Long Story...............
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Long Story...............
I really didn't want to get in to this, but I need to get it off my chest.
My husband has been gone for more than a week. He's in Michigan working. We have a big pond and one of his buddies called him and asked if they could come and fish this past Friday. He said o.k. This bothered me cause they party and I am here alone. Well, they have come by unannounced everyday since except Easter Sunday. While they're are here, they've been drinking beer and I know they smoke weed. One of them, I've done coke with in the past. Plus, they drive their truck through my yard to get close to the pond and that really pisses me off, cause, being here alone, I spend hours mowing my grass and try to keep my yard nice. Plus, when they come, they stay for hours and I can't let my dogs out cause if they see them they'll go nuts!
Well today, when I came home from tanning and grocery shopping...yep...they were here. My dad say's that he doesn't like it cause I'm alone and they shouldn't be just showing up when my husband's not here.
Well, I heard them start their truck and get ready to leave and the next thing I hear is someone banging on the door and the dogs goin' crazy. So I go on the porch and talk to him, (the other guy 'is in the truck...drunk) So this guy hugs me and tells me not to be alarmed when he show up in different cars and that he's on unemployment so he'll be by to fish alot! I could tell he was high. Well the drunk guy (in the truck) says "there's nothin' better than fishing", the other guy looked at me and said, "I can think of something better" and he pointed to his nose, so I know he had coke on him.
I turned and went into the house quick and I know if I hadn't, he was gonna offer me some.
I called my husband and he acted like "oh well". I know it's because they are friends of his.
I'm so stressed out. This is the first time in 201 days that I've been that close to that sh!t and it really rattled me.
It also bothers me about my husbands reaction.
I'm sorry for the long post, I just had to tell someone. It really scared me cause for that moment, I thought, if he offers it to me, what will I say?
Am I over reacting like my husband said? I'm a wreck!
penny
My husband has been gone for more than a week. He's in Michigan working. We have a big pond and one of his buddies called him and asked if they could come and fish this past Friday. He said o.k. This bothered me cause they party and I am here alone. Well, they have come by unannounced everyday since except Easter Sunday. While they're are here, they've been drinking beer and I know they smoke weed. One of them, I've done coke with in the past. Plus, they drive their truck through my yard to get close to the pond and that really pisses me off, cause, being here alone, I spend hours mowing my grass and try to keep my yard nice. Plus, when they come, they stay for hours and I can't let my dogs out cause if they see them they'll go nuts!
Well today, when I came home from tanning and grocery shopping...yep...they were here. My dad say's that he doesn't like it cause I'm alone and they shouldn't be just showing up when my husband's not here.
Well, I heard them start their truck and get ready to leave and the next thing I hear is someone banging on the door and the dogs goin' crazy. So I go on the porch and talk to him, (the other guy 'is in the truck...drunk) So this guy hugs me and tells me not to be alarmed when he show up in different cars and that he's on unemployment so he'll be by to fish alot! I could tell he was high. Well the drunk guy (in the truck) says "there's nothin' better than fishing", the other guy looked at me and said, "I can think of something better" and he pointed to his nose, so I know he had coke on him.
I turned and went into the house quick and I know if I hadn't, he was gonna offer me some.
I called my husband and he acted like "oh well". I know it's because they are friends of his.
I'm so stressed out. This is the first time in 201 days that I've been that close to that sh!t and it really rattled me.
It also bothers me about my husbands reaction.
I'm sorry for the long post, I just had to tell someone. It really scared me cause for that moment, I thought, if he offers it to me, what will I say?
Am I over reacting like my husband said? I'm a wreck!
penny
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Your not over reacting. Tell your husband that you don't want his friends coming to your house and getting high. That you can smell the weed, and see the drinking, and that the coke is very tempting for an addict. That your recovering, and you really don't need that. Also, they are drunk, and banging on the door, and making suggestions. You can also bring it to his attention that anything can happen on your property, and they can sue you. You can mention that you really don't like it, cause your home alone, and they are stoned and you don't really trust them, cause they are stoned. If he doesn't understand that then he is not supporting you in your recovery. Especially since he knows you have gotten high with one of them in the past. Maybe, you should go outside, and ask the guys very nicely, not to come back anymore. For whatever reason, Make up a story, that your having a cousin who is a narcotics officer over for the week. Or whatever. I don't want you to lie, but hey, you have to do what ever you have to do to keep your sobriety. If it were me, I would go out and tell them very nicely, please find another spot to go fishing in. Your alcohol and drugs are jeopardizing my sobriety, and that is life threatening. You decide. I feel for you, but don't cry. Drugs are going to be everywhere, and it's up to you to stay strong, and look the other way. However, you don't need it on your own doorstep. Explain nicely to your husband, and see what he says. I wish you luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
It is your house too, right? Tell them that they need to find a new place to fish. You don't have to give a reason why, it's your land/house/yard.
Your husband can deal with the aftermath when he gets home.
Your sobreity is more important than whether they get to fish or whether they get mad or not.
Oh, and I'm sorry if I gave advice if all you want to do is vent. I'm a little touchy today.
Your husband can deal with the aftermath when he gets home.
Your sobreity is more important than whether they get to fish or whether they get mad or not.
Oh, and I'm sorry if I gave advice if all you want to do is vent. I'm a little touchy today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
You are NOT overeacting.Your husband is obviously not in recovery.You need to tell him this is not good for your recovery.Besides who needs these a$$hole driving across your yard they have no respect for you or your property.If it was me next time they come I would say "Hey guys if you want to come fishing there are some rules" and tell them I work hard on this lawn and when you drive on it it pisses me off.Then I have 201 days of sobriety and you cant come here and do drugs its not good for my sobriety and its illegal.Now I am a type a personality so it is easy for me to do this if your not I get that then you need to have your husband or father do it for you.You work to hard for this to happen to you.This is a perfect set up for a relaps I see you here day after day fighting for your life.Dont let this happen to you your worth it Good luck
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Penny))
I don't think you're over-reacting at all. They're your husband's friends, and he's not even there.
Like Latte said, you don't have to give a reason, just tell them "no more fishing". If you feel like you HAVE to give an excuse, I would simply say "things have changed" and leave it at that.
As far as your husband, I hope he becomes more supportive. It's helped my recovery, to have the support of family, but I've also learned that some people just aren't that way, and if it comes down to it, I always have a backup plan.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I don't think you're over-reacting at all. They're your husband's friends, and he's not even there.
Like Latte said, you don't have to give a reason, just tell them "no more fishing". If you feel like you HAVE to give an excuse, I would simply say "things have changed" and leave it at that.
As far as your husband, I hope he becomes more supportive. It's helped my recovery, to have the support of family, but I've also learned that some people just aren't that way, and if it comes down to it, I always have a backup plan.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Thanks guys for your quick responses and great advice. I just spoke to my husband and told him that if he didn't handle it, as he should, they're his friends, that I'd ask my dad to do it.
I guess that just knowing that cocaine was within my reach, at my front door basically, I freaked out. I felt dirty....if that makes any sense?
....that's right! I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, and I still have 201 days!
Penny
I guess that just knowing that cocaine was within my reach, at my front door basically, I freaked out. I felt dirty....if that makes any sense?
....that's right! I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, and I still have 201 days!Penny
Addiction is a full time job
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Brooklyn New York
Posts: 63
Penny, Your definitely not overacting. Recovery is a very serious issue, and it's not a joke.
These guys are bums. They should be out working like real men. Maybe you should go outside and tell them nicely, I would appreciate it if you would not come every day. Tell them that you need to put your dogs out, and that they could get bitten. Or that one or two days was fine, but you cannot keep the dogs in everyday. They are wearing out their welcome. Also, tell your dad to come over. That will help you to avoid the urge to go out and get high with them. You really don't need to make excuses, but they obviously have no respect for your property. So tell them, that their truck is messing up your lawn, and that you cannot have drugs on your property. That it's illegal, and you cannot afford to risk your sobriety. Or you can try aksing your husband to call them, and tell them not to come back. That's what I would do. The problem is your husband is obviously clueless about early recovery, and how you don't need to have drugs and alcohol right on your own property. He needs to put you and your recovery before his buddies. I think if you tell him nicely, that he will understand. It's really his job to tell his friends to go get high somewhere else. Fishing is one thing, alcohol and coke is another. That's a deal breaker.
These guys are bums. They should be out working like real men. Maybe you should go outside and tell them nicely, I would appreciate it if you would not come every day. Tell them that you need to put your dogs out, and that they could get bitten. Or that one or two days was fine, but you cannot keep the dogs in everyday. They are wearing out their welcome. Also, tell your dad to come over. That will help you to avoid the urge to go out and get high with them. You really don't need to make excuses, but they obviously have no respect for your property. So tell them, that their truck is messing up your lawn, and that you cannot have drugs on your property. That it's illegal, and you cannot afford to risk your sobriety. Or you can try aksing your husband to call them, and tell them not to come back. That's what I would do. The problem is your husband is obviously clueless about early recovery, and how you don't need to have drugs and alcohol right on your own property. He needs to put you and your recovery before his buddies. I think if you tell him nicely, that he will understand. It's really his job to tell his friends to go get high somewhere else. Fishing is one thing, alcohol and coke is another. That's a deal breaker.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 8
Like others have said, you are not overreacting at all! I don't know who wouldn't be at least a little shaken up given this situation with your history. Without even getting into the drugs/alcohol, I would feel very uncomfortable with people coming and going as they please when I'm home alone. Knowing me, I would probably be upset about my dog not being able to freely go outside more than anything else. 
Are these guys aware of your recovery/history of abuse? If so, then wow, how incredibly inconsiderate and straight up lame. Definitely do what makes you most comfortable for handling the situation. If you feel okay laying down the law with these guys yourself that's awesome, but I totally agree with you leaving this to your husband (or your dad if that falls through). GREAT for you for staying so strong in such a difficult and perhaps triggering situation.
Are these guys aware of your recovery/history of abuse? If so, then wow, how incredibly inconsiderate and straight up lame. Definitely do what makes you most comfortable for handling the situation. If you feel okay laying down the law with these guys yourself that's awesome, but I totally agree with you leaving this to your husband (or your dad if that falls through). GREAT for you for staying so strong in such a difficult and perhaps triggering situation.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Don't let them on your land! Call the police if you have to, I would if they don't respect your request to leave. It doesn't sound healthy for you to have them around. Put up a boundary on this one and don't let them cross it!
Love,
KJ
Love,
KJ
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
I don't know what to say without going on a rant.....Men that place such a high priority on sports fishing usually aren't at the top of my USDA choice list I tell ya ! HEHE...SOunds like something from the redneck comdy show!! What a bunch of no class users! They need to find their own da@# place to fish and learn some respect for christ sake!!! SELFISHNESS >>SELFCENTEREDNESS....that is what they say right....tell them to kick rocks...
love north
on my way to the meeting..think I could USE one right now!!!!
Go ahead say'sumpin! eheheheheh..tell those boys your friend has really bad PMS and she is at yourhouse..that should be enough tro keep em away!
love north
on my way to the meeting..think I could USE one right now!!!!
Go ahead say'sumpin! eheheheheh..tell those boys your friend has really bad PMS and she is at yourhouse..that should be enough tro keep em away!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
What norty said! I agree completely. And there could be some serious legal problems for everyone if something happened on the property.
And your hubby might add that PMSing woman has a cast iron skillet in the kitchen too that might want to "fry more than chicken" sometime!
Love,
Lenina
And your hubby might add that PMSing woman has a cast iron skillet in the kitchen too that might want to "fry more than chicken" sometime!
Love,
Lenina
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,707
Penny, If I were you I'd tell the hubby to tell his buds to stay away from the house, period.
Guys coming over and knocking at the door when husband isn't home is very uncool, and they should know it and your husband should too.
And coming over all weeded out ,coked out and drunk?
yikes!
You should tell them not to come over until your husband is home.
Guys coming over and knocking at the door when husband isn't home is very uncool, and they should know it and your husband should too.
And coming over all weeded out ,coked out and drunk?
yikes!
You should tell them not to come over until your husband is home.
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
Dear Penny! How many emotions you must have been rushing through! I feel for you, I really do.
:codiepolice
Fishing in someone else's yard is not a necessity. Your sobriety is. Where there is one pond, there are usually others. They can go somewhere else. It won't kill them. As anyone with an ounce of understanding about recovery knows, your sobriety is your lifeline.
You have every right to do whatever is in your power to keep yourself away from people who are using, especially when it's happening on your property. You did the right thing by speaking to your husband about it. Sometimes even the best of guys, though, can be incredibly dense when it comes to their buddies. I have a feeling that your husband might not have thought this whole thing through when he extended the invitation. However, the facts are now the facts, and it sounds like these guys have decided to take advantage of the situation.
I really like that your dad is willing to step in. That was one of my first thoughts. Having him provide a cushion for you so that you don't have to confront these guys is probably safer for you on a number of levels. You should really feel lucky that you have such a supportive dad.
I also really liked Angelic's suggestions, including the guests excuse. I'm just throwing out a couple of brainstorms here, but you might also consider putting up a sign saying that the pond has been found to contain something toxic, LOL. Or you could put up a sign in your driveway with whatever rules you want to include. Just out of curiosity, are these guys dangerous, are they just thoughtless and stupid, or are they completely in the dark about your recovery (or recovery in general)? In any case, you have the right to get creative if you want these people gone.
Penny, you should feel really, really proud of yourself that you looked those guys in the eye, you knew what they were doing, and you didn’t cave in. Even though you might have felt upset or freaked out, you stood tall, and you did the right thing. Let those facts only strengthen you! You should feel SO proud of yourself!! Congratulations on 202 days of serious successes!!
nerdly
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: twin cities
Posts: 58
I also hope when your husband gets home that you have a sit down with him and let him know exactly how this situation made you feel.
After some months of being clean and sober i'm finally able to express my feelings to my wife and its made a world of difference in our relationship. I wish you the best!
After some months of being clean and sober i'm finally able to express my feelings to my wife and its made a world of difference in our relationship. I wish you the best!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Thanks guys!
My dad is a recovering alcoholic, he just picked up his four year chip 'bout a month ago. When my mom passed last May, he proved to me just how strong he really was in his sobriety. I on the other hand, spiraled out of control and further into my self destruction with drugs. I'm very proud of him.
My dad is LIVID about this situation. He was already mad that my husband gave them the o.k. to come here whiles he's out of town, but the fact that they're are driving through my yard, and drinking and 'partying' down here..........All I can say is they better hope they don't show up while my dad's here!
I will tell you this...getting through that situation yesterday; turning my back on that guy, and going into the house before he got the chance to offer me 'some'...well, yeah, it rattled me, but I feel a lot stronger today. Everytime I resist the urge to use, it makes me stronger!
I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Ya'll really helped me. I'm so grateful that I have this place to come to.:ghug
Penny
My dad is a recovering alcoholic, he just picked up his four year chip 'bout a month ago. When my mom passed last May, he proved to me just how strong he really was in his sobriety. I on the other hand, spiraled out of control and further into my self destruction with drugs. I'm very proud of him.
My dad is LIVID about this situation. He was already mad that my husband gave them the o.k. to come here whiles he's out of town, but the fact that they're are driving through my yard, and drinking and 'partying' down here..........All I can say is they better hope they don't show up while my dad's here!
I will tell you this...getting through that situation yesterday; turning my back on that guy, and going into the house before he got the chance to offer me 'some'...well, yeah, it rattled me, but I feel a lot stronger today. Everytime I resist the urge to use, it makes me stronger!
I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Ya'll really helped me. I'm so grateful that I have this place to come to.:ghug
Penny
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
That's right - each time you walk away, your back ought to get a little straighter and your head a little higher! Great job on the 202 days! Don't let some dumb ole country rednecks spoil it for you. BOUNDARIES!! 
Friend
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: East Coast, Killa
Posts: 372
I'm w/North and kJ - who cares if these are your husband's friends - this is your sobriety here, it's not like your kicking your hubs out! I would of kicked them out way before the almost white stuff offer - as soon as they showed up without me specifically inviting them. I'd say 'hey you, get off my property or your going to jail.' period. I know I sound like a cold hard biznatch but come ooooon,that story was infuriating! This is your place, their friend who ok'ed them inviting themselves over fishing --- A WEEK AGO --- is out of town --- what nerve they have!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
You know what..?...You guys have proven to me the difference in the way people that use drugs/alcohol think, as oppose to those who are not.
Every single post concerning this matter are in unity...down to the fact that even if there were no drugs involved, these guys were disrespectful and were wearing their welcome out by show up and driving thru my yard in their truck, while my husband is out of town.
I see now that even though my husband smokes weed occasionally, his judgment is still impaired by inviting them to come by while he's not here in the first place. The more I think about it, the more I'm pissed @ him and so is my dad. I mean,
Every single post concerning this matter are in unity...down to the fact that even if there were no drugs involved, these guys were disrespectful and were wearing their welcome out by show up and driving thru my yard in their truck, while my husband is out of town.
I see now that even though my husband smokes weed occasionally, his judgment is still impaired by inviting them to come by while he's not here in the first place. The more I think about it, the more I'm pissed @ him and so is my dad. I mean,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Hey Penny, Did I mention that I am very impressed with your strength at staying clean for 203 days? That is awesome. Just one thing is troubling me. What your husband did by inviting those guys was totally innocent, and I don't think he realized the jeopardy he was putting you in at the time. He probably didn't think they would come every day, and I'm sure he didn't think they were going to knock on your door, and probably ask you to party with them. So, when he comes home, and you talk to him about all of this, DONT FIGHT. Those two stooges took enough of your time, and energy this week, with their negativity. Do not give them the chance to come between you and your husband. You can handle this without anger, and make your husband realize that your not selfish, but trying to keep yourself from relapse. Also that you don't need drugs and alcohol on your property. Nothing good ever comes out of either. These 2 guys have no business coming in between you and your husbands marriage. They are not worth bad feelings in your relationship. And that can very easily happen, cause your husband is not in recovery, and doesn't see it as a big deal. He doesn't really understand. It's up to you to explain it to him, the right way, without insighting an argument. Calmly. I just don't want you to let these 2 knuckleheads come between you and your man. Diplomacy works most of the time. And you, are 100% in the right. Your husband will never do this again, and he will learn alot about your recovery. He will probably learn a few things about his so called friends too. Just don't fight over this. It's just not worth it. Peace.
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