daffy

I really need help with some issues. My parents are both alcoholics and I definitely fit the profile of the adult child of alcoholic syndrome. I have a step brother who is being charged with a horrible crime and I'm having trouble with my feelings about this. I hate what he did and I love him and hate him at the same time. I'm having alot of trouble sorting things out. It's starting to affect my marriage and my job. I don't know where else to turn.

Morning Glory

Hello Deb,

Welcome to the forum.

We have a great support circle here. It helps so much to know we are not alone.

I'm sorry you are going through this with your brother. It takes time to sort through everything. There are a lot of us here who have loved ones in jail. We don't like what they've done, but can continue to love them. We also go through the anger and frustration.

Keep talking about it.



Hugs,
MG

daffy

Thanks for answering. My husband and family just don't get how I can be so personally invested when I haven't seen my brother in such a long time. I feel I have been robbed of the chance of ever getting to know him better. If only he had worked on his repressed anger through a group like this, he might have felt more comfortable asking someone for help. These are the same issues I need to work on. So many similarities...you know. Hugs back, DM

Doppelganger

Hi Deb!

Welcome! Frankly I think it's a little weird that your husband and family think it's a little weird that you are preoccupied with what has happened to your brother. Even though you haven't seen him for awhile... he's your brother for pete's sake. Natually there are things you need to figure out, even if your similar parentage didn't result in the same emotional problems.

Make yourself at home.
Dop

daffy

Hi Dop, I guess their all just a little sick of me walking around like a cloud of gloom and doom. Believe me I do have some of those same problems. I have my dad's dark temperament. That's why I can relate to how he reacted. Although I didn't live with my dad on a steady basis, I know just how violent he could be and my brother took this abuse for years and years. You wouldn't have known it though. He was such fun to be around. I'm feeling very guilty for not having gotten him away from there more than I did or that I didn't see what was up the road for him. Thanks for welcoming me. I felt comfortable right from the start. stompmom

JT

We have been taalking about guilt alot here lately and what I have figured out in the last few days is that it is a pretty worthless emotion.

Could you have done anything? Maybe. Was it your place to do anything? Probably not. Are you assuming that you could have changed things?

We do the best with what we know and when we know better we do better. That is true of your brother as well.

You are doing no one, especially yourself, any good feeling guilty.

Hugs,
JT

daffy

Just Tired, You are so right as far as the guilt. It's something I'm working really hard to overcome. A funny thing happened though. I went to the library to get a book on violence or some other topic to find out why my brother might have done what he did and ONE book kept screaming at me. The book... Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome. I read that book in a day and thought oh my God. It was me!!! All the emotions. isolation, compulsion, just everything. The best thing I ever did was to log onto this site. I feel like I have made so many new friends who not only make you feel welcome but offer so many wonderful insights and objective feedback. It's been a rough couple of weeks but everybody here has helped tremendously. I will work on the guilt thing though. Thank you. stompmom