOO!

I think that 'hide' was trying to say not many people here stopped their first try.

serenityqueen

Quote:

I got hold of some money yesterday. Immedietly I thought of the drink,(why?)

Why you ask? Because you're an alcoholic. . . Just removing the alcohol for a few days, weeks, even months, doesn't remove the thoughts from our minds. That's why working some type of Program of Recovery is a must IMO. I tried to stop drinking and drugged more times than I can count by just abstaining and each time, I went right back to using. Have you looked into any Meetings of any type, individual or group counseling?

Don't give up, as long as you have a heartbeat, there is always hope. Stick around here, post your desire to drink before you drink!

God Bless,
Judy

treefrog

I think I get ya Barb! keep it coming though, I want to learn, I no longer want to be the pi** head. It,s a bloody nightmare....

barb dwyer

I'm very close with someone over there.
And I don't know if *I* could have gotten sober in the UK.
WHich is probably why the Infinite slung me
like a living yard - dart
into Butte, Montana.

'The point is, we were willing to grow along spiritual lines'
'We seek spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection'.....

we keep trying.
we keep looking to those around us
who have what we want.
we surround ourselves ith others
who are doing the next right thing
and we don't let our gaze wander from that purpose.

That ... is how we get sober.

Not one person is on this website
because they had no problems
with stopping alcohol ... or stopping WHATEVER.

You did the right thing.

See?
It's a GOOD day.

HideorSeek

No, I'm the dense one, treefrog. I was reading that you DID slip. But am I right that you stopped yourself by recalling what might have happened? If so, kudos to you! Those kinds of recollections or imaginings have stopped me in the past.

IMHO= In my humble opinion, BTW (by the way).

I'm definitely DTM (denser than most)!

NEOMARXIST

Treefrog, Alright mate.

I'm gonna be blunt and honest mate, as I have had to be with myself on this subject!

Mate I know exactly how your feeling: waking up and feeling very remorsefull, embarrassed, ashamed, demoralised as 'flashes' of things that happened last night flash into your minds, I hyave had everyone of those quotes you describe said to myself and probably hundreds more that I just can't remember. Horrible feeling ain't it mate, you feel really sheepish when you enter the pubs again don't ya mate and you clock a barmaid who you reckon you might have gotten a bit lairy towards! horrible feeling and it was really knocking my self-esteem, confidence when out n' about in town as I couldn't rember whether I'd kicked-off at certain people so I was always paranoid; untill I started drinking again, then it just became something to 'have a laugh' about with ya boys!!

Anyway mate, if YOU REALLY DO WANT to never experince these feeling you describe which are caused as a result of drinking to a level at which you become oblivious to your actions then you will have to come to terms with the fact that you will not be able to drink alcohol anymore, ANY ALCOHOL, and you will need to get to an AA meeting as soon as possible! It may be different for people in the USA and especially females, but I know that in England if you are a male then it will be nigh on impossible to get your head around and accept the concept that you ain't gonna be able to drink anymore, simple as!!! It comes down to the basic fact, if you don't want the crap then you gotta stop the thing thats causing it! only you can decide, It's taking me a long time to come to terms with it but the only way I think you can truly come to terms is by attending some AA meetings and mixing with others who have done it. Even then it ain't gonna be easy but all I know is that without doing this and living in england then you ain't really got a cat in hell's chance tbh of totally abstaining but not just being a 'dry drunk' but being a person who gratefully 'accepts' that you don't drink and embraces it.
Go to AA mate tbh if you really do wanna give up, an online forum is great but when ya boys come calling and they wanna go watch England playing at the boozer you need other 'Sober' P*ssheads mobile numbers to call to remind you why you shouldn't take that drink!!

Hope you decide whats best for you anyway mate. All The Best.

martha27

treefrog good luck on your path, it took me embarrassing episode after embarrassing episode and many many false starts before this final bout of sobriety. Just like you are berating yourself in your post I just got worn down fighting with myself, berating myself, the endless hangovers, the fights, the apologies, all the pubs and clubs I never want to go back into, people I never want to see again.

After a period of sobriety last year I fell off the wagon again at the begining of this year and told myself a) I could control drink b) that I was actually a drunk and should just give in to it c) that I would loose all my friends and be a boring git if I didn't drink. So I started my controlled drink program.

Then one night just like any other I got drunk (whats new) and had a kind of break through moment I realized for the first time that I was the drunkest person in the room and it was 10pm and I was talking to someone and they could not understand what I was saying and for the first time I was drunk and embarrassed at the same time (normally I am not concious until the next morning). I then realised that I had no control at all over alcohol and I walked into AA the next day and surrendered, in fact I sat in the car and cried my eyes out because I finally let go of the fight. The fight to drink??? The fight not to drink?? Gosh....I just realised I was exhausted, embarrassed and defeated I was happy to let go, I HAD HAD ENOUGH.

I guess for everyone it is different, but after many times of trying to get sober and arguing with myself, sobriety came knocking in a very quiet way and I knew I was finally ready and I now never want to look back, life is getting better day by day, I cannot believe how much time i have missed, all the TV shows I have missed, family I have missed, I have so much catching up to do! I think you are getting closer to your own answer Treefrog I am really looking forward to following your journey, keep posting!

Tazman53

Treefrog you never have to do that again unless you want to. I along with hundreds of thousands of others have found a common solution to our alcoholism, the program & fellowship of AA. WHy not check out a weeks worth of meetings and see if it may not work for you as well? WHat do you have to lose? Some time drinking! What do you have to gain? Possibly life itself, a whole new life if you wish.

treefrog

thankyou for everyones input and support. x

sayaprayer

hope you have a good day. one that will make you smile when you look back instead of cringing, the drink will always be in our had but it don't have to be in our mouth unless we choose to. this is the battle it is a battle of the wills and it can seem like the blinking drink wants to drown our spirit but just that wanting not to do it just shows that you have got the desire to arrest the situation, and that is good. best of luck x