She said thank you!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 89
She said thank you!
Wow, what a difference. My AD who checked herself into rehab in December and then relapsed quickly upon returning home, went back to rehab again. This time it was recommended that she go to an SLE. The first time she told me that couldn't make it in her home environment and requested an SLE. I should have listened. So, I checked her in this week, helped her bring her stuff there, and as I kissed her on the cheek wishing her luck, she said, "thank you". She said most parents would have just kicked me out on the street. (LOL - that was what I was going to do if she didn't return to rehab and work on this problem).
She hasn't been there long, but, I am hopeful. She is going to meetings, looking for work, has several potential sponsor contacts, etc. All motion points in the right direction.
Unfortunately, things with her siblings are not so upbeat. They know about her problem, have limited contact with her, and the one sibling that I thought would be understanding is now afraid to have her visit. I understand the fear yet at the same time makes me really sad. I see progress and a child making every attempt to conquer this problem, and her siblings see someone who will be shedding drugs out of her pockets like we shed a virus. I understand that they don't want to be around an addict, but at the same time it makes me so sad. I see potential, will, trying to win what will most likely be the hardest battle of her life, and her siblings see someone who is a danger to them and their family. It is like there is a lag ... we all should have been the most worried when she was using but we didn't know. Now that she has admitted the problem, wanted her family to know (her choice), now the siblings are in fear and at the moment she is clean. Do families every come around or will they always view her as jsut a drug addict?
She hasn't been there long, but, I am hopeful. She is going to meetings, looking for work, has several potential sponsor contacts, etc. All motion points in the right direction.
Unfortunately, things with her siblings are not so upbeat. They know about her problem, have limited contact with her, and the one sibling that I thought would be understanding is now afraid to have her visit. I understand the fear yet at the same time makes me really sad. I see progress and a child making every attempt to conquer this problem, and her siblings see someone who will be shedding drugs out of her pockets like we shed a virus. I understand that they don't want to be around an addict, but at the same time it makes me so sad. I see potential, will, trying to win what will most likely be the hardest battle of her life, and her siblings see someone who is a danger to them and their family. It is like there is a lag ... we all should have been the most worried when she was using but we didn't know. Now that she has admitted the problem, wanted her family to know (her choice), now the siblings are in fear and at the moment she is clean. Do families every come around or will they always view her as jsut a drug addict?
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
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Awww Marlie, That's wonderful, sounds like your daughter is on the right road. IMO, It will probably just take time for the siblings to come around. After all, how long did it take us, the Mom's, to realize that addiction is a disease 
Hugs,
Chris
Hugs,
Chris
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
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Do families every come around or will they always view her as jsut a drug addict?
It will work out eventually. Those that are 'fearful' right now will change in time.
In the meantime, a BIG CONGRATS to your daughter for recognizing her problem and wanting to do something about it.
Her siblings may not be very supportive right now, but it sounds like mom is!
Right now, you are in the "Watch and Wait" phase.
J M H O, but it sounds like she on on the right track!
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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That's awesome for you and your daughter and eventually for the sibs.
May I give some advice? Lather your other kids with your attention, praise, little gifts if you can, and NEVER bring up the daughter in rehab. Kind of like the advice they give us when we bring a new baby home from the hospital. Just ignore that daughter who has been behaving so badly and give the other ones extra attention just for being good. Even our adult kids need that from us. If they ask about the misbehaving sister, just give a short positive answer and get off the subject and bring it around back to them and their lives....
I think families can heal. I also think that you, the parent, are a hub that can facilitate that by behaving wisely....
May I give some advice? Lather your other kids with your attention, praise, little gifts if you can, and NEVER bring up the daughter in rehab. Kind of like the advice they give us when we bring a new baby home from the hospital. Just ignore that daughter who has been behaving so badly and give the other ones extra attention just for being good. Even our adult kids need that from us. If they ask about the misbehaving sister, just give a short positive answer and get off the subject and bring it around back to them and their lives....
I think families can heal. I also think that you, the parent, are a hub that can facilitate that by behaving wisely....
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
It sounds like good steps for your daughter and I know what that thank you meant to you. Its amazing how one positive thing out of their mouths can heal so much in our hearts.
For her siblings - from my daughters view, she loves her brother but she is so anti-drug and is so tired of him messing up things for her that she on her own decided to detach. I wouldnt push them on this becuase this is them setting up their own boundaries of what they can and cant take. We as moms are going to see the best in our children but siblings know a different side of the person and they are a bit harder to convince. In time if your daughter stays clean they will start trusting her again but for now i think its their choice.
For her siblings - from my daughters view, she loves her brother but she is so anti-drug and is so tired of him messing up things for her that she on her own decided to detach. I wouldnt push them on this becuase this is them setting up their own boundaries of what they can and cant take. We as moms are going to see the best in our children but siblings know a different side of the person and they are a bit harder to convince. In time if your daughter stays clean they will start trusting her again but for now i think its their choice.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 89
[QUOTE=sojourner;2154605]That's awesome for you and your daughter and eventually for the sibs.
May I give some advice? Lather your other kids with your attention, praise, little gifts if you can, and NEVER bring up the daughter in rehab.
I will do that Sojourner. I actually had been trying to do that for the last year. Unfortunately, I heal by talking and when something is going on in my life, I tell everyone. I realize that I need to stop talking about my AD to her siblings as even when I tell them of positive steps they see only negative things about her.
She is still doing well btw. Perhaps the SLE is the method by which she can recover.
May I give some advice? Lather your other kids with your attention, praise, little gifts if you can, and NEVER bring up the daughter in rehab.
I will do that Sojourner. I actually had been trying to do that for the last year. Unfortunately, I heal by talking and when something is going on in my life, I tell everyone. I realize that I need to stop talking about my AD to her siblings as even when I tell them of positive steps they see only negative things about her.
She is still doing well btw. Perhaps the SLE is the method by which she can recover.
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