Suspicious

After hubby & I spoke a couple of times today on the phone I am so confused. I know that I know what I know! BUT what if I am wrong???? and he is telling me the truth that he just quit them just like that and he never took more than what he told me. He laughed when I said I thought he was taking about 6 a day. Said 'I told you about those' and DANG IT! his explanation makes perfect sense! He tells me that he knows people who got hooked on pain meds and there is NO WAY he would ever let it get to that because he would never do anything to risk loosing me or ruining our life. He seems SOOOOO sincere and then I start wondering and doubting myself. I start asking myself 'why am I so keen to think this of him?' I get myself in the frame of mind that I can do this by myself if I need to and I actually get to the point that I look forward to it because I just know that my life will be easier without the worry of this. Then I get my engine slammed into reverse and start thinking how good it was and could be again if he really never takes another pill again. Someone once mentioned a high functioning addict... that is what hubby is, (if he is one grrrr) it hasnt effected our finances or his day to day of going to work. He has never been abusive to me either physical or verbal and I hear how the drugs can turn people into a monster and I think 'he isnt like that so is it more proof that I am wrong about him'
I feel like such a whiner and I am sorry if it seems that I just come on here to vent and ask for reassurance. My mother is thankful tho cuz she hasnt had to be my sounding board for the last few days. So thanks from me AND her.

Ann

I learned to trust my instinct. It was far more truthful than my active addict son who could throw out a good story.

You will never know how much he is taking, but his actions will tell you more than his words.

Either way, you can't change it, so how about taking good care of you? Have you tried any meetings? Meetings saved my life and helped me build a strong foundation for my recovery. Why not give it a try?

Hugs

sailorjohn

welcome!!!

We get caught up in their denial and start doubting our truth. Pretty common, I've done it myself countless times. There's a lot of good reading here, and tons of wisdom.

bluebelle

Go with your instinct. My ABF is great at talking, too. My ABF has never been physically or emotionally abusive, he's always had good jobs, he's always had better finances than me.

I think that is one of the big problems with drugs/alcohol. People assume that if someone is an "addict," then they will look or act a certain way. They'll be the wino on the corner, or something like that. That is a real mistake. I guess it makes it easy for the addict to continue to fool themselves into thinking that they can "handle it." They are different. They aren't addicted. They can control it.

Addicts are expert at fooling themselves, so they are also experts at fooling others.

My opinion is that you should trust yourself and trust your feelings. If you are feeling uncomfortable, then there is something wrong in your life. You can't change your husband. You can't control how many drugs he takes. No amount of quizzing him or watching him is going to change that. All you can do is work on your own feelings and take care of yourself.

BayAreaPhoenix

Certainly can't say whether he is or he isn't telling the truth. Only can say that this making us doubt ourselves is a classic, as SailorJohn says. Spinning you so you doubt yourself, and next thing you know - you're in crazy land. It is called crazy-making for a reason. As you said, stick to what you KNOW. Something is obviously off in your relationship and whatever that may be is worth looking at for YOURSELF, what you need to do for you to be happy.

I ditto Ann's suggestions too.

Impurrfect

((Suspicious))

I also trust my gut.

I can tell you this. When I was abusing opiates, I was VERY good at hiding it, for quite a while. I worked, every day, did a darned good job, in fact; paid my bills. I could come up with some excellent answers/validations/excuses to anything anyone asked or suspected. It would make sense that he now has plausible explanations for everything now...he's had time to think about it, right?

I just think if you had reason to come to this board, your gut is telling you "something is not right" and you need to listen MORE to your gut, and less to him. Think back to what initially brought you here.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

dorton

Making us doubt ourselves is just one of the ways they manipulate us.

cessy68

first, I'd tell you that if I had a dollar for everytime I've heard that line from my abf, I'd be a rich girl with my toes in the sand sippin on a pina colada by now.

Second, I hope that I wasn't the one who said they have a 'high functioning addict' (giving others the impression that it is tolerable or o.k.)
It is what it is, and he still is an addict, that WILL get worse, high functioning or not. P.s. Since this is my usual hang-up area, TRUST ME when I say this will mind-set will only delude you into believing that it may just magicly get better.

Take care,
cess

bluebelle

I've heard that line a million times, too.

laurie6781

QUACK, QUACK, QUACK

Time to picture the Big White AFLAC Duck with the Orange Beak every time he opens his mouth to speak.

Can you say MANIPULATION?

Have you ever heard the saying the best defense is a good offense. ie He defends himself by making you think you are crazy. He puts you on the defensive.

Just picture the duck.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

peaceteach

I think that it doesn't matter whether he is or isn't right now. That will reveal itself in time. What matters for the immediate is how do YOU want to feel today, tomorrow, and in the future? If you can take your focus off HIM and put it where you know the truth -- yourself -- and be completely honest with yourself, you will find the peace and serenity you seek. Counseling, reading, writing here, face to face meetings all will help teach you how to keep your focus on you, not on others. It's so like us to always wonder about THEM, and to never just realize it's okay to focus on US. But really, it's a free gift you can give yourself, detachment from whether he is or isn't. Think about how you can stop worrying about him, and how you can start nurturing yourself. It's so much more enjoyable, and so much healthier. He will do what he's going to do no matter what you say or think, so try letting it go. You sound perfectly normal to me with a perfectly normal gut instinct. Now go that one step further and detach from his choices and just focus on YOURS. It's very freeing to allow yourself to let go.

hope213

time will tell, it does not lie. in the mean time work your program. prayers,

winnie12

Its all about actions not words. Just take a step back and quietly watch and see what happens. If he is in active addiction you'll know soon enough. Dont threaten, accuse or search for evidence just keep your eyes open and let your heart listen to your head.

Suspicious

Thanks Everyone!!!

I got myself in the frame of mind that if I continued to think this of him when he seemed so sincere and honest that maybe it meant that I was just looking for an excuse for my withdrawal from him.

After a lot of soul searching and a period of depression I had figured out that I had withdrawn from him because he had changed and I know KNOW that the change is from the pills. He has been so detached from me and this family for quite a while now.

I have decided to just move forward. Like I have been advised, if he is still abusing them it will eventually be revealed. If, by some chance, he is off of them and 'we' get better then great. If he is off of them and I dont get better then I will have to deal with that and what it means to us.

Abundance

Suspicious..... I haven't read your other posts - so I will only go off of this one.

Chances are ... your inner child is telling you something and you don't like what it is telling you. But those inner children also put things vaguely leaving it up to us to figure out just what it is!

First off - it starts with us..... not our outer existence. Which means keeping the focus on you and not looking on the outside for what is hurting you on the inside. You say your husband says there is no problem - he has not shown the progressed signs of what happens in drug abuse. If you want to look at your marriage - take out the reason "why" he does / acts the way he does... but just the simpleness of what it is that he does/doesn't do. And if that is something you can drown out enough to the point that you can find your own answer from within... by focusing on your own reasons for feeling insecure and non-trusting.

It's blinking hard to do - I'm a poster child for this on a daily basis!

Journaling helps.... it helps to just write out how I'm feeling and what I'm going through on each given day.

I know what you mean when you say "he makes me doubt myself".... boy ... do I ever "get that". But in recovery I've learned that I should not give my power to anything/anyone that makes me doubt myself! I'm the only one who can make me doubt myself......... and to get to the root of that issue - I have to start with "me"!

I probably sound quite redundant - but as much as I'm telling you this - I am also telling myself the same!