Guilty
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 331
Guilty
Hey everyone!
It has been about a month from my last time on SR. I am still sober but I am getting some text messages from my younger cousin (23 year old cousin) asking me about going to concerts, family picnics this summer etc... he does not know i am 3 months sober and is unaware of my soberity. I am turning 30 May 8th and what was going to be a big drinking bash is something of a memory. I don't feel like I need to talk with him but I feel guilty because with my drinking years ago and up to 3 months ago i was always the "big drinker" now i feel like i turned him into how i was years ago, I feel a bit ashamed for this and I know my aunt and uncle dislike me for my influence on him. I have made postive choices and know that people need to live life themselves but i know he always looked up to me and my old ways are old news but to him they are his way of life.
It has been about a month from my last time on SR. I am still sober but I am getting some text messages from my younger cousin (23 year old cousin) asking me about going to concerts, family picnics this summer etc... he does not know i am 3 months sober and is unaware of my soberity. I am turning 30 May 8th and what was going to be a big drinking bash is something of a memory. I don't feel like I need to talk with him but I feel guilty because with my drinking years ago and up to 3 months ago i was always the "big drinker" now i feel like i turned him into how i was years ago, I feel a bit ashamed for this and I know my aunt and uncle dislike me for my influence on him. I have made postive choices and know that people need to live life themselves but i know he always looked up to me and my old ways are old news but to him they are his way of life.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi BKP,
The example you set before can now lead him to the example you set today. If he looks up to you, you may be able to influence him in not going as far as you went. Congrats on three months, that's really something to be proud of. Let him know and maybe you can hang out together sober.
The example you set before can now lead him to the example you set today. If he looks up to you, you may be able to influence him in not going as far as you went. Congrats on three months, that's really something to be proud of. Let him know and maybe you can hang out together sober.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Don't beat yourself up over this. My ex doesn't worry about handing me the crack pipe after countless times of trying to get me to try it. Ultimately, it was MY decision to take it. Ultimately, it's on my head. You didn't hold a gun to your cousin's head and tell them to drink, no more than my ex did. I really think we can't place blame on others for our own mistakes and poor choices. Your cousin made his own choices and may or may not have a problem with alcohol. It will ultimately be up to him to determine that. You are no more responsible for anything he does than the aunt and uncle.
The sooner we realize, and put to practice, that we cannot control others, the better our lives will be. It sounds impossible, and sometimes it feels that way because we want that control, but we'd just be beating our heads on that proverbial brick wall when we try....
It doesn't mean, however, that since he looks up to you, that you can't still try to be an influence to him by showing him the positives of your life now that you are sober! Show him how much fun you can have without drugs. Congrats on your 3 months! That is something to truly be proud of. Why not start there? Tell your cousin you've quit!
The sooner we realize, and put to practice, that we cannot control others, the better our lives will be. It sounds impossible, and sometimes it feels that way because we want that control, but we'd just be beating our heads on that proverbial brick wall when we try....
It doesn't mean, however, that since he looks up to you, that you can't still try to be an influence to him by showing him the positives of your life now that you are sober! Show him how much fun you can have without drugs. Congrats on your 3 months! That is something to truly be proud of. Why not start there? Tell your cousin you've quit!
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I am left stratching my head wondering what you are feeling guilty for right now? Are you feeling guilty for now setting a good example for him? The past is gone and in this case your own sobriety is the amends to your cousin for your past. As someone already said, you did not make him drink a single drink no more then some one made you drink, that was his choice as well as yours!
Perhaps it is time to talk to them and let them know that you have taken positive turn and that you hope your sobriety will be a positive influence on hime now. Some how I doubt very seriously they will be upset at you any more, but instead will support you knowing that thier support of you will be supporting him as well.
In this case your maintained sobriety is the living amends for your past. You can not change the past, but you can and are making amends for it by just staying sober.
I know my aunt and uncle dislike me for my influence on him.
In this case your maintained sobriety is the living amends for your past. You can not change the past, but you can and are making amends for it by just staying sober.
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