Come Out, Come Out Where Ever I Am
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Come Out, Come Out Where Ever I Am
I have mentioned before that I have been on this board for a long time. I joined in December 2006.
My behavior on SR pretty much mirrors how I behave in my face to face world. Let me explain a bit more.
I isolate. There probably have been only a handful of days that I haven't logged on to SR. Sometimes when I'm doing really well, I find myself opening up, posting, and beginning to make connections. Then I get scared retreat, usually relapse and fall into that terrible hole of fear, loathing and pain.
Same goes for meetings. I'll go and feel wonderful for awhile. I start to reach out, get to know people and then BAM, I'm overwhelmed and don't know how to move forward.
I want this time to be different. I have about two and a half weeks sober. I usually count the hours, but this time I am not.
I feel better, I look better and I want to get beyond that place of being in really early sobriety. Yes, I know...keep it simple right now. Don't drink, go to meetings and pray.
The last couple of days I have felt like I was a worthwhile person. It felt good. I have been positive. The cravings have been there, but I have been able to take myself to the end of a drinking episode and really realize what would happen if I picked up a drink.
I think that what I am asking for is support. I need to put myself out there, so to speak. Here on SR and also in AA meetings.
This is my first attempt to do so. I welcome any suggestions, thoughts, good energy to help me on my way.
Thanks for reading my post.
My behavior on SR pretty much mirrors how I behave in my face to face world. Let me explain a bit more.
I isolate. There probably have been only a handful of days that I haven't logged on to SR. Sometimes when I'm doing really well, I find myself opening up, posting, and beginning to make connections. Then I get scared retreat, usually relapse and fall into that terrible hole of fear, loathing and pain.
Same goes for meetings. I'll go and feel wonderful for awhile. I start to reach out, get to know people and then BAM, I'm overwhelmed and don't know how to move forward.
I want this time to be different. I have about two and a half weeks sober. I usually count the hours, but this time I am not.
I feel better, I look better and I want to get beyond that place of being in really early sobriety. Yes, I know...keep it simple right now. Don't drink, go to meetings and pray.
The last couple of days I have felt like I was a worthwhile person. It felt good. I have been positive. The cravings have been there, but I have been able to take myself to the end of a drinking episode and really realize what would happen if I picked up a drink.
I think that what I am asking for is support. I need to put myself out there, so to speak. Here on SR and also in AA meetings.
This is my first attempt to do so. I welcome any suggestions, thoughts, good energy to help me on my way.
Thanks for reading my post.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Always glad to see you here ...
I strongly suggest you begin the Steps in AA
because that is when I felt solid in my recovery.
To find a sponsor...please look in your meetings
for the AA guideline pamphlet
"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"
After you read that...ask in meetings for assistance.
Forward we go....side by side....
I strongly suggest you begin the Steps in AA
because that is when I felt solid in my recovery.
To find a sponsor...please look in your meetings
for the AA guideline pamphlet
"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"
After you read that...ask in meetings for assistance.
Forward we go....side by side....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
I'ts nice that you are here,two and a half weeks is good news,but you
sound a little down. I'm sure this SR bunch will offer much support because
we all are feeling similar emotions,yet at the same time great success
stories can be found here. Soooooooooooo,best wishes and
sound a little down. I'm sure this SR bunch will offer much support because
we all are feeling similar emotions,yet at the same time great success
stories can be found here. Soooooooooooo,best wishes and
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey welcome back.
Us human beings are a funny lot, huh? We ask for help, then get it, then we start to feel real good, kinda mushy inside, then, wham, we go nuts and screw our lives up. You're not alone. One of the things I think us drunks like is the excitement of the unknown, the feel of danger, the thrill of adventure, we're just junkies for any thrill in life we can find. How about a new approach, one I'm trying that seems to help. How about trying to make your life as great as it can be? How about thinking in terms of "What can i do today to make it a better world, just my little part of it?" In essence, we seek challenge, good or bad, we need to fulfill our thirst for excitement. I'm trying, like you, to find ways to make my life work better, so this is what I've come up with so far. Hopefully others will give us more suggestions.
Us human beings are a funny lot, huh? We ask for help, then get it, then we start to feel real good, kinda mushy inside, then, wham, we go nuts and screw our lives up. You're not alone. One of the things I think us drunks like is the excitement of the unknown, the feel of danger, the thrill of adventure, we're just junkies for any thrill in life we can find. How about a new approach, one I'm trying that seems to help. How about trying to make your life as great as it can be? How about thinking in terms of "What can i do today to make it a better world, just my little part of it?" In essence, we seek challenge, good or bad, we need to fulfill our thirst for excitement. I'm trying, like you, to find ways to make my life work better, so this is what I've come up with so far. Hopefully others will give us more suggestions.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Hi,
I recently posted a thread on isolating because I have the same problem. If you are at 2 1/2 weeks right now this is a very vulnerable time. I wish I had a solution that would fix the problem but I have learned that I must force myself to get out or I will just not make it period. So in spite of my discomfort I go to lots of meetings and try to be friendly and help other people that look like they need it more than I do. I remember when I walked into AA for the first time and someone with 2 weeks came over and talked to me and how much it meant to me at the time.
This forum is great but I did not find it until I had well over a year sober. It is a wonderful help for me but I do not think it can ever substitute for face to face talking with other people that is mandatory for me to feel normal.
In spite of my discomfort at being out and feeling out of place I am discovering that it is my perception of me that is the issue and not what others think of me that is the problem.
So please get out, attend meetings and talk to others. You are worth it and others can benefit from you being there!
I recently posted a thread on isolating because I have the same problem. If you are at 2 1/2 weeks right now this is a very vulnerable time. I wish I had a solution that would fix the problem but I have learned that I must force myself to get out or I will just not make it period. So in spite of my discomfort I go to lots of meetings and try to be friendly and help other people that look like they need it more than I do. I remember when I walked into AA for the first time and someone with 2 weeks came over and talked to me and how much it meant to me at the time.
This forum is great but I did not find it until I had well over a year sober. It is a wonderful help for me but I do not think it can ever substitute for face to face talking with other people that is mandatory for me to feel normal.
In spite of my discomfort at being out and feeling out of place I am discovering that it is my perception of me that is the issue and not what others think of me that is the problem.
So please get out, attend meetings and talk to others. You are worth it and others can benefit from you being there!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome back mtnmagic, Take and combine Carols & dimes post and you have what I would suggest.
I have heard the old timers in the rooms talk about how the lower the drunks bottom the quicker they need to take the steps to stand a chance to gain solid sobriety.
I know I really struggled early in sobriety, I followed every suggestion my sponsor gave me except taking the steps, at 2 months I came within a phone call of relapsiing. I was at a meeting and a guy asked "When should some one do their 4th step?" An old timer answered him very simply "When you are ready for the pain to stop is when it is time to take the 4th step quickly followed by the 5th step."
This old drunk was hurting like hell and ready to drink when I heard that, I quickly got a different sponsor and he took me through the steps........ the pain stopped and the obsession to drink was lifted as I took the steps......... today I practice those principles in all of my affairs, as a result I am a free man, I am free of my alcoholism on a daily basis contingent upon me maintaining my spiritual condition.
My life today is free from the bondage of my alcoholism, I am comfortable in my own skin, my life is not perfect, things happen, but I am able to deal with issues today and not view a drink as a solution to my issues, my HP, the steps, & the fellowship are now my solution for life. Heck on occasion I experience peace and serenity, there was a day when I had no idea what real peace and serenity felt like, I do now.
I have heard the old timers in the rooms talk about how the lower the drunks bottom the quicker they need to take the steps to stand a chance to gain solid sobriety.
I know I really struggled early in sobriety, I followed every suggestion my sponsor gave me except taking the steps, at 2 months I came within a phone call of relapsiing. I was at a meeting and a guy asked "When should some one do their 4th step?" An old timer answered him very simply "When you are ready for the pain to stop is when it is time to take the 4th step quickly followed by the 5th step."
This old drunk was hurting like hell and ready to drink when I heard that, I quickly got a different sponsor and he took me through the steps........ the pain stopped and the obsession to drink was lifted as I took the steps......... today I practice those principles in all of my affairs, as a result I am a free man, I am free of my alcoholism on a daily basis contingent upon me maintaining my spiritual condition.
My life today is free from the bondage of my alcoholism, I am comfortable in my own skin, my life is not perfect, things happen, but I am able to deal with issues today and not view a drink as a solution to my issues, my HP, the steps, & the fellowship are now my solution for life. Heck on occasion I experience peace and serenity, there was a day when I had no idea what real peace and serenity felt like, I do now.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I have no advice or suggestions for you, only empathy. I too isolate (too much) and often feel depressed and confused and helpless. The only thing I can beg you to do is to hang in there. It may not feel like it, but it will pass. I'm glad you're 'playing the tape to the end' and realizing that drinking will put you in a very bad place and just make you feel worse. I'm sorry you're hurting and wish I could take your pain away. I love you, if that helps any, and wish I could be of real help. All I can do is offer a hug.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Thanks for all of your replies.
I slept well last night. That's two nights in a row!
Yup I ask for help get it, then push it away just like you mentioned, firestorm.
I'm definitely going to have to work on that one.
Becoming more social before and after the meetings are important things that I must start doing for myself.
Taz - We joined this forum close to the same time. I've followed your progress over the last couple years. It has amazed me. Usually, I tell myself I couldn't possibly achieve sobriety and serenity as you have. Now I'm going to start telling myself, if Taz can do it, so can I.
least - I always identify so much with you on this forum. Your kind words mean the world to me.
Hey Dime - that makes sooo much sense. My perception of myself is important. I need to keep a positive slant to it. No more beating myself up.
Also, when I force myself to go out and do things, even if it feels awful, I'm usually glad after I have done it.
Thanks again all. Well since I overslept, I'm gonna have to scramble and get ready for work real quick like. Have a great day everyone.
I slept well last night. That's two nights in a row!
Yup I ask for help get it, then push it away just like you mentioned, firestorm.
I'm definitely going to have to work on that one.
Becoming more social before and after the meetings are important things that I must start doing for myself.
Taz - We joined this forum close to the same time. I've followed your progress over the last couple years. It has amazed me. Usually, I tell myself I couldn't possibly achieve sobriety and serenity as you have. Now I'm going to start telling myself, if Taz can do it, so can I.
least - I always identify so much with you on this forum. Your kind words mean the world to me.
Hey Dime - that makes sooo much sense. My perception of myself is important. I need to keep a positive slant to it. No more beating myself up.
Also, when I force myself to go out and do things, even if it feels awful, I'm usually glad after I have done it.
Thanks again all. Well since I overslept, I'm gonna have to scramble and get ready for work real quick like. Have a great day everyone.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Hi,
It's good to see you posting and recognizing a pattern that is causing you problems.
Believe that you deserve a good life and believe that you can achieve it. It's normal to have good days and bad days and to not feel like posting or reaching out sometimes. But, it's so good that you recognize that giving in to isolating, doesn't work.
It's good to see you posting and recognizing a pattern that is causing you problems.
Believe that you deserve a good life and believe that you can achieve it. It's normal to have good days and bad days and to not feel like posting or reaching out sometimes. But, it's so good that you recognize that giving in to isolating, doesn't work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Well, I'm back from work and made it through one more day. I find that I am slowly becoming more relaxed with my coworkers. Rather then dreading the changes I know that I really need to make in order to stay sober, I find I'm a little bit more open to making them. That is an accomplishment for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I hope what I'm going to write will help you because it's helped me in my staying sober. For one, step outside the "normal" and do something different.
When you start to feel yourself slipping into that mental rut, have a talk with yourself. Cheerlead yourself to get through it. I always meditate on what's going on with me and tell myself "if you can get through this, you're going to look back and you're going to win and succeed." I've been sober about 1 1/2 year now and I have had some HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, EARTH SHATTERING DAYS and I am my biggest cheerleader. I just keep positively motivating myself and keep telling me "you can do this Caitlin, you can do this, you're a strong girl, you've been through so much in your life, this is a piece of cake." I do it, I look back and I'm relieved that I fought my way through because no matter what, it gets better.
You can do this!!!!
When you start to feel yourself slipping into that mental rut, have a talk with yourself. Cheerlead yourself to get through it. I always meditate on what's going on with me and tell myself "if you can get through this, you're going to look back and you're going to win and succeed." I've been sober about 1 1/2 year now and I have had some HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, EARTH SHATTERING DAYS and I am my biggest cheerleader. I just keep positively motivating myself and keep telling me "you can do this Caitlin, you can do this, you're a strong girl, you've been through so much in your life, this is a piece of cake." I do it, I look back and I'm relieved that I fought my way through because no matter what, it gets better.
You can do this!!!!
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