Running away from myself does not work, Nicotine did not give me what I needed!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Running away from myself does not work, Nicotine did not give me what I needed!
Good morning freinds.
The brain sure is a strange organ, I have no idea why I sometimes think smoking is going to give me what I seem to be lacking, I envision this wonderful place that was depicted in all the cigarette ads of the vast empty plains with me on a horseback, wind blowing through my hair enjoying a nice juicy cigarette with no cares in the world. Then the record abruptly scratches and comes to a halt, that place does not exist. Say What?! Yeah you heard me, that place does not exist! It is a world of make believe, created in the science labs of the nicotine pushers and cancer dealers.
That Marlboro cowboy has been long dead of lung cancer, the happy place while smoking is a figment of my imagination. Damn, you mean to tell me this is it? This place right here and now, I cannot run away and hide with a smoke? Well you can run but you cannot hide from yourself! Gosh darnit, I tried, I ran and ran and ran, country to country, foreign land, by land sea and air, by foot by horse and camel, I always came back to this one place I so desperatly tried to run from, M Y S E L F!!!! Jeez, it took me a awfull lot of left jobs and expensive airfare tickets to come to that conclusion, and boy oh boy, like a pack of smokes I always told myself that the next trip will be different! Sounds sorta like the old mind telling me how that next Cigarette will be different. Oh yeah this current smoke taste pretty bad and I smell awfull and have a terrible taste in my throat but let me tell you after I get another cup of coffee my next smoke will be much more enjoyable. Oh would you believe it never was? It never was like I thought it would be. Those smokes never gave me what I hoped and imagined it would feel like, the anticipation was so much better then the actual end result of sucking down those noxious chemicals.
So I try and stay in the present moment of right now, instead of trying to run away into my mind to the future and the past (that may or may not have ever even existed, (FantasyLand!), let me try and be here at this moment. So I am typing to my freinds who understand how I feel because after all we are all in this together and sometimes when our mind plays tricks on us and we think that smoking or using is going to make things better we need to check in and remember that it did not give us what we wanted 9 times out of 10 otherwise we would not be here. Sure I am not going to lie, a cigarette felt good every now and then, it is the other 10,000 cigarettes that followed that first one that was the problem!
Anyways I am glad to be here today with over 7 1/2 months, it is nowhere near as difficult as it was the first few days and weeks, it does get easier although with the passage of time can come complacency and selective memory, forgetting about the negatives of Cigarettes and obsessing over the few positives, it sure is crazy how the mind seems to forget so easily, which is I guess why so many nicotine recovery programs talk about "Relapse Insurance" being a paragraph that one writes about why they are choosing to quit, if we ever "Forget" we can always open up that note to ourselves. I think I am going to write my future self another note about smoking so if I "forget" just why I quit I can quickly remind myself without having to go down that road of "just one drag" which will inevitably lead to complete relapse and almost certain death from this horrific addiction.
Thanks for listening to me and I wish each and every one here a wonderful day and all the strength, health and success in one breath at a time taking back control of our lives from a little stick of chemicals and twigs (or pouch) or Gum.
Have a wonderful day.
God/HigherPower/Universe/energy/buddah/life/earth/ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. (like how people act in traffic, how people act towards me)
The courage to change the things I can (Like how I respond to people in traffic,how I act and reAct to my fellows) and the Wisdom to know the difference. (what is my business and what is none of my business?)
Thank you for this day. Thank you for being you. Thank you!
The brain sure is a strange organ, I have no idea why I sometimes think smoking is going to give me what I seem to be lacking, I envision this wonderful place that was depicted in all the cigarette ads of the vast empty plains with me on a horseback, wind blowing through my hair enjoying a nice juicy cigarette with no cares in the world. Then the record abruptly scratches and comes to a halt, that place does not exist. Say What?! Yeah you heard me, that place does not exist! It is a world of make believe, created in the science labs of the nicotine pushers and cancer dealers.
That Marlboro cowboy has been long dead of lung cancer, the happy place while smoking is a figment of my imagination. Damn, you mean to tell me this is it? This place right here and now, I cannot run away and hide with a smoke? Well you can run but you cannot hide from yourself! Gosh darnit, I tried, I ran and ran and ran, country to country, foreign land, by land sea and air, by foot by horse and camel, I always came back to this one place I so desperatly tried to run from, M Y S E L F!!!! Jeez, it took me a awfull lot of left jobs and expensive airfare tickets to come to that conclusion, and boy oh boy, like a pack of smokes I always told myself that the next trip will be different! Sounds sorta like the old mind telling me how that next Cigarette will be different. Oh yeah this current smoke taste pretty bad and I smell awfull and have a terrible taste in my throat but let me tell you after I get another cup of coffee my next smoke will be much more enjoyable. Oh would you believe it never was? It never was like I thought it would be. Those smokes never gave me what I hoped and imagined it would feel like, the anticipation was so much better then the actual end result of sucking down those noxious chemicals.
So I try and stay in the present moment of right now, instead of trying to run away into my mind to the future and the past (that may or may not have ever even existed, (FantasyLand!), let me try and be here at this moment. So I am typing to my freinds who understand how I feel because after all we are all in this together and sometimes when our mind plays tricks on us and we think that smoking or using is going to make things better we need to check in and remember that it did not give us what we wanted 9 times out of 10 otherwise we would not be here. Sure I am not going to lie, a cigarette felt good every now and then, it is the other 10,000 cigarettes that followed that first one that was the problem!
Anyways I am glad to be here today with over 7 1/2 months, it is nowhere near as difficult as it was the first few days and weeks, it does get easier although with the passage of time can come complacency and selective memory, forgetting about the negatives of Cigarettes and obsessing over the few positives, it sure is crazy how the mind seems to forget so easily, which is I guess why so many nicotine recovery programs talk about "Relapse Insurance" being a paragraph that one writes about why they are choosing to quit, if we ever "Forget" we can always open up that note to ourselves. I think I am going to write my future self another note about smoking so if I "forget" just why I quit I can quickly remind myself without having to go down that road of "just one drag" which will inevitably lead to complete relapse and almost certain death from this horrific addiction.
Thanks for listening to me and I wish each and every one here a wonderful day and all the strength, health and success in one breath at a time taking back control of our lives from a little stick of chemicals and twigs (or pouch) or Gum.
Have a wonderful day.
God/HigherPower/Universe/energy/buddah/life/earth/ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. (like how people act in traffic, how people act towards me)
The courage to change the things I can (Like how I respond to people in traffic,how I act and reAct to my fellows) and the Wisdom to know the difference. (what is my business and what is none of my business?)
Thank you for this day. Thank you for being you. Thank you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
I read a fantastic post on another site. I wanted to share it with everyone.
"THERE IS NO LEGITIMATE REASON TO RELAPSE........
We would understand that the person who just went through a horrible life tragedy has just compounded his or her problem by thinking that somehow relapsing to a drug that will slowly cripple him or her, cost him or her a small fortune over the rest of his or her life, will make him or her a more nervous and sadder person for the rest of his or her life, and will likely eventually kill him or her. Do we feel bad for the person for the original problem? Sure we do. But the fact is every person on this board has past, present and will face future life tragedies.
But every person on this board has to recognize that no matter what the stress, smoking cannot solve it. All smoking will do is cause another problem, in many ways a bigger problem than the problem that led the ex-smoker to take relapse. While it may sound heartless to say a bigger problem, if the problem were a loss of a child, spouse, parent, sibling, or even a close friend, the bottom line is smoking can cause the death of you.
That is going to leave your parents, wife, husband, siblings, friends and everyone else you know facing the same feelings of loss and disruption. Do you want any of these people to relapse to drug addiction when you die? If on your death bed would pass out cigarettes to your children who are ex-smokers, heroin to your siblings are a recovering addicts, bottles of booze to your parents who have been successfully off drinking for decades? Would you say to them, "Well I am going now, you may all want to consider taking this stuff, I understand how upset you must be."
There are only two legitimate reason to relapse. One, you want to go back to smoking until it cripples then kills you or two, you enjoy withdrawal so much you never want it to end. If this is the case just take one puff every third day, withdrawal will last forever.
Any other reason you take it is not legitimate, and thinking that it is will only undercut your ability to ever quit and stay off for over life other things will happen. If one tragedy is a good reason, so will the next one be. To have to explain this to each and every members specific past life tragedy would tie the board up. It would in fact become a diversion to what everyone is here for. To focus on not smoking today.
We must remember the past, and hopefully learn from it. But the lesson had better be the real understanding that a past relapse was a mistake, a big mistake, one that if not undone now in itself will be a tragedy. If the lesson is anything else, that relapse was the biggest mistake you ever made in your life, one that in fact one day will cost you your life. Don't get caught up in the mind games of a legitimate relapse. Instead, learn from the past and prepare yourself to face the future, no matter what it holds with your full commitment and resolve to never take another puff!
""""
From Freedom from Nicotine's Key Topics Index
"THERE IS NO LEGITIMATE REASON TO RELAPSE........
We would understand that the person who just went through a horrible life tragedy has just compounded his or her problem by thinking that somehow relapsing to a drug that will slowly cripple him or her, cost him or her a small fortune over the rest of his or her life, will make him or her a more nervous and sadder person for the rest of his or her life, and will likely eventually kill him or her. Do we feel bad for the person for the original problem? Sure we do. But the fact is every person on this board has past, present and will face future life tragedies.
But every person on this board has to recognize that no matter what the stress, smoking cannot solve it. All smoking will do is cause another problem, in many ways a bigger problem than the problem that led the ex-smoker to take relapse. While it may sound heartless to say a bigger problem, if the problem were a loss of a child, spouse, parent, sibling, or even a close friend, the bottom line is smoking can cause the death of you.
That is going to leave your parents, wife, husband, siblings, friends and everyone else you know facing the same feelings of loss and disruption. Do you want any of these people to relapse to drug addiction when you die? If on your death bed would pass out cigarettes to your children who are ex-smokers, heroin to your siblings are a recovering addicts, bottles of booze to your parents who have been successfully off drinking for decades? Would you say to them, "Well I am going now, you may all want to consider taking this stuff, I understand how upset you must be."
There are only two legitimate reason to relapse. One, you want to go back to smoking until it cripples then kills you or two, you enjoy withdrawal so much you never want it to end. If this is the case just take one puff every third day, withdrawal will last forever.
Any other reason you take it is not legitimate, and thinking that it is will only undercut your ability to ever quit and stay off for over life other things will happen. If one tragedy is a good reason, so will the next one be. To have to explain this to each and every members specific past life tragedy would tie the board up. It would in fact become a diversion to what everyone is here for. To focus on not smoking today.
We must remember the past, and hopefully learn from it. But the lesson had better be the real understanding that a past relapse was a mistake, a big mistake, one that if not undone now in itself will be a tragedy. If the lesson is anything else, that relapse was the biggest mistake you ever made in your life, one that in fact one day will cost you your life. Don't get caught up in the mind games of a legitimate relapse. Instead, learn from the past and prepare yourself to face the future, no matter what it holds with your full commitment and resolve to never take another puff!
""""
From Freedom from Nicotine's Key Topics Index
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
All smoking will do is cause another problem, in many ways a bigger problem than the problem that led the ex-smoker to take relapse. While it may sound heartless to say a bigger problem, if the problem were a loss of a child, spouse, parent, sibling, or even a close friend, the bottom line is smoking can cause the death of you. :>(
That is going to leave your parents, wife, husband, siblings, friends and everyone else you know facing the same feelings of loss and disruption. Do you want any of these people to relapse to drug addiction when you die? If on your death bed would pass out cigarettes to your children who are ex-smokers, heroin to your siblings are a recovering addicts, bottles of booze to your parents who have been successfully off drinking for decades? Would you say to them, "Well I am going now, you may all want to consider taking this stuff, I understand how upset you must be."
That is going to leave your parents, wife, husband, siblings, friends and everyone else you know facing the same feelings of loss and disruption. Do you want any of these people to relapse to drug addiction when you die? If on your death bed would pass out cigarettes to your children who are ex-smokers, heroin to your siblings are a recovering addicts, bottles of booze to your parents who have been successfully off drinking for decades? Would you say to them, "Well I am going now, you may all want to consider taking this stuff, I understand how upset you must be."
that relapse was the biggest mistake you ever made in your life
Thanks for your posts....both of them.
Filled with wisdom.
Shalom!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Thank you for the thanks 
Seriously we are all in this together and we need to prop each other up no matter how hard the going gets smoking or using nicotine is not going to make anything better. It WILL make it worse. As long as we never take another puff we are free from this addiction which WILL kill us, it will. There is just no way around it. To smoke is to die. While it may not happen tomorrow it is just a matter of time and as we all know time moves pretty quick too quick (except when experiencing a crave, even thought it is only 3 minutes those 3 minutes seem like eternity! Which is why it is good to have a watch for reference! )
Anyways, I ran for 1 hour today with people from my work. That would have never ever happened 7 months ago! Now that I can breathe well it has allowed me to begin to exercise first starting with a daily walk, then slowly leading to a jog and then to a full fledged run. It is INCREDIBLE how exercise can make one feel! I HIGHLY recommend it to any recovery routine. No matter how much or how little you exercise what matters is to get the body moving!
Seriously we are all in this together and we need to prop each other up no matter how hard the going gets smoking or using nicotine is not going to make anything better. It WILL make it worse. As long as we never take another puff we are free from this addiction which WILL kill us, it will. There is just no way around it. To smoke is to die. While it may not happen tomorrow it is just a matter of time and as we all know time moves pretty quick too quick (except when experiencing a crave, even thought it is only 3 minutes those 3 minutes seem like eternity! Which is why it is good to have a watch for reference!
) Anyways, I ran for 1 hour today with people from my work. That would have never ever happened 7 months ago! Now that I can breathe well it has allowed me to begin to exercise first starting with a daily walk, then slowly leading to a jog and then to a full fledged run. It is INCREDIBLE how exercise can make one feel! I HIGHLY recommend it to any recovery routine. No matter how much or how little you exercise what matters is to get the body moving!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 293
We don't enjoy smoking..........it's an illusion to think we enjoy it. We only think we enjoy the cigarette because it is relieving withdrawal symptoms. As Allan Carr puts it.....it's like wearing a pair of shoes two sizes too small just to experience the relief when we take them off.
Think back to your first ever cig....it was disgusting.......well nothings changed, its still the same thing you're smoking as it was in day 1.
There is no excuse to relapse. None at all.
99% of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.(George Washington Carver)
My doctor asked me a short time ago if I was feeling suicidal because of the things I had been through and I am still experiencing some of them. But I know if I keep the right positive attitude that I have done up until now (23 days) I will not smoke. I have started smoking again in the past, when all in the garden was rosy, my excuse was I couldn't handle the withdrawals. Fact is, the withdrawals were only as bad as I allowed them to be.
I would have hated you for presenting me with these facts because I was so fearful.
When I could get honest with myself and face up to these facts everything changed.
Thanks for your posts Seek, it is the great thing about this forum....to come on here and read stuff like that which inspires you to do the right thing......and I agree with you......exercise can work wonders!
Think back to your first ever cig....it was disgusting.......well nothings changed, its still the same thing you're smoking as it was in day 1.
There is no excuse to relapse. None at all.
99% of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.(George Washington Carver)
My doctor asked me a short time ago if I was feeling suicidal because of the things I had been through and I am still experiencing some of them. But I know if I keep the right positive attitude that I have done up until now (23 days) I will not smoke. I have started smoking again in the past, when all in the garden was rosy, my excuse was I couldn't handle the withdrawals. Fact is, the withdrawals were only as bad as I allowed them to be.
I would have hated you for presenting me with these facts because I was so fearful.
When I could get honest with myself and face up to these facts everything changed.
Thanks for your posts Seek, it is the great thing about this forum....to come on here and read stuff like that which inspires you to do the right thing......and I agree with you......exercise can work wonders!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: US
Posts: 49
Thanks.
I began the patch 8 days ago. I was doing so well. Last night I kinda freaked out and today I have smoked. I feel so much shame. I know it is as "seek.." has said. I ran into a bump in the road, and then I wanted to run away from myself. Why we think a cigarette is going to liberate us from whatever emotional hell we are in...I HAVE NO IDEA! So, do I feel better now? No I don't.
Could I ask a vulnerable, kinda humilating question? Has anyone ever used cigarettes as a band aid for lonliness? I have done an amazing job ridding my life of harmful people, but it has not left me with much in the way of friends. I recently began attending ACOA and I love it. It is nice to be with like minded indivduals who also want to live a healthy life. In a weird way though I feel it is highlighting what I still don't have. I left a meeting yesterday, and by that night I think I just felt so alone. Ugh! I feel so pathetic admitting this.
Thanks for listening.
I began the patch 8 days ago. I was doing so well. Last night I kinda freaked out and today I have smoked. I feel so much shame. I know it is as "seek.." has said. I ran into a bump in the road, and then I wanted to run away from myself. Why we think a cigarette is going to liberate us from whatever emotional hell we are in...I HAVE NO IDEA! So, do I feel better now? No I don't.
Could I ask a vulnerable, kinda humilating question? Has anyone ever used cigarettes as a band aid for lonliness? I have done an amazing job ridding my life of harmful people, but it has not left me with much in the way of friends. I recently began attending ACOA and I love it. It is nice to be with like minded indivduals who also want to live a healthy life. In a weird way though I feel it is highlighting what I still don't have. I left a meeting yesterday, and by that night I think I just felt so alone. Ugh! I feel so pathetic admitting this.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Originally Posted by fluer 
Thanks.
I began the patch 8 days ago. I was doing so well. Last night I kinda freaked out and today I have smoked. I feel so much shame. I know it is as "seek.." has said. I ran into a bump in the road, and then I wanted to run away from myself. Why we think a cigarette is going to liberate us from whatever emotional hell we are in...I HAVE NO IDEA! So, do I feel better now? No I don't.
Could I ask a vulnerable, kinda humilating question? Has anyone ever used cigarettes as a band aid for lonliness? I have done an amazing job ridding my life of harmful people, but it has not left me with much in the way of friends. I recently began attending ACOA and I love it. It is nice to be with like minded indivduals who also want to live a healthy life. In a weird way though I feel it is highlighting what I still don't have. I left a meeting yesterday, and by that night I think I just felt so alone. Ugh! I feel so pathetic admitting this.
Thanks for listening.
I began the patch 8 days ago. I was doing so well. Last night I kinda freaked out and today I have smoked. I feel so much shame. I know it is as "seek.." has said. I ran into a bump in the road, and then I wanted to run away from myself. Why we think a cigarette is going to liberate us from whatever emotional hell we are in...I HAVE NO IDEA! So, do I feel better now? No I don't.
Could I ask a vulnerable, kinda humilating question? Has anyone ever used cigarettes as a band aid for lonliness? I have done an amazing job ridding my life of harmful people, but it has not left me with much in the way of friends. I recently began attending ACOA and I love it. It is nice to be with like minded indivduals who also want to live a healthy life. In a weird way though I feel it is highlighting what I still don't have. I left a meeting yesterday, and by that night I think I just felt so alone. Ugh! I feel so pathetic admitting this.
Thanks for listening.
I would search for a Nicotine Anonymous meeting in your area as well there are also on-line nicotine meetings as well and phone meetings. It is important. As for freinds, look for a hiking group through the sierra club or a local hobby group (depending on your hobbies you like) Volunteer your time helping others (nothing helps us more to get out of our own heads then by volunteering, (soup kitchen, Old age home, volunteering at a hospital) etc.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
