josie25

I started this three day weekend dreading spening it on my own. When my son rang yesterday to inform me that he was leaving home for good at some point during the weekend, he left me reduced to a sobbing wreck and my expectations for the weekend being awful were fully realised. I decided however that I have to get on with my life, regardless of things not being how I want them. I realised that I had a choice of whether to stay miserable and weepy all weekend or do something about it. I therefore made up my mind to try to make the most of it instead and live for me. I got ready and went out with friends last night, took myself off to a car boot sale and bought myself a beautiful diamond ring this morning followed by lunch with another friend and then a new church for their evening service. I came home to receive the call I had been expecting to inform me that my exabf had started drinking again following his latest detox and realised that I did make the right decision to get out of the relationship - its been very hard for me knowing that he was sober. I am tired but content this evening even with both lots of news and know that I am eventually going to find my way out of this horrible place. I just have to keep working on keeping busy and occupied until life feels more "normal" again. Just wanted to share something a little more positive for once, as most of my posts have been from a person who is struggling and not coping. Today has been a good day for once - let's hope there are many more. To anybody else struggling, hang in there and take control for yourself - not sure I can maintain it all the time, but it feels good to have achieved it just for a couple of days.

peaceteach

I think it's important to recognize that we have to create a new life for ourselves too, much like the alcoholic must do when he/she finds sobriety. Couple that with your son leaving the nest and you being sad and lonely missing him I can easily see how this is a really difficult situation, one I went through myself a few years back after a divorce and then children off to college. And you are right, you can either let yourself be sad and stay home or you can tell yourself it's up to you to do something to change that sadness. It's tough, really tough, but taking those first steps in getting together with friends and making plans to go out are how you do it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, teaching yourself as you go how to survive those losses in your life but still remain healthy and moving forward. You sound great! And a little retail therapy now and then does wonders, I agree.

DESIGNER

This is what I am finding the most difficult. I love my weekends but also in a way dread them.

I find that I do well with keeping busy during the day but the nights are the hardest. Unfortunately most of my friends Friday and Saturday nights consist of going to a bar to drink. This is fun for them and i have gone a few times just so that I am not sitting at home alone but while I am there I am so depressed. I did this last night and did not have fun at all.

The bar to me has become a very sad place b/c I look around and see all those people drinking and it makes me so sad that our society's idea of a good time is having a few to many drinks.

Now I am not saying that I have not done my fair share of drinking but little by little I am finding that the bar scene is not a healthy environment for me.

What is someone to do on a Friday or Saturday night without isolating myself from the rest of the world?

GiveLove

Here are some things I have done on a Friday, Saturday, and/or Sunday to keep my mind from doing a number on me during tough times:

--Took a one-day class
--Took a workshop
--Went to the recreation center and swam, then sat in the jacuzzi
--Went to the local fantastic bookstore and met a really cute smart guy
--Took myself out to dinner at a restaurant where they had a community table, and had a great time
--Went to a basketball game
--Went to a baseball game
--Went to a hockey game
--Invited friends over and made dinner for them
--Invited friends over and had drinks and a great rented movie together
--Went out for a movie by myself, or with girlfriends
--Spent all evening writing in my journal, with my favorite music on the stereo and candles lit all around
--Gave myself a spa evening, with a bubble bath, a great book, and a glass of really good wine
--Called a family member that I loved, and talked & laughed with them for an hour
--Rented two really funny comedies and laughed myself to sleep
--Looked in my local newspaper's "events" section and chose something that sounded fun to do
--Volunteered at a senior center with older folks who never ever have any visitors
--Volunteered at our local animal shelter, sitting and talking with the poor lonely creatures

It was very hard for me to do any of these things at first, because my first instinct was to reach for the comfortable old cocoon of my unhealthy relationship, or the comfortable old cocoon of the bar.

But now I am so grateful I've found other things.......it has been very freeing.

Good luck, all!!