Layla2222

Hi all,

Hope I'm not repeating something that's already been said, but this song was on the radio the other day, and I started crying.

It hit me hard as an ACOA. Its Kelly Clarkson, I believe. I'm not usually into her music, but the lyrics caught my attention. Undoubtedly a lot of blame here...hence, the title ("Because of you"), but nonetheless.....Just wanted to share...

ALSO...Here is the music video on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73-V2A3NuWo
It is amazing....brings tears to me every time.

~Steph

Because of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did

You fell so hard,
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far.


Because of you,
I never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you,
I learned to play on the safe side,
So I don't get hurt.
Because of you,
I find it hard to trust,
not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you,
I am afraid

I lose my way,
And it's not too long before you point it out.

I cannot cry,
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes.
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh

Every day of my life,
My heart can't possibly break,
When it wasn't even whole to start with.

Because of you,
I never stray too far from the sidewalk.
Because of you,
I learned to play on the safe side,
So I don't get hurt.
Because of you,
I find it hard to trust,
Not only me, but everyone around me.
Because of you,
I am afraid

I watched you die,
I heard you cry,
Every night in your sleep.

I was so young,
You should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else,
You just saw your pain.
And now I cry, in the middle of the night,
For the same damn thing!

Because of you!,
I never stray too far from the sidewalk.

Because of you,
I learned to play on the safe side,
So I don't get hurt!
Because of you,
I tried my hardest just to forget everything!
Because of you,
I don't know how to let anyone else in.

Because of you,
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty,
Because of you,
I am afraid.

Because of you
Because of you

DesertEyes

Ah yes that is definetly "us" in that song. The good news is that thanx to recovery, and a couple good shrinks, I am no longer that person. I am not afraid anymore, or ashamed. Today I am proud of who I am and what I have acomplished in my life. In spite of the people that brought me into this world.

That song is definetly who I _was_. But this is who I am today


Collective Soul - Better Now
YouTube - Collective Soul - Better Now

Mike

dolce7dolore

I definitely agree. I'd heard this song on the radio for at least a year, but it was Kelly Clarkson you know? I didn't care. Then one day I happened to actually pay attention and it was overwhelming. I haven't read anything about Kelly's parents being alcoholics (the lyrics were written by her personally), but they were definitely emotionally abusive towards her. It's one of the most personal songs I think I've ever heard. I'm glad you posted this--I was about to start a topic on the song.

Lenore

Yes, I heard it a while ago and thought that too!

JensSis

Hi,
I've been coming on to the SR forum mostly because of my addicted Sis in law and brother. Up until tonight I had never even noticed the forums other than substance abuse support, 12 step support and friends and family of... I just saw noticed the title of this forum and it hit me all of a sudden that this is me... that I am an adult child of addicted and alcoholic parents. I don't know why or how that managed to slip my mind, but seeing it written kind of gave me a wake up call that I have never had before.
This was the first thread that I clicked on and it had me in tears. I've heard the song but never paid much attention to the lyrics (probably because there's always 3 screaming toddlers in my car with me when I hear it). reading it struck such a cord that I had no idea was even there.
I've been trying to figure out why I have so much pent up guild and such a sense of obligation to fix everyone elses mess and with in seconds of noticing this forum and reading this thread, years of wondering and aparantly denying, came to surface and it all makes so much sense now.
So, thank you for that. Thanks for noticing and posting something that I have heard hundreds of times but never really listened to. It's like a big flashing arrow that I didn't notice until right now. You helped me make sense of alot of things.

tromboneliness

Thanks for the post!

And while we're at it, here's my favorite codependent song -- James Taylor's "B.S.U.R.":

She's been holding on too long
Hoping I'm gonna change
Giving it up just a little bit more
Each time I come home
Looking and acting strange
Putting her down for putting up with me

(Chorus)
Be as you are
As you see as I am I am
Be as you are
As you see as I am I am

Do you think you might improve me
Trying to take control
Watching every little thing I do
Just like a bleeding movie
Just like a leading role
Mama, this ain't me and I don't
Believe that's you

- Chorus -

First you make believe
I believe the things
That you make believe
And I'm bound to let you down
Then it's I who have been deceiving
Purposely misleading
And all along you believed in me

So we circle around one another
Playing a [not "I"] guessing game
Strangers at this masquerade
Pretending to know each other
We strain to catch a name
And never see the mistakes we must have made

- Chorus -

GiveLove

I love that James Taylor song. Never hooked it to codependency, tromboneliness, but gosh it makes perfect sense now.

dolce7dolore

I'm glad some other people decided to post other songs--now I won't feel bad doing the same!

The song "Wonderful" by Everclear has always been a close one to me. It's mainly about divorce/separation, but parts of it really fit, and let's face it... all ACoA's have parental issues that deal with those issue too.

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope its over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when youre little
And the worlds so big
I just dont understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that its all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends wont know
When the bell rings I just dont wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I dont believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when youre little
And the world is so big
I just dont understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I dont wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I dont wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I dont wanna meet your friends
And I dont wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now...

TheGirlInside

I'd love for Kelli Clarkson to come up with a companion song, like "In Spite of You" I found health, wellness and recovery or something like that!!

utopia

While we're sharing I also used to feel like that and do rarely though little by little as I keep going back to my meeting at alanon I change from that person......this is a song that sums up the 12 step thing for me and more of where im at now.

**********
we'd gather around all in a room fasten our belts engage in dialogue
we'd all slow down rest without guilt not lie without fear disagree sans judgement

we would stay and respond and expand and include and allow and forgive and
enjoy and evolve and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and
open and reach out and speak up

This is utopia this is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate

we'd open our arms we'd all jump in we'd all coast down into safety nets

we would share and listen and support and welcome be propelled by passion not
invest in outcomes we would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference
be gentle and make room for every emotion

we'd provide forums we'd all speak out we'd all be heard we'd all feel seen

we'd rise post-obstacle more defined more grateful we would heal be humbled
and be unstoppable we'd hold close and let go and know when to do which we'd
release and disarm and stand up and feel safe

this is utopia this is my utopia
this is my ideal my end in sight
utopia this is my utopia
this is my nirvana
my ultimate


(utopia;alanis morissette)

Lenore

I still listen to that Kelly Clarkson track and cry. I hoped I'd be past this by now.

Willybluedog

The one that affects me the most is Hurt, original by Nine Inch Nails but the song and video by Johnny Cash just blew me away.

"Hurt"

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember evrything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of ****
Upon my liars chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
Iwill make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Johnny Cash Hurt - YouTube

BadCompany

By Suzanne Vega;

My name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes, I think you've seen me before.
If you hear something late at night,
some kind of trouble some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was,
Just don't ask me what it was,
Just don't ask me what it was.
I think it's `cos I'm clumsy
I try not to talk too loud,
Maybe it's because I'm crazy
I try not to act too proud,
They only hit until you cry,
and after that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore,
You just don't argue anymore,
You just don't argue anymore.
Yes, I think I'm okay
Walked into the door again,
If you ask, that's what I'll say
and it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
with nothing broken, nothing thrown
Just don't ask me how I am,
Just don't ask me how I am,
Just don't ask me how I am.
My name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes, I think you've seen me before.
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was,
Just don't ask me what it was,
Just don't ask me what it was
They only hit until you cry,
and after that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore,
You just don't argue anymore,
You just don't argue any

BadCompany

Heard this on an alanon speaker tape.

al anon song ob la di ob la da

it's 11:30 and the cops are here'
I could use the rent to bail him out'
he would be so grateful he'd give up his beer,
but just in case maybe I'll pour it down the spout

ob la di ob la da oh! la la la la life goes on

Daddy's in the kitchen with a drunken face,
maybe it was something that I did.
cousin billy touched me in a funny place,
it must be me I need to be a better kid.

ob la di ob la da oh! la la la la life goes on