Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Feeling Good

Make yourself feel good.

It's our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good. Recovery is not only about stopping painful feelings; it is about creating a good life for ourselves.

We don't have to deny ourselves activities that help us feel good. Going to meetings, basking in the sun, exercising, taking a walk, or spending time with a friend are activities that may help us feel good. We each have our list. If we don't, we're now free to explore, experiment, and develop that list.

When we find a behavior or activity that produces a good feeling, put it on the list. Then, do it frequently.

Let's stop denying ourselves good feelings and start doing things that make us feel good.

Today, I will do one activity or behavior that I know will create a good feeling for me. If I'm uncertain about what I like, I will experiment with one behavior today.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

Finding healthy things to do that made me feel good was a new experience when I began my recovery. I had time on my hands because I was no longer occupied as controller of the universe, but I wasn't sure what to do with it.

I bought a camera and took up hobby photography...this got me outdoors and into nature, a place where I found inspiration and peace at the same time as well as having fun.

I began bird watching, nothing too serious, just following the migration of birds through the area where I live and making notes of each species I saw. Yup, binoculars and hiking boots became my new fashion and brought me lots of smiles.

I began writing again, not pushing myself for the "great novel" but just a short series of observations and inspirational thoughts.

I made a point of putting aside some time each day just for me, time to enjoy something fun and get out of myself for a while.

It sure beat sitting around obsessing and feeling depressed about things I could not change. Instead, I WAS the change, I let the change begin with me and from there on it was all good.

Hugs

imallright

Oh, the timing on this is amazing. That whole HP thing again. Working with the therapist to figure out who the heck I am and what I like to do. I can't believe how lost I became in trying to stay sane in the mess that was my life. Yesterday, the therapist said to me, "when you are feeling sad, alone, lonely... sit with the pain.... but stay with you." I am not 100% sure what that means, but I am trying. Then we talked about just listening to myself, trusting myself and how finding what I need will follow.

It truly is recovery this whole process. Until I started to get well, didn't realize how lost and sick I had become.

Thanks again, Ann.

CatsPajamas

This is a good thing for me to read today, Ann. I've been very busy lately, spinning more and more plates trying to keep everything going. I had to take some time for myself yesterday to "refill my tank." Recovery has taught me that I can only run on steam for so long before I crash, and when that happens I am no longer helpful to anyone around me.

I treated myself to a 30 minute massage from some Chinese guys at the mall. It was WONDERFUL and made a huge difference in the rest of my day.

Thanks for the reminder.

itisatruth

I really believe it was taking better care of myself - which in turn makes me feel good - that helped me realize exactly what I can and can't live with. Like...no way can I go from feeling really good - positive, laughing, having fun with my friends to coming home to the kinds of things that had been going on in my home. It wasn't the only thing but it definitely made things more clear.

imallright

Thanks Its... I know what that feels like. I was this happy, have fun person who then had to come back to what should be the sanctity of my home to feel rotten. The fun ended. The feeling of "you don't deserve it and you will pay for having fun" began.

I should be feel good about what I am doing at home as well as away from the zoo. It sank it for me too!!!!!

winnie12

I went to a counselor last week and she recommended a great idea along these lines. She said for me and my daughter to each sit down and write a list of things that we wanted to do this summer. didnt have to be big trips or anything like that just things we wanted to do over the summer - even if it was just going on a picnic or visiting certain friends. Then we are to get a calendar and schedule them - make specific plans that no matter what we are doing those things this summer - this will give us something to look forward to and we wont procrastinate about doing things that we enjoy because they are scheduled.

Neagrm

I had a recent experience of feeling badly leading directly to feeling good. It happened because I was able to trust myself.

A few days ago during a scenario with my dh I suddenly knew I'd reached my limit and set a very strong boundary with him. He was very p-o'd at first, but when he'd calmed down he returned and wanted to talk about it.

I was in the middle of preparing supper during all this. I stopped what I was doing, looked him in the eye and out it came. I told him I didn't want to discuss it at that time; that he hadn't "gotten it" for the past __ years I'd tried to reach him/explain/etc. so why now. Then I blurted impulsively but seriously, Maybe we should just split things fifty-fifty and call it done. I'm done!

It shocked both of us, but I suddenly felt it was the right thing to say. I reached my bottom and I'm coming back up out of the mire. He can come along -- or not. I no longer care what he does; I ain't staying there with him taking any more sh!+.

I feel much clearer and he is much better behaved. It feels good to set important limits.