feel the need to share
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
feel the need to share
As most of you know, my AD who was clean got a restraining order against her H & moved in with me. She was doing wonderful, staying clean, working her program, taking care of her kids. THEN, she moved back with H.....at that time I told her NO more. She would not be moving back with us.
At almost 6 mos clean, she relapsed, then tried to OD on her meds, went to physc ward and back home to H. (goodness, that was only a 2 weeks ago)
This week her H kicked her out, caught her using a pay phone trying to get drugs.
You guessed it, she calls ME. Thank God I have all of you, in my head. Say what you mean, mean what you say. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Don't enable. The Serenity Prayer. And many more tidbits of wonderful knowledge.
So, I said NO, yep she shows up at the house anyway, it's cold, it's raining, she only has on shorts & a tank top. She says she has no where to go, she'll be on the streets. She's crying.....you all know the drill.
Thanks to all of you, I held my ground, said NO, there are homeless shelters, sober housing, 1/2 way houses, etc. She says is that what you want for me? I said NO, but it's not up to me, you are a 30yo woman, these were your choices. Of course, she left angry. Of course, I felt like crap. (after all I'm still her mom ya know)
She came back, I let her use the phone to call some program friends, a program friend picked her up, told her she was not going to give up on her. She is talking about a recovery program (yet again). We'll see, I actually thought perhaps it would have been better for her to be on the streets for a few days, maybe then perhaps she'd reach her REAL bottom.
I tell you all this because, even though I'm growing & learning, I still breakdown inside. I know that you all understand what I'm feeling like no others could. When I shared at my meeting last nite, and some of my program friends said congrat's-you did good. There were tears in my eyes.
So, I'm trying to continue my growth, I'm heading off to a naranon workshop today.
Love you all,
Chris
At almost 6 mos clean, she relapsed, then tried to OD on her meds, went to physc ward and back home to H. (goodness, that was only a 2 weeks ago)
This week her H kicked her out, caught her using a pay phone trying to get drugs.
You guessed it, she calls ME. Thank God I have all of you, in my head. Say what you mean, mean what you say. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Don't enable. The Serenity Prayer. And many more tidbits of wonderful knowledge.
So, I said NO, yep she shows up at the house anyway, it's cold, it's raining, she only has on shorts & a tank top. She says she has no where to go, she'll be on the streets. She's crying.....you all know the drill.
Thanks to all of you, I held my ground, said NO, there are homeless shelters, sober housing, 1/2 way houses, etc. She says is that what you want for me? I said NO, but it's not up to me, you are a 30yo woman, these were your choices. Of course, she left angry. Of course, I felt like crap. (after all I'm still her mom ya know)
She came back, I let her use the phone to call some program friends, a program friend picked her up, told her she was not going to give up on her. She is talking about a recovery program (yet again). We'll see, I actually thought perhaps it would have been better for her to be on the streets for a few days, maybe then perhaps she'd reach her REAL bottom.
I tell you all this because, even though I'm growing & learning, I still breakdown inside. I know that you all understand what I'm feeling like no others could. When I shared at my meeting last nite, and some of my program friends said congrat's-you did good. There were tears in my eyes.
So, I'm trying to continue my growth, I'm heading off to a naranon workshop today.
Love you all,
Chris
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Oh Serenity - my heart goes out to you - had a crazy week myself and I know what you mean. We can know all the answers and do all the right things for them but it still doesnt stop from tearing our hearts apart. I pray that someone all of us with children on here can get to a point that we can just love them without having to make such tough choices.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, dear, I'm so sorry for how much that must have hurt to do, but it was for her benefit and ultimate good. My fiance received another e-mail with only a subject line that said "I'm working full-time, I'm clean, I'm tired of living in my car. Can you help with cheap rent?"
Although it hurt him a lot, he did not respond.....we are all still learning and growing!
Hugs, HG
Although it hurt him a lot, he did not respond.....we are all still learning and growing!
Hugs, HG
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
((((((Chris))))))
Doing the best thing for ourselves and our kids isn't always easy...I sure "get" your pain, but I share in your success as well. How hard it is, but you used the tools you have and I think it is wonderful. One day in her recovery your daughter will thank you for this moment. I have never, ever heard a recovering addict say, I sure do thank my mom for cleaning up all my messes and prolonging my use, but I have heard many, many share how they thought is was the worst thing in the world at the time but now realize it was life saving when their moms (and dads) said enough is enough.
Enjoy your Naranon program today! Keeping you and your daughter in my heart and my prayers.
Doing the best thing for ourselves and our kids isn't always easy...I sure "get" your pain, but I share in your success as well. How hard it is, but you used the tools you have and I think it is wonderful. One day in her recovery your daughter will thank you for this moment. I have never, ever heard a recovering addict say, I sure do thank my mom for cleaning up all my messes and prolonging my use, but I have heard many, many share how they thought is was the worst thing in the world at the time but now realize it was life saving when their moms (and dads) said enough is enough.
Enjoy your Naranon program today! Keeping you and your daughter in my heart and my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I have had to set a boundary with my daughter too lately. It is not about using, but the behaviors are the same. Tired of her boyfriend, tried the cheating route, got caught and now she is stuck between that rock and hard place. Told her it would not work for her to move home, been there, done that. Then I had to put to rest that little nagging voice in my head that tells me that maybe I should bail her out. Shut up voice, I am not going there
It hurts to let go and let them suffer their consequences. But it hurts even more when they are under your roof and bring their consequences with them. Hang in there. She will only learn when she has no other choices but to. Hugs, Marle
It hurts to let go and let them suffer their consequences. But it hurts even more when they are under your roof and bring their consequences with them. Hang in there. She will only learn when she has no other choices but to. Hugs, Marle
learning to live for me
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
I can't imagine how difficult that decision was but I am proud of you for keeping your home a place of peace & serenity and enforcing the ground rules. Enjoy your workshop! And thank you for sharing.
Love && hugs,
Holly
Love && hugs,
Holly
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Serenity))
Reading your post just made the tears flow. I see that picture of a mom who loves her child with her very soul, having to make that decision face to face with that child. Even at 30, they are still our child. I can only imagine how painful and heart wrenching that was. You did better than good.
You are an inspiration to other parents out there who aren't as strong. Thank You for sharing that.
Hugs and Prayers
B
Reading your post just made the tears flow. I see that picture of a mom who loves her child with her very soul, having to make that decision face to face with that child. Even at 30, they are still our child. I can only imagine how painful and heart wrenching that was. You did better than good.
You are an inspiration to other parents out there who aren't as strong. Thank You for sharing that.
Hugs and Prayers
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I can appreciate how painful that was. When the tears flowed from AD, I got torn up inside the most.
As painful as it was, you are giving her the gift of learning to live with her own decisions.
:ghug :ghug
As painful as it was, you are giving her the gift of learning to live with her own decisions.
:ghug :ghug
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I could so picture this scenario... with my kid's accusing voice doing the guilt-tripping. You held your ground, and allowed her find another way. I hope you can feel the strength of that... it is powerful! ((HUGS))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: old bridge, NJ
Posts: 23
wow, congrats ofon standing your ground and I'm really sorry about the pain it must have caused you to do it. My mother did that to my brother not too long ago... at first I thought she was evil, but now both my brother and me know that she did the right thing. She told me recently that right before she turned him out and took him to a bus stop, she wrote up an emergency contact card with her info on it and slipped it in his wallet incase the police needed to know who to call to identify the body. She said she pulled away from the bus stop and pulled over behind a dumpster and cried for 2 hours straight before going back home. She did the right thing and it hurt like hell.
Sucks that it has to be this hard for you guys, noone deserves that.
best wishes
Sucks that it has to be this hard for you guys, noone deserves that.
best wishes
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Serenity,
I'm so proud of your for holding fast to your program. It will help because I know the program works.
And isn't that just like a wonderful and caring HP to provide you with a naranon workshop EXACTLY on the day you needed something to keep you going? Never ceases to amaze what my HP can do when I get on the same page with Him and work my program.
Hugs and prayers for you and yours,
Hangin' In
I'm so proud of your for holding fast to your program. It will help because I know the program works.
And isn't that just like a wonderful and caring HP to provide you with a naranon workshop EXACTLY on the day you needed something to keep you going? Never ceases to amaze what my HP can do when I get on the same page with Him and work my program.
Hugs and prayers for you and yours,
Hangin' In
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