CPASpouse

Here's one that I'd love to hear some input on. I posted earlier this week and my sweety is in treatment. I've realized the error of having used with her and now have experienced some of the craving that comes along with meth use. The main person dealing to her (and then to us through me) was warned by her to not sell to me, and pretty much got a non-committal shrug, and while she thinks of this dealer as kind of a "friend" (they met in treatment last fall and exchanged numbers and the first relapse after treatment was after she popped into our life, called my spouse and since then it's been, well, just easy to access) but to me, that person is simply running a business. No fault in that, but as I've been alone here realizing how easy it would be to just go use on my own, I've been comtemplating, and have gone so far as to talk with a detective about, simply removing this person from the picture. For my sake as well. She's been asked to not be available to provide but it's just so easy and when the craving obsession comes along for my sweety she's so happy to just sell to her "one more time". I've really tried to check my motives here, and while I know that if there's a will, there's a way, use can and will happen, it just seems like if it's not so easy, perhaps the time it would take to seek it out might be just the time necessary to put the brakes on, or the craving pass etc.

I realize there's a certain amount of risk involved but it goes up the chain and if I do this, there's a high likihood that not only this person, but a higher level supplier would be picked up as well. I know too much I guess and I'm just tired of sitting around knowing that she'll be contacting my spouse (she's contacted me already) when she get's out of treatment.

Anyone with to take a crack (no pun) at this?

Thanks!

Chamabama

Why not just change your phone number?

I would never put myself at that kind of risk of retaliation. Even if this person is out of the picture, it's pretty easy to find drugs if you're looking. If you or she choose to use, you'll find something. But if you choose not to use, it doesn't matter what that person is doing.

That's just my 2 cents. Others may have very different opinions. It just sounds scary to me and I'm very risk adverse.

My best!

CPASpouse

I wish changing the number was a solution. We've changed numbers before (hers) but if my sweety wants to call, her friends number is memorized and even if the number is blocked for in/out calling, the old payphone works too. I guess I'm at the point where if I'm willing to risk my life in using the drug, why not risk my life in not using? And the timing while she's away makes it so I can operate this without her giving the "friend" a little heads up.

smacked

So you want to bust the dealer so you don't use?

That's a bit backwards me thinks....

Take some personal responsibility, in the end it's all you have.

Chamabama

Is it your job to make sure she doesn't use? I think that's her job. I'm not that well versed in the issue but I think that might be a codependency issue. Have you checked in the Friends and Family section?

HLBlue

Aree you usingg right now? Cause, iff you really wanted it overr, you wouldd walk away annd put it behind you, its thee past, lett it be.

ex D-Boy

lets say you do bust this "Dealer" [i put that in quotes because this person was in treatment with your girl you said and sounds to me more just like an addict that sells a few bags to pay for her own habit.] Do you believe this will solve your addiction problem and you wont use anymore because your connect is gone?

When the cravings get real intense(and they will..) do you think you will say to yourself "well i busted my dealer nothing I can do now!" chances are you will get into your car and drive around looking at bars and clubs or meetings for a new connect.

Drug dealers of any kind (whether it be crack, heroin or pills) are like weeds, you pluck one out and two more sprout up right after it.

i hope you and your girl make it together, maybe check out a meeting or two?

Aysha

I agree..And I like how smacked put it the best.

Wherever YOU go there YOU are.
Not only is that dangerous. Because its very easy to find out who turned evidence on someone.
But its not goin to solve anything.
Like ex - d said...Theres always a million more dealers. If you want to ..your gonna find it. And even if you dont know..I would bet your wifey does.

Take responsibility for yourself.

Mark75

If your sweety wants to stop using, she'll tell the supplier no thanks...

Stimulants are hard to stop, while I didn't use meth, I did use pills...I got off them myself, but I never want have to go through that again.

You can't do it for her, sorry....

Mark

CPASpouse

I do appreciate all the honest feedback. And it gives me more to think about before I perhaps do something that might turn out much different than I intended or hoped for. I'm not using now, and haven't since a little over a week ago. The ick fog in my head began to clear as my body and mind get a bit back to "normal" LOL. I haven't had any cravings nor have I been tempted to just give it one more shot, check out bars or clubs etc. Just not something I've been into for quite some time (although do enjoy a bit of karaoke once in awhile). And it might be backwards thinking (which is kind of what I did in reasoning myself to use with her in the first place). But I have some time to chew on all of this, pray about it and see how it shakes out. Thanks for the input.

jamdls

Yes you need to control your self and your wife needs to control herself but getting one more dealer off the streets isn't such a bad idea. Yes there will always be more dealers but by getting one down you may just save someone else's life besides your own.