NAP

I have a question for you....I'm so oversensitive and overreactive these days I just don't trust my reactions.

I invited a friend for dinner at 7:30 - they rang at 7:15 (from a pub with my old drinkin buddies) saying they'd be an hour late and would I mind? I rushed around like a headless chicken after work getting things ready for 7:30 - would you be offended or let it roll off your back?

Thanks.

Ann

Yes, I would be offended. This is not an unavoidable delay, and I would answer that YES, I would mind as I had dinner prepared to serve on time, as arranged. Then I would cancel the dinner invitation, enjoy my own cooking and never invite them again. I don't accept rudeness in my life anymore.

But that's just me. I have had enough dinners ruined because of this kind if behaviour and today my recovery would let me speak honestly and do what was best for me.

Hope you had a good night in spite of your thoughtless friends.

Hugs

Dime

Yes most of us are oversensitive and overreactive in early sobriety. I most definitely still am after 17 months of sobriety. So we have to be extra careful not to allow others to control how we feel. The real goal here is not to be right or wrong but not to let others effect our feeling of well being.

That being said it is ofter easier said than done for me sometimes but often I can actually laugh stuff off and go about my day. Sometimes I almost think people are trolling for me to react.

Of course if had those friends at dinner I might ask them if they ever saw one of the hidden camera in a restaurant clip and smile.

Congrats on your 30 days - Fantastic!!!

littlefish

Why was the pub more important than you?

Anna

I would definitely be offended.

It takes so much work to have things ready at a specific time and at the same time. That would just throw me off and I wouldn't like it.

least

I would be irritated that my friends thought more of their time at the pub than my carefully planned dinner invitation. Very rude behavior on their part. I could understand an emergency, but not their pub excuse.

lovinmenow

SHoulda told them to stay at the pub. Why is that more important than you?? It is the excuse they used that bothers me. Lame ooooooo

Bamboozle

What Ann said.

Fubarcdn

I would definitely be offended and really annoyed so your gut reaction was probably the right one.
I would also feel some kind of pity for this friend because they choose to drink at the pub instead of doing the right thing and keeping the commitment they made.
One of the many amends I had to make up to my wife is staying at the pub and not making it home for dinner because I was controlled by the drink.
I regret this to this day and hopefully your friend will have some regrets for what they did too.
I don't think it was intentional but I do think the alcohol took over from them so I would forgive them this time but if it happened again I don't think I would be inviting them again.

flutter

I would be very offended, especially because the only excuse was so the person could hang out and drink more! I had to cut all the toxic people out of my life to maintain my sanity.. finally.

Toomutch

I would most definately be offended! I think it took a lot of nerve on the guest's part to even make that phone call. It would leave me feeling less important than the bottle. I hope you will confront this friend and let them know this wont be tolerated again.

Hope you had a good time in spite of the situation.

Freedom1990

You can count me in on those sentiments too.

Tazman53

In thinking about it, I would hope I would have said "Look, the dinner has been cooking for some time and is ready to be plated and served at 7:30, why don't you just stay with your friends and if you have the time call and arrange another time on another day. It is simply to late to not ruin dinner."

Of course I would be biting my tongue the whole time, but it would be one of those things learned in early sobriety, I learned fairly quickly the difference between a friend and a drinking buddy.

With a drinking buddy the drink comes first, with a friend the friendship comes first.

Should you be upset? Yes, but just let it go as a lesson learned, give a real friend a call and see if they want to come over.

least

...what Taz said...

123bubblegum123

Yes, I think the rudest thing someone can do is blow you off - especially last minute. However, it was polite of them to call and let you know beforehand, as opposed to just being an hour late.

Also, try to remember that they are probably unaware of how much effort you put into everything. Next time maybe don't put as much effort into everything so you feel less vulnerable and less likely to set yourself up for resentments.

shaun00

As my darling wife has said before when ive let her down.......

"your dinner is in the dog".............but then she is a red head.

digderidoo

I would be offended, and there is nothing wrong in being offended either, i don't think it's being oversensitive at all.

Paul

grateful2b

Your dinner is in the dog!

Jules62

LOL!

Seriously-I would be offended-for the reasons Ann stated here in the beginning.

Also?I'd have told them to enjoy the pub, not bother coming over tonight and that next time?You'd be happy to shout them a dinner at McDonalds because YOU deserve a break today, after all...

Julesxox

SelfSeeking

Offended.