four812

I am going to have 90 days in two weeks....i have been trying to do this for 4 years, and I AM going to do it this time.

I know it's one day at a time, and I'm practicing more and more in this area of living in today, but also I have this goal (of 90 days and of continued sobriety), and i felt the ghosts wanting me back yesterday with the alluring change of weather, but I'm not dancing with them. period.

I have a lot of work to continue and begin. my life is getting fuller and fuller, and yet this weather change is bringing up the ghosts. they are lonely (the ghosts). they are hungry. and they want me

...and I am hungry as well. i am hungry for new life. i am hungry to become my authentic self. i am hungry to be loving and kind. I am hungry to Live a life of beauty...NOW.

Anna

Ksplash, you're doing great!

It's normal, that as seasons change, your feelings are affected. You'll be fine, just stay focused.

HideorSeek

Congratulations Ksplash on your sober time. I totally agree with you...It DOES get better and better, doesn't it?

SHawk25

Congratulations.. Great job, right now you are at my best in a decade. A few years back I had achieved a goal to go from New Years to St. Patty's Day (Not gonna mention what happened on St. Patty's, Saturday night downtown Philly)

But almost every winter I tried not to drink from New Years til April.. Never made it, usually always broke around my bday in late Feb.

Ha, I have a new idea.. With your hunger, your ghosts and the spring coming.. Throw your ghost on the bbq and eat them.. Sorry for the bad joke, it's early..

Toomutch

It seems as if both spring and winter affect me the most. There are so many things associated with the warmer weather that remind me of drinking. Like when my husband lit up the bbq twice over the weekend and we ate outside; I was thinking how well a glass of wine would be. The problem is it wouldn't have been one glass, it would have been the whole entire bottle and then to the store for more...The craving didn't last long and I had an awesome time drinking my iced tea with the rest of the family.

You can do this ksplash... It is obvious you want it... so stay in each day and accomplish it.

prettypoison

I'm with you there. The weather change is unsettling to me as well. I have visions of having an ice cold beer while grilling outside listening to the birds chirping -- I know I cannot romanticize alcohol -- because after the cookout I am belligerent fool embarrassing myself. Then there's the next day where I'm hiding from the same sun I wanted to be in the day before and wishing the birds would shut up. Those ghosts haunt me as well. I'm clinging tight to all of my sobriety resources and sticking close to my SR family -- I hope you do too. I know that hunger of wanting a better life -- I'm feeding into it every day I stay sober. Stay resilient :ghug3

Taking5

Great job. I have been at this for 4 years, with 4 relapses also, so I know where you are coming from.

four812

thanks everyone.

I talked with my sponsor shortly after that post and he sugested that I meditate. duh !!

so i did. I did a 30 minute sitting meditation, and then had lunch, and then went back to work, and now it's time to punch out. I feel better and refreshed.

and the whole while i knew it would pass, with some effort on my part. some action. new behavior and new thinking.

i have a good evening of homework for therapy, therapy, and a meeting.

thanks and have a nice day everyone
that was funny.