seemethrough

I slipped up this weekend, had 98 days. I'm feeling a little guilty...okay a lot guilty. But, I think more than anything I feel encouraged to give it another go. It made me realize that I can handle life without drinking and that deep down I don't want a life with drinking. I didn't drink to see if I could or to test my limits...I simply made a poor choice, but at the same time it isn't one that I regret that much because I learned a pretty important lesson.

FightingIrish

I am glad you are giving it another go. The only failure is when we stop trying.

Were you working with a sponsor?

Jane47

98 days is really good. Glad you are getting right back to trying again and you learned from your slip up.

Dime

Hi Seemed,
Congrats on the 98 days that is fantastic! I am glad to see you posting and still interested in having a better life. You might want to look at your recovery program and strengthen it. I went all out with everything the first year and it seemed to work.

joedris

If you fall 10 times, get up 11 times.

Dee74

what got to ya in the end, seeingmethrough?

D

NewBeginning010

Glad to hear that you learned from it & are right back at it. You seem to be back on track.

Do you feel comfortable sharing where you think you went wrong or what you were thinking when you got to the point of taking that first drink?

Maybe we can all learn from it, I am pretty new to this myself.

Take Care

NB

Kablume

Glad you're back.

keithj

Or not. The ego really likes us to think we are in control and that we chose to drink. I wasn't powerless, or didn't get caught unaware, or had no explicable good reason to pick up a drink, I just made a choice.

AA's Big Book has a couple of stories in the first 164 pages about people who drank for no good reason. It says, "The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink."

No, it does not say that in the book. And that tone of delivery can be a turn off. But the message is true. Call it self righteous if you will, but it is intended to get across the point that thinking you know how to stay sober when you have never been sober, will prevent you from getting sober.

Bill and Bob's thoughts on the subject are contained in Chapter 7 and elsewhere throughout the book. Alcohol is the great teacher when it beats us into a state of reasonableness. What they learned through the collective experience of working with others was that trying to help someone who was not willing to follow their direction was utterly pointless, and that their time was better spent on someone willing to do what they had done to acheive sobriety.

I appreciate that you are very new, keepcomingback. It's best to have an open mind and not assume that you know what is ridiculous and what is not. That resistance, the anger and judgement, you are feeling is hindering your efforts.

Aysha

I am glad your willing to try again.
I really like to see when people arent beat down by messing up.
It happens sometimes. Learn from it and move on.
Keep trying no matter what.

Sorry but that sounds like an excuse to me.
Like not taking responsibility for your action.
She is clearly owning up to hers.
Which is what we should do.
Not say..."Well ..oh well..I just couldnt help it. I wasnt aware enough."
I know excactly what I'm doin when I screw up.
And I know that I dont have to go get that first rock.
And when I feel like I want to get high. I will reach out. Thats a mental defense isnt it?
Maybe I took that wrong. Or maybe I am just wrong.

tommyk

Congrats on coming back! Keep coming back.

But allow me to share something... you didn't 'slip'... you made a conscious and willing choice to drink. Admit that to yourself, know it to be a fact.

Resolve to NOT make that conscious and willing choice to drink again.

Be on the lookout for that kind of thinking in the future. Pick up the phone, go to a meeting, visit a sober friend.

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.

seemethrough

thanks for the replies everyone. Some were nicer to read than the others but I guess the truth comes in all forms. I am not sure what got me in the end but I could probably pinpoint it down to trying to do it on my own, not really feeling comfortable enough to pick up the phone until after the fact. That is something I am working on...reaching out before I reach for the drink. Anyway, thanks again. I appreciate each and every one of you.

Tazman53

seemethrough, picking up that phone is tough, my sponsor suggested that I call at least three alkies a day, every day, counting him of course. He said do it even if it is to just say hi!

I thought what a crock of crap, how in the world is calling folks going to help me stay sober! I hated using the phone at all...... but you know I had agreed that I was willing to go to any length to stay sober so I did it. Well I came really close to relapseing one day and I actually called some one before I drank!!!! Why? Because I had actually over come my hatred/fear of calling people on the phone, even if it was for nothing!

McGowdog

That sounds like quiting drinking to me. If you're anything like me, quiting drinking doesn't work too good.

I did these steps and "not drinking" just happens automatically for me. "We will see that our new attitide toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part." "We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us."

If you want to try this program, you need only determine whether you're an alcoholic or not and if you want to do something about it. You do these steps and God will do for you what you cannot. That's the only hope I can offer for you.

If you're perhaps not an alcoholic, some of these methods of "reaching out" may work for you, IDK.

keithj

Oh, I hear you chiynita. I still have mixed feelings about that lack of choice phrasing. But, when I set aside my feelings and took the suggested actions, I recovered.

Obviously, I think that I can make the choice to drink at any moment I want. Liquor store is open as far as I know, and I can head down there and choose to drink. It's not so clear to me as to whether or not I can choose not to drink. I look at the evidence of my life. When I had really good reasons not to drink (marital, financial, employment, parental, legal), and really really wanted to stop drinking, I found that I still drank. I spent a while trying to convince myself I had a choice, that I just wasn't working hard enough at staying sober. It's almost like that seemingly noble idea of accepting personal responsibility actually prevents me from seeing the truth.

The first time I heard of that idea of lack of choice or even the disease idea of alcoholism, I was very uncomfortable with it. No, actually I thought it was bullsh*t. I was willing to accept responsibility for my actions. Thought that was the manly, right thing to do. I started to look at this in a different light after a rehab stay, another DUI, and hiding out behind the closed blinds of an empty apartment drinking morning and night. I was willing to get past my dislike of the idea because I couldn't stay sober.

Being recovered for some time now, I realize that I have had to let go of many old ideas. It doesn't matter what I believe or what I think may be right. What matters is the actions I take. That's where the personal responsibility part comes in. I'm responsible, when presented with a solution, to follow it to the best of my ability.

I sympathize with you, for your dislike of that terminology. I felt exactly the same way. Open mindedness is stressed.

gravity

I think the key question is what are you going to do differently this time?

There was a very obvious pattern in my own path to recovery. From Jan 2006 to Dec 2007:

Trying to quit on my own ("I learned my lesson, this time will be different")...78 days abstinence...huge bender.

Trying to quit on my own ("I learned my lesson, this time will be different")...80 days abstinence...huge bender.

Trying to quit on my own ("I learned my lesson, this time will be different")...13 months abstinence/moderation ("I'm cured!") ...huge bender.

Of course, prior to this there were many other failed attempts.

I would always get back to that day when drinking started to look good again.

In December 2007, I joined AA, got a sponsor, and started the steps. Not one drop of alcohol and, more importantly, the obsession to drink has been lifted.

Do the work and amazing things will happen.

Take care.

seemethrough

hello, thanks for the reply...but I don't understand what you mean by this?