Reaching out for a prayer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1
Reaching out for a prayer
Hello all. I am so glad to have found this forum. I have been a lurker for a couple months now and finally hit my breaking point today. I need to reach out because I do not know what else to do.
My husband of nearly 7 years is addicted to Vicodin. It started out innocent. He had surgery and was prescribed them for pain. That was almost 3 years ago. When his surgeon stopped giving him pills, he went to his primary care doctor and started getting them. I started noticing small things about a year ago. Smaller amounts of money were unaccounted for but he always had an excuse ready for me. I knew he had a problem but I had no idea just how bad it was because he would never talk to me about it.
Things have gotten progressively worse over the past 6 or 8 months. Back in December he finally admitted to me that he was buying pills. He has a co-worker who "knows" people that sell them for cash. As far as I can tell, he is taking about 10 Vics a day just to feel normal. He always keeps them hidden for fear that I will take them and flush them away.
This past weekend, after taking most of his paycheck for pills, we had a long talk and he admitted that he is out of control and needs help. I found a faith based substance abuse counseling center near our home and he called them. No one was there so he had to leave a message for them to call him back. The counselor called on Monday and I gave him my husband's number so he could talk to him. My husband took the rest of the day off and went to see this counselor.
He has tried gradually deceasing his dose, having me ration them out to him but it hasn't worked. He gets desperate and buys extras. He says that he can't handle the withdrawal symptoms especially when he's at work. He says that he is waiting for this weekend to stop taking them so he can have his first 2 days of withdrawal at home. His promises mean nothing to me anymore but I really feel he wants to get better. His breakdown was heartbreaking for me. In 9 years this is only the second time I have seen him cry. He has another counseling session on Friday this week.
I know that he wants to be free from this addiction. He just can't seem to control himself though. It has gotten to the point of him taking small things from our home and pawning them off for drug money. When I realized that this morning, I took anything of value out of our house and put it away in a safe place. He is not going to be happy when he gets home.
I have read through many posts and found some great advice on this forum. I finally broke down today and told my mom and sister what has been going on in my life. It felt good to finally let go of all of the emotions and stress. My sister lived with a drug addict for many years so she gave me some great advice. We all know that my husband is a great guy who has made some bad decisions.
I have been living in denial for a long time. I have let his addiction control my life for too long. I have to protect myself and my children. Today I decided to stop enabling him. If he leaves because he is mad then so be it. I just have to remember that I am doing this to protect my family from the devastation of his addiction. It is time I put myself and my children first. My kids have not had any quality time with me for a long time because his addiction was consuming my every thought. I am so thankful that I reached out to my sister today. She gave me some encouraging words and reminded me that this is not my fault. That there is nothing I can do to cure him. I need to just cut the strings and let him fall.
I still have hope for him. Hope that this counselor can help him break free from his addiction. I know this did not happen overnight so it will take a long while for him to recover.
Please say a prayer for my family.
My husband of nearly 7 years is addicted to Vicodin. It started out innocent. He had surgery and was prescribed them for pain. That was almost 3 years ago. When his surgeon stopped giving him pills, he went to his primary care doctor and started getting them. I started noticing small things about a year ago. Smaller amounts of money were unaccounted for but he always had an excuse ready for me. I knew he had a problem but I had no idea just how bad it was because he would never talk to me about it.
Things have gotten progressively worse over the past 6 or 8 months. Back in December he finally admitted to me that he was buying pills. He has a co-worker who "knows" people that sell them for cash. As far as I can tell, he is taking about 10 Vics a day just to feel normal. He always keeps them hidden for fear that I will take them and flush them away.
This past weekend, after taking most of his paycheck for pills, we had a long talk and he admitted that he is out of control and needs help. I found a faith based substance abuse counseling center near our home and he called them. No one was there so he had to leave a message for them to call him back. The counselor called on Monday and I gave him my husband's number so he could talk to him. My husband took the rest of the day off and went to see this counselor.
He has tried gradually deceasing his dose, having me ration them out to him but it hasn't worked. He gets desperate and buys extras. He says that he can't handle the withdrawal symptoms especially when he's at work. He says that he is waiting for this weekend to stop taking them so he can have his first 2 days of withdrawal at home. His promises mean nothing to me anymore but I really feel he wants to get better. His breakdown was heartbreaking for me. In 9 years this is only the second time I have seen him cry. He has another counseling session on Friday this week.
I know that he wants to be free from this addiction. He just can't seem to control himself though. It has gotten to the point of him taking small things from our home and pawning them off for drug money. When I realized that this morning, I took anything of value out of our house and put it away in a safe place. He is not going to be happy when he gets home.
I have read through many posts and found some great advice on this forum. I finally broke down today and told my mom and sister what has been going on in my life. It felt good to finally let go of all of the emotions and stress. My sister lived with a drug addict for many years so she gave me some great advice. We all know that my husband is a great guy who has made some bad decisions.
I have been living in denial for a long time. I have let his addiction control my life for too long. I have to protect myself and my children. Today I decided to stop enabling him. If he leaves because he is mad then so be it. I just have to remember that I am doing this to protect my family from the devastation of his addiction. It is time I put myself and my children first. My kids have not had any quality time with me for a long time because his addiction was consuming my every thought. I am so thankful that I reached out to my sister today. She gave me some encouraging words and reminded me that this is not my fault. That there is nothing I can do to cure him. I need to just cut the strings and let him fall.
I still have hope for him. Hope that this counselor can help him break free from his addiction. I know this did not happen overnight so it will take a long while for him to recover.
Please say a prayer for my family.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I will definitely keep all of you in my prayers. I'd also suggest checking to see if either Naranon or Alanon is available in your area as a source of support for you. There you will find other loved ones who can offer you face to face support.
It sounds like your sister will be a great source of support too. Just remember the three C's. You didn't cause his addiction, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
:ghug :ghug :ghug
It sounds like your sister will be a great source of support too. Just remember the three C's. You didn't cause his addiction, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
:ghug :ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Niobie)))
Welcome to SR!
I, too, will keep all of you in my prayers. I'm glad you have the support of your sister, who has been through this, but I agree with ((Freedom))..al anon or nar anon may also help you a lot with some f2f support.
It sounds likeyou have a good plan. I hope you continue to read and post here. There are some wonderful people here, who know what you're going through. I'm a recovering addict but my stepmom is addicted to lortabs, so I know both sides of addiction and neither is pretty.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Welcome to SR!
I, too, will keep all of you in my prayers. I'm glad you have the support of your sister, who has been through this, but I agree with ((Freedom))..al anon or nar anon may also help you a lot with some f2f support.
It sounds likeyou have a good plan. I hope you continue to read and post here. There are some wonderful people here, who know what you're going through. I'm a recovering addict but my stepmom is addicted to lortabs, so I know both sides of addiction and neither is pretty.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Hugs, prayers and welcome!
Reaching out to your Mom and sister was a great first step. Putting the focus back on you and the kids, off your AH - you are definitely on your way.
It's never easy. My XAH was addicted to pain-killers (still is I'm sure) - it takes committment, there is no easy out.
I work with someone who is 20 years clean and an active member of NA for 20 years. He has no patience for what he calls the whiners - that the withdrawals are too difficult to take. He says it's like the worst case of flu you've ever had, but you get thru it. I don't know obviously, but I do know one way or another, if they want to have a life they figure out how to do it, but only they can do it.
Keep posting and reading! I agree with the above, that face-to-face meetings would be a great resource as well.
Reaching out to your Mom and sister was a great first step. Putting the focus back on you and the kids, off your AH - you are definitely on your way.
It's never easy. My XAH was addicted to pain-killers (still is I'm sure) - it takes committment, there is no easy out.
I work with someone who is 20 years clean and an active member of NA for 20 years. He has no patience for what he calls the whiners - that the withdrawals are too difficult to take. He says it's like the worst case of flu you've ever had, but you get thru it. I don't know obviously, but I do know one way or another, if they want to have a life they figure out how to do it, but only they can do it.
Keep posting and reading! I agree with the above, that face-to-face meetings would be a great resource as well.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Niobe,
Welcome to SR. I am so sorry you are going through all the pain, but there is hope for you and your husband.
I think you are right in acknowledging your years of denial. I understand that as I too was in huge denial, just not wanting to face what I knew, in my gut, was true. My life is much better now that I'm in recovery myself (I go to Al Anon meetings faithfully), and I'm learning to make healthy choices for me.
I have learned that I am not responsible for my AD's addiction and that only she can make choices about what she will do with her life. The same is true for your husband. I just know in my situation things only began to get better when my AD got into a 12 program and so did I. I learned to get out of the way and "let go and let God". It was the hardest and best thing I've ever done.
I learned enabling I was doing had to stop. I had to let my AD suffer the consequences of her choices while I had to make choices to go on and live my life. Oh, I know that is so easy to type and much harder to do, but it can be done. Only way I was able to do it was through the help of my Higher Power, my Al Anon group and this board.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers, and hope you will reach out for some face to face support as well as stick around this board.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Welcome to SR. I am so sorry you are going through all the pain, but there is hope for you and your husband.
I think you are right in acknowledging your years of denial. I understand that as I too was in huge denial, just not wanting to face what I knew, in my gut, was true. My life is much better now that I'm in recovery myself (I go to Al Anon meetings faithfully), and I'm learning to make healthy choices for me.
I have learned that I am not responsible for my AD's addiction and that only she can make choices about what she will do with her life. The same is true for your husband. I just know in my situation things only began to get better when my AD got into a 12 program and so did I. I learned to get out of the way and "let go and let God". It was the hardest and best thing I've ever done.
I learned enabling I was doing had to stop. I had to let my AD suffer the consequences of her choices while I had to make choices to go on and live my life. Oh, I know that is so easy to type and much harder to do, but it can be done. Only way I was able to do it was through the help of my Higher Power, my Al Anon group and this board.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers, and hope you will reach out for some face to face support as well as stick around this board.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
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