Don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff 
I have spent months here complaining, LOL and I thought I could share some advice from a nice book with that title, by Richard Carlson, Ph. D.
The author died in 2006.
~~Imagine yourself at your own funeral
This strategy is a little scary for some people but universally effective at reminding us of what's most important in our lives.
When we look back on our lives, how many of us are going to be pleased at how uptight we were? Almost universally, when people look back on their lives while on their deathed, they wish that their priorities had been quite different.
While it can be a little scary or painful, it's a good idea to consider your own death and in the process, your life. Doing so will remind you of the kind of person you want to be and the priorities that are most important to you.
If you're at all like me, you'll probably get a wake-up call that can be an excellent source of change.
Try it tonight, imagine all your family, friends in black. What are they saying about you? What are your feelings while you walk down the aisle towards your own resting body? What kind of expression do you have? Do you see yourself resting in peace? What did you learn? What do you remember the most? Which was the main lesson in your life? Did you fulfill the expectations you had about yourself?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Oh its a wonderful book, a bestseller, I have it infront of me at work so when I am getting angry or stressed about something.. I remember.. its small stuff!!
And open it randomly every day..
Here is today's:
~ One more passing show
This is a strategy that I have recently adopted into my own life. It's a subtle reminder that everything - the good and bad, pleasure and pain, approval and disapproval, achievements and misakes, fame and shame - all come and go. Everything has a beginning and an ending and that's the way it's supposed to be.
Every experience you have ever had is over. Every though you've ever had, started and finished. Every emotion and mood you've experienced has been replaced by another. You've been happy, sad, jealous, depressed, angry, in love, shamed, proud and every other conceivable human feeling. Where did they all go? The answer is, no one really knows. Everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming the truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure.
Life is just one thing after another. When something is happening that we enjoy, it will eventually be replaced by something else, a different type of moment. If that's ok with you, you'll feel peace even when the moment changes.
And if you're experiencing some type of pain or displeasure, know that this too shall pass.
Keeping this awareness close to your heart is a wonderful way to maintain your perspective, even in the face of adversity. Not always easy - but usually helpful.
And open it randomly every day..
Here is today's:
~ One more passing show
This is a strategy that I have recently adopted into my own life. It's a subtle reminder that everything - the good and bad, pleasure and pain, approval and disapproval, achievements and misakes, fame and shame - all come and go. Everything has a beginning and an ending and that's the way it's supposed to be.
Every experience you have ever had is over. Every though you've ever had, started and finished. Every emotion and mood you've experienced has been replaced by another. You've been happy, sad, jealous, depressed, angry, in love, shamed, proud and every other conceivable human feeling. Where did they all go? The answer is, no one really knows. Everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming the truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure.
Life is just one thing after another. When something is happening that we enjoy, it will eventually be replaced by something else, a different type of moment. If that's ok with you, you'll feel peace even when the moment changes.
And if you're experiencing some type of pain or displeasure, know that this too shall pass.
Keeping this awareness close to your heart is a wonderful way to maintain your perspective, even in the face of adversity. Not always easy - but usually helpful.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Whenever I'm anxiety-ridden about something over which I have no control, like last night at 3am 
, I know in my heart it is because I have lost the clear perspective that he talks about in these passages, dreamer. Thanks for posting them.
, I know in my heart it is because I have lost the clear perspective that he talks about in these passages, dreamer. Thanks for posting them.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Yesterday I was reading the Grief Club by Melody Beattie and she says
"The main tenet of codependency recovery is to accept whatever you feel, with the only two rules in the meantime: do not hurt yourself and do not hurt others"
Just this task of accepting... is enough for me this year.. LOL
That clear perspective has helped me remember what is true, just thought those excerpts... may help you too
Thanks for being out there walking with me,
Sandra
"The main tenet of codependency recovery is to accept whatever you feel, with the only two rules in the meantime: do not hurt yourself and do not hurt others"
Just this task of accepting... is enough for me this year.. LOL
That clear perspective has helped me remember what is true, just thought those excerpts... may help you too
Thanks for being out there walking with me,
Sandra
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California
Posts: 39
I once had a very vivid dream where I had died. I was actually at the funeral home and saw myself in the casket. Believe it or not I was being buried in a red silk dress! No one could see or hear me, and what I recall the most was my mother crying, sobbing, inconsolable. Very scary. My roommate at the time told me I was crying in my sleep.
I would be happy to not have one of those dreams again!
I would be happy to not have one of those dreams again!
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
~ Acknowledge the totality of your being
Zorba the Greek was said to have described himself as "the whole catastrophe". the truth is, we're all the whole catastrophe, only we wish that we weren't. We deny the parts of ourselves that we deem unacceptable rather than accepting the fact that we're all less than perfect.
One of the reasons it's important to accept all aspects of yourself is that it allows you to be easier on yourself, more compassionate. When you act or feel insecure, rather than pretending to be "together" you can open to the truth and say to yourself, "I'm feeling frightened and that's OK".
If you're feeling jealous, greedy, or angry, rather than deny or bury your feelings, you can open to them, which helps you move through them quickly and grow beyond them.
When you no longer think of your negative feelings as a big deal, or as something to fear, you will no longer be frightened by them. When you open to the totality of your being you no longer have to pretend that your life is perfect, or even hope that it will be.
Instead you can accept yourself as you are, right now.
When you acknowledge the less than perfect parts of yourself, something magical begins to happen. Along with the negative, you'll also begin to notice the positive, the wonderful aspects of yourself that you may not have given yourself credit for, or perhaps even been aware of.
You'll notice that while you may, at times, act with self-interest in mind, at other times you're incredible selfless. Sometimes you may act insecure or frightened, but most often you are corageous.
While you can certainly get uptight, you can also be quite relaxed.
You may indeed be "the whole catastrophe", but you can relax about it. So are the rest of us.
Zorba the Greek was said to have described himself as "the whole catastrophe". the truth is, we're all the whole catastrophe, only we wish that we weren't. We deny the parts of ourselves that we deem unacceptable rather than accepting the fact that we're all less than perfect.
One of the reasons it's important to accept all aspects of yourself is that it allows you to be easier on yourself, more compassionate. When you act or feel insecure, rather than pretending to be "together" you can open to the truth and say to yourself, "I'm feeling frightened and that's OK".
If you're feeling jealous, greedy, or angry, rather than deny or bury your feelings, you can open to them, which helps you move through them quickly and grow beyond them.
When you no longer think of your negative feelings as a big deal, or as something to fear, you will no longer be frightened by them. When you open to the totality of your being you no longer have to pretend that your life is perfect, or even hope that it will be.
Instead you can accept yourself as you are, right now.
When you acknowledge the less than perfect parts of yourself, something magical begins to happen. Along with the negative, you'll also begin to notice the positive, the wonderful aspects of yourself that you may not have given yourself credit for, or perhaps even been aware of.
You'll notice that while you may, at times, act with self-interest in mind, at other times you're incredible selfless. Sometimes you may act insecure or frightened, but most often you are corageous.
While you can certainly get uptight, you can also be quite relaxed.
You may indeed be "the whole catastrophe", but you can relax about it. So are the rest of us.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
~~Imagine yourself at your own funeral
This does make you think....now that I think about it.
Last I was threatening AH that I wouldn't have a funeral for him if he died on drugs.
Then I had a dream he was in a coffin I was standing next to it.
Now to think about it the other way around really's got me thinkin....hmmmm.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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~ Set aside quiet time, every day
As I begin to write this strategy its exactly 4:30 in the morning, my favorite time of the day. I still have at least an hour and a half before my wife and children get out of bed and the phone begins to ring.
It's absolutely silent outside and I'm in complete solitude. There is something rejuvenating and peaceful about being alone and having some time to reflect, work, or simply enjoy the quiet.
In the stress management field I have worked on for over a decade, I can't think of a single person whom I consider inwardly peaceful who doesn't carve out at least a little quiet time, virtually every day. Whether it's 10 min of meditation or yoga, spending a little time in nature, or taking a ten-minute bath, quiet time to yourself is a vital part of life.
On my way home from work, as I get close to my driveway, I pull my car over and stop. I spend a minute or two looking at the view or closing my eyes and breathing. It slows me down and helps me feel centered and grateful.
Try it today.
As I begin to write this strategy its exactly 4:30 in the morning, my favorite time of the day. I still have at least an hour and a half before my wife and children get out of bed and the phone begins to ring.
It's absolutely silent outside and I'm in complete solitude. There is something rejuvenating and peaceful about being alone and having some time to reflect, work, or simply enjoy the quiet.
In the stress management field I have worked on for over a decade, I can't think of a single person whom I consider inwardly peaceful who doesn't carve out at least a little quiet time, virtually every day. Whether it's 10 min of meditation or yoga, spending a little time in nature, or taking a ten-minute bath, quiet time to yourself is a vital part of life.
On my way home from work, as I get close to my driveway, I pull my car over and stop. I spend a minute or two looking at the view or closing my eyes and breathing. It slows me down and helps me feel centered and grateful.
Try it today.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
~ Life is a test / it is only a test
"Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been a real life you would have been instructed where to go and what to do."
You can begin to see life and its many challenges as a test, each issue you face as an opportunity to grow, a chance to roll with the punches.
Whether you're being bombarded with problems ,responsibilities, even insurmountable hurdles, when looked at as a test... you always have a chance to suceed, in the sense of rising above that which is challenging you.
"Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been a real life you would have been instructed where to go and what to do."
You can begin to see life and its many challenges as a test, each issue you face as an opportunity to grow, a chance to roll with the punches.
Whether you're being bombarded with problems ,responsibilities, even insurmountable hurdles, when looked at as a test... you always have a chance to suceed, in the sense of rising above that which is challenging you.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
A friend had my book but I just went to his cubicle and stole it:
~ Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you
This strategy gives you a chance to practice something that is probably completely unacceptable to you! However, if you give it a try, you might find that it's one of the most helpful exercises in self-improvement.
Imagine the people you meet are all here to teach you something. You may be surprised at how fun and easy this is. All you're really doing is changing your perception from "Why are they doing this?" to "What are they trying to teach me?"
Take a look around today at all the enlightened people.
~ Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you
This strategy gives you a chance to practice something that is probably completely unacceptable to you! However, if you give it a try, you might find that it's one of the most helpful exercises in self-improvement.
Imagine the people you meet are all here to teach you something. You may be surprised at how fun and easy this is. All you're really doing is changing your perception from "Why are they doing this?" to "What are they trying to teach me?"
Take a look around today at all the enlightened people.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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right now I'm thinking that at my funeral people will be saying "she sure put up with him for longer than anyone should have" OR "she sure gave him more chances than he deserved"
I know this because people now are telling me this very thing. LOL. It's a crying shame!!!
I know this because people now are telling me this very thing. LOL. It's a crying shame!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
It is a great book, I probably should stop stealing the snippets and just say "buy this book"!
Good for you Trying, realizing that NOW while you can still take actions and find joy in your life
Good for you Trying, realizing that NOW while you can still take actions and find joy in your life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Couldn't resist sharing this one:
- Imagine the people in your life as tiny infants and one-hundred-year old adults
Imagine a person that irritates you, as a tiny infant, see their tiny little features and their innocent little eyes.Know that babies can't help but make mistakes and each of us was, at one time, a little infant.
Roll forward the clock one hundred years. See the same person as a very, very old person who is about to die. Look at their worn-out eyes and their soft smile, which suggests a bit of wisdom and the admission of mistakes made.
Each of us will be one hundred years, dead or alive, before too many decades pass.
- Imagine the people in your life as tiny infants and one-hundred-year old adults
Imagine a person that irritates you, as a tiny infant, see their tiny little features and their innocent little eyes.Know that babies can't help but make mistakes and each of us was, at one time, a little infant.
Roll forward the clock one hundred years. See the same person as a very, very old person who is about to die. Look at their worn-out eyes and their soft smile, which suggests a bit of wisdom and the admission of mistakes made.
Each of us will be one hundred years, dead or alive, before too many decades pass.
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