constant

My Aunt e-mailed to ask about how my Dad is. He lives at the lake alone, two hours away from my sister and I. He is divorced and retired. All he does is DRINK sun-up to sun-down. I have confronted him several times about it. I don't allow my children to "do" anything with him anymore.

I decided to phone my Aunt and paint the BIG picture of where he is in his addiction. He has had some edema in his leg....not that he mentioned, but I noticed. He shakes pretty bad when he isn't drinking enough. He lives in almost a constant state of blackout.....I gave her a long list of incidents that had occured due to his drinking.

She is considering coming here (she lives 8 hours away) to have an intervention on his 60th birthday....in three weeks. Does anyone have experience with this? Do they cart him off to rehab if he agrees to go? I have mixed feelings about it. HE has to want help, but this is US forcing him to look or think about it....does that work? That isn't really what I have been working on......staying out of his business is....not forcing him to see it OUR way.

Blessings
Constant

MissyBelle

I was told by an addiction counselor that the success rate of addicts who enter treatment following an intervention is almost exactly the same as that of addicts who have "bottomed out". In fact, the intent of an intervention is to raise the bottom. I also know that seniors have special addiction problems.

I wouldn't hesitate to organize an intervention, HOWEVER next weekend is far too soon to meet with an experienced intervention specialist, organize the participants, and line up a treatment center with experience in the treatment of senior alcoholism.

Why don't you take the first step and start making some calls and see what you can find out....you can then make an informed decision based on your situation. Just my opinion, of course. Good luck!

Ann

Constant

I agree with MissyBelle that everything should be in place and that you should have guidance with this, before you proceed.

Sending prayers for your dad and for you.

Hugs
Ann

liddy

we did an intervention on my son last summer,
besides the heavy drinking he was in a terrible
mental condition. we felt it was the only way that
he could get help at that time. He slowly did get better(took mths)
and today drinks in small amounts and was diagnosed
bipolar. He came willingly when confronted by family
members we then met with a mental health professional
and subsequently he entered a hospital for 7 days.
Unfortunatly at the time he was in denial.
for your dad it might just be the trigger to force him to see
what he is doing to himself and those around him.
what he does after that will be up to him. Sounds like a good
thing to me Constant.
Gl in your decision
hugs
liddy

constant

Thanks for your opinions! I really see it as a last ditch effort before he is totally out of my life. With three children and their busy schedules it is way to difficult to schedule a visit with him when he is in that condition. I refuse to do that anymore. If he doesn't get help we will only see him when he sobers up to come here.....I won't put myself or the kids thru it anymore! My husband is an alcoholic and he can't be around my Dad...the last time he tried he had a horrible binge.....quit drinking after that, but until Dad gets help...not a good idea for hubby.

MissyBelle the tentative date is three weeks away. Still not much time, but if we aren't ready we can delay it. Just thought the birthday would be a good reason for him to come here or us go there...whatever it works out to be.

Will let y'all know if it all materializes....we are considering forcing him to a medical doctor......when faced with the realization of the condition of his body, maybe he would make the choice for help on his own.

Thanks for all the support!
Constant

solotraveler

Constant

You’re facing a touch decision. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m not an expert on interventions – understand they are one tough way to get across to an alcoholic that their life style is negatively affecting the others around him or her.

Your post hit a button with me. A personal experience with my family years ago and that still affects me today. Didn’t really think about it much until reading your post and starting my own recovery journey.

I went to a family dinner over at my parents. Something we hadn’t done since we were little kids or seasonal holidays. Dad, Mom, my brother and me all at the dinner table for no special reason, or so I thought.

The atmosphere was a little odd. No one really talked much. After we finished eating I found out the reason. I was accused of wrecking my brothers BMW - all 3 of them were in my face. It wasn’t a good night and I ended up getting out of there as quickly as I could – I had driven his BMW once or twice many months earlier when my brother borrowed my truck to move to another house – my dad gave the keys. I know I wasn’t responsible for any damage to it, but that didn’t matter.

A few weeks went by. In every phone conversation with my parents the BMW issue would be brought up – I kept denying having any thing to do with it.

After several weeks, my dad finally admitted to being responsible. Things got back to usual after that, but it always stuck in my mind.

Many years later on my birthday got a knock on my door. My parents came over to surprise me. The first thought that came to mind was “What am I going to blamed for, now. It really wasn’t a great birthday.

The point in all this is an intervention should be planned well, timed correctly and handled by an experienced person. In my opinion a birthday may not be the best time.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest

I wish you the best

constant

Thank you Solotravler for you take. I hadn't thought of it that way. The reason for that choice is of course to have a reason for everyone to be there.

We have a ton of research to do and it may take longer than we think.

I will think some more about an alternate date.

Sorry for you bad memories....but thank you for sharing.

Blessings,
Constant

sdp

I would love to do an intervention for my husband, but all I know ifs that the participants can't be his fellow drinkers. That leaves out pretty much eveyone, including family, that we know!! I would be the lone participant.
Solotraveler-that story you told is just awful!!! How could you father let you take the blame for something he did?!?!?!!? Yikes!!!
and everyone else just dumping it on you???

solotraveler

Like father like son - he was an alcoholic that never admitted it -

Knowing/realizing....then accepting....and the most important, moving on.

Appreciate the post, though

Just want to remember my parents in a positive light. They were true soul mates, but didn't have the greatest parenting skills, but what parents did back in the 60's & 70's