Hello All!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1
Hello All!
Hi everyone, new member here. I'm actually hoping someone can help me out with a concern of mine.
My younger brother recently got a DUI and was ordered by the court to attend a DUI program which involves group, lecture and interviews which he attends all the time. Along with that, he has also been ordered to attend self help AA meetings on his own time. He does not drink very often (maybe a couple times a year for celebrations) but this time he got caught behind the wheel. I am beyond grateful he didn't hurt himself or anyone else and I honestly feel he has learned his lesson and won't be behind the wheel under the influence of alcohol again in the future. With that said, he does not feel that he has a problem with alcohol and I do agree with him. He made a very big mistake back then. We are all human after all.
My main concern is because he doesn't feel that he has a problem with alcohol and therefore has his friends sign his A.A. attendance card. According to him, he knows many people that have done this and or still do it. I do not want him to get in trouble and suggested he still goto his self help meetings. Ultimately, I cannot force him to do anything he doesn't want and can only offer advice. Needless to say, he is convinced that having his friends sign his card isn't an issue.
Can anyone shed some light on this issue? Do really that many people just sign their own cards or have others do it? What are chances he gets caught and gets himself into more trouble doing this? Any information/advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
My younger brother recently got a DUI and was ordered by the court to attend a DUI program which involves group, lecture and interviews which he attends all the time. Along with that, he has also been ordered to attend self help AA meetings on his own time. He does not drink very often (maybe a couple times a year for celebrations) but this time he got caught behind the wheel. I am beyond grateful he didn't hurt himself or anyone else and I honestly feel he has learned his lesson and won't be behind the wheel under the influence of alcohol again in the future. With that said, he does not feel that he has a problem with alcohol and I do agree with him. He made a very big mistake back then. We are all human after all.
My main concern is because he doesn't feel that he has a problem with alcohol and therefore has his friends sign his A.A. attendance card. According to him, he knows many people that have done this and or still do it. I do not want him to get in trouble and suggested he still goto his self help meetings. Ultimately, I cannot force him to do anything he doesn't want and can only offer advice. Needless to say, he is convinced that having his friends sign his card isn't an issue.
Can anyone shed some light on this issue? Do really that many people just sign their own cards or have others do it? What are chances he gets caught and gets himself into more trouble doing this? Any information/advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
haven't a clue what happens in an AA meeting tbh, or the chances of him getting caught etc.
but as to whether he has a problem with alcohol, he clearly DID have one in that he got in a car whilst drunk and drove it. Which is VERY dangerous behaviour, as you have said.
He got caught, and part of his punishment is going to AA meetings... not for the rest of his life and not all day every day, so better than prison.
I think if all I had to do was attend some meetings once a week for 6 months, I'd do it, because that was part of me demonstrating that I really had learned my lesson....
anyhoo, that's not what you asked.
Can I suggest that you try and stop thinking about it? you didn't get in a car whilst drunk and drive it, and you aren't the one skipping out on your punishment, so I'd let the stupid sod lie in his own bed. If he gets caught not meeting the terms of his trial, he gets caught, and he can deal with the consequences. You can't control his behaviour and I imagine you have loads more important things going on in your life to focus on, right?
but as to whether he has a problem with alcohol, he clearly DID have one in that he got in a car whilst drunk and drove it. Which is VERY dangerous behaviour, as you have said.
He got caught, and part of his punishment is going to AA meetings... not for the rest of his life and not all day every day, so better than prison.
I think if all I had to do was attend some meetings once a week for 6 months, I'd do it, because that was part of me demonstrating that I really had learned my lesson....
anyhoo, that's not what you asked.
Can I suggest that you try and stop thinking about it? you didn't get in a car whilst drunk and drive it, and you aren't the one skipping out on your punishment, so I'd let the stupid sod lie in his own bed. If he gets caught not meeting the terms of his trial, he gets caught, and he can deal with the consequences. You can't control his behaviour and I imagine you have loads more important things going on in your life to focus on, right?
Last edited by JenT1968; 04-06-2009 at 03:38 AM. Reason: spelling, always the spelling
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi turnright,
Sometimes, we just have to let the people we love make their own mistakes. Your brother is an adult, and although I agree that what he's doing is really wrong, and he may get in trouble, that's sometimes the only way certain people learn their lesson. For example, if he hadn't gotten the DUI, would he have learned his lesson? Or would he have continued his drinking patterns, maybe letting them get worse because there are no repercussions?
I can tell you love your brother but you can't control his choices. All you can do is express your opinion, make sure he knows that if there are any repercussions you will NOT be bailing him out in any way, and try your best to focus on your own life.....which really is the only life you can control.
Hugs to you - I know this is hard advice to follow, but you really don't have much of a choice unless you want to drive yourself insane trying to control what you can't control.
Good luck to both of you!
Sometimes, we just have to let the people we love make their own mistakes. Your brother is an adult, and although I agree that what he's doing is really wrong, and he may get in trouble, that's sometimes the only way certain people learn their lesson. For example, if he hadn't gotten the DUI, would he have learned his lesson? Or would he have continued his drinking patterns, maybe letting them get worse because there are no repercussions?
I can tell you love your brother but you can't control his choices. All you can do is express your opinion, make sure he knows that if there are any repercussions you will NOT be bailing him out in any way, and try your best to focus on your own life.....which really is the only life you can control.
Hugs to you - I know this is hard advice to follow, but you really don't have much of a choice unless you want to drive yourself insane trying to control what you can't control.
Good luck to both of you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
If he feels having his friends sign the card isn't an issue, then it isn't an issue for him, right?
He's an adult. Allow him to make his choices, right or wrong though they may be.
I have a 31 year old AD. She makes a lot of poor choices in her life. That has no bearing on how I live my life.
I don't worry about the choices she makes, nor do I try to talk to her about the choices she makes. That's not my job. She's an adult.
He's an adult. Allow him to make his choices, right or wrong though they may be.
I have a 31 year old AD. She makes a lot of poor choices in her life. That has no bearing on how I live my life.
I don't worry about the choices she makes, nor do I try to talk to her about the choices she makes. That's not my job. She's an adult.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
My main concern is because he doesn't feel that he has a problem with alcohol and therefore has his friends sign his A.A. attendance card. According to him, he knows many people that have done this and or still do it. I do not want him to get in trouble and suggested he still goto his self help meetings. Ultimately, I cannot force him to do anything he doesn't want and can only offer advice. Needless to say, he is convinced that having his friends sign his card isn't an issue.
What he is doing is definitely wrong, but again HIS PROBLEM, HIS CONSEQUENCES.
I can tell you love your brother but you can't control his choices. All you can do is express your opinion, make sure he knows that if there are any repercussions you will NOT be bailing him out in any way, and try your best to focus on your own life.....which really is the only life you can control.
Love and hugs,
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