Hello from a newcomer - and I need some advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: TN
Posts: 58
Hello from a newcomer - and I need some advice
Hi everyone.
I have been a binge drinker for about 20 years now - it really started in college, when I would basically party every other semester, with "sober" semesters in between. The last few years though I have been getting to the point of drinking until drunkeness every other day essentially. Blackouts have started, I have done lots of stupid, dangerous, costly things, you know the story. I'm really happy to have found this site - it is a great place to read and spend time reinforcing my road to sobriety. Last week I went 4 days (after a weekend binge), but threw it all out the window Friday night because of a bachelor party. Once again, I became the worst drunk in my group, spent tons of $$$ I should not have, etc. Saturday AM I had to see my mother at a wedding, and I am sure she could see the after-effects. At the reception, since I was still a little buzzed from the night before, I started up again. Major fight with my wife later that night. Stopped Sunday because I was hung-over massively, spent the day in bed. After a bout of dry heaves yesterday AM, I made it to work, but went home and went straight to bed. No alcohol.
Today I feel great. This is how my every-other-day binges go. I know that when I get off work, I could easily go get a couple of beers on the way home. Before actually getting to my house though, I would probably get a couple more cans though. And off I would go again. It's like when I feel really good from not drinking I want to go get drunk the most.
I have decided I really need to stop this pattern, and I do believe I can. But here is where I need the advice. The "crowd" my wife and I are friends with have some sort of party at least every weekend, and usually during the week at least once as well. Her best friend is a bartender. Her best friends's husband (who is also a good friend of mine) drinks a lot (easily as much as I do). Alcohol, pot, and more abound. My wife encourages me to hang out with these people, but she has no drinking problem. She can go out until 3AM, have 2 drinks total, but I end up at best super drunk and hung over, or at worst super-drunk, not remembering which of her friends offended, my wife threatening to leave, hung over, and missing lots of cash.
I do realize that I am the one drinking all this liquid and getting in trouble, but it is much easier for me to avoid temptation if I am not around a bunch of people drinking. Tonight is St.Pats day on top of everything, and we are supposed to go a new band play - the guy I wrote about above is in that band.
What do I do? I want to stay home and get in another day of sobriety. If I go, I will drink. I want to break this habit before I put myself back in such a tempting situation.
I have been a binge drinker for about 20 years now - it really started in college, when I would basically party every other semester, with "sober" semesters in between. The last few years though I have been getting to the point of drinking until drunkeness every other day essentially. Blackouts have started, I have done lots of stupid, dangerous, costly things, you know the story. I'm really happy to have found this site - it is a great place to read and spend time reinforcing my road to sobriety. Last week I went 4 days (after a weekend binge), but threw it all out the window Friday night because of a bachelor party. Once again, I became the worst drunk in my group, spent tons of $$$ I should not have, etc. Saturday AM I had to see my mother at a wedding, and I am sure she could see the after-effects. At the reception, since I was still a little buzzed from the night before, I started up again. Major fight with my wife later that night. Stopped Sunday because I was hung-over massively, spent the day in bed. After a bout of dry heaves yesterday AM, I made it to work, but went home and went straight to bed. No alcohol.
Today I feel great. This is how my every-other-day binges go. I know that when I get off work, I could easily go get a couple of beers on the way home. Before actually getting to my house though, I would probably get a couple more cans though. And off I would go again. It's like when I feel really good from not drinking I want to go get drunk the most.
I have decided I really need to stop this pattern, and I do believe I can. But here is where I need the advice. The "crowd" my wife and I are friends with have some sort of party at least every weekend, and usually during the week at least once as well. Her best friend is a bartender. Her best friends's husband (who is also a good friend of mine) drinks a lot (easily as much as I do). Alcohol, pot, and more abound. My wife encourages me to hang out with these people, but she has no drinking problem. She can go out until 3AM, have 2 drinks total, but I end up at best super drunk and hung over, or at worst super-drunk, not remembering which of her friends offended, my wife threatening to leave, hung over, and missing lots of cash.
I do realize that I am the one drinking all this liquid and getting in trouble, but it is much easier for me to avoid temptation if I am not around a bunch of people drinking. Tonight is St.Pats day on top of everything, and we are supposed to go a new band play - the guy I wrote about above is in that band.
What do I do? I want to stay home and get in another day of sobriety. If I go, I will drink. I want to break this habit before I put myself back in such a tempting situation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Attica, MI
Posts: 465
Welcome Saddler, SR is a good place to be. Sounds like you have decided to change your life for the better, good job....it won't be easy...but it is worth all the work.
My advice, very simple.
You know what you have to do to stay sober, it is the most important thing you can do right now. If you feel you will not be able to control yourself...don't go.
If you are working to become a better sober man your wife will understand...talk to her about it and tell her your concerns and what you are doing to get healthy.
Peace friend.
My advice, very simple.
You know what you have to do to stay sober, it is the most important thing you can do right now. If you feel you will not be able to control yourself...don't go.
If you are working to become a better sober man your wife will understand...talk to her about it and tell her your concerns and what you are doing to get healthy.
Peace friend.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Saddler, don't go. I too was a 'binge drinker' for about 25 years and when I had to stop (or literally die) 18 months ago I had to cut off 99% of my friendships. It's not easy cutting off friendships but if you want to save yourself then you have to; talk to your wife she just may understand.
J
J
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 100
"It's like when I feel really good from not drinking I want to go get drunk the most."
You're god damn right it's a vicious circle...
"I have decided I really need to stop this pattern, and I do believe I can. But here is where I need the advice. The "crowd" my wife and I are friends with have some sort of party at least every weekend, and usually during the week at least once as well. Her best friend is a bartender. Her best friends's husband (who is also a good friend of mine) drinks a lot (easily as much as I do). Alcohol, pot, and more abound. My wife encourages me to hang out with these people, but she has no drinking problem"
I have the same problem, all my friends and my partner drink, and don't have a drinking problem. My major plan is to just walk away from it, IE, go home and be alone, sober. Yes, it's very hard to do, but it must be done.
If my partner even mentions a drink in the future and god forbid, offer me one, I'll walk away, and leave her to figure it out!
Don't let everyone else steer you in the wrong direction, take some time, and be alone. Relax. After stopping alcohol, I've become a bath'o'holic. Unmanly I know, but it's relaxing, and giving your body a good rest.
Stay strong, if you want it this bad, you'll do it. And remember, it's not a point to be proved to your friends, wife or kids, it's a point to prove to yourself.
Good luck man, and welcome.
(sorry if I sound cocky, I'm just trying to help- every day is a lesson at the moment, and the more I can share the better)
You're god damn right it's a vicious circle...
"I have decided I really need to stop this pattern, and I do believe I can. But here is where I need the advice. The "crowd" my wife and I are friends with have some sort of party at least every weekend, and usually during the week at least once as well. Her best friend is a bartender. Her best friends's husband (who is also a good friend of mine) drinks a lot (easily as much as I do). Alcohol, pot, and more abound. My wife encourages me to hang out with these people, but she has no drinking problem"
I have the same problem, all my friends and my partner drink, and don't have a drinking problem. My major plan is to just walk away from it, IE, go home and be alone, sober. Yes, it's very hard to do, but it must be done.
If my partner even mentions a drink in the future and god forbid, offer me one, I'll walk away, and leave her to figure it out!
Don't let everyone else steer you in the wrong direction, take some time, and be alone. Relax. After stopping alcohol, I've become a bath'o'holic. Unmanly I know, but it's relaxing, and giving your body a good rest.
Stay strong, if you want it this bad, you'll do it. And remember, it's not a point to be proved to your friends, wife or kids, it's a point to prove to yourself.
Good luck man, and welcome.
(sorry if I sound cocky, I'm just trying to help- every day is a lesson at the moment, and the more I can share the better)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
You sound like I was, and your wife sounds like mine... she can go out all night and maybe, when she's really rockin', two drinks....
You have to put your sobriety before all else, because you may loose all else if you don't. There is lots of wisdom here... Keep coming back. And, don't drink. You might want to pass on that party tonight. Maybe an AA meeting?
Glad to see you... Good luck.
You have to put your sobriety before all else, because you may loose all else if you don't. There is lots of wisdom here... Keep coming back. And, don't drink. You might want to pass on that party tonight. Maybe an AA meeting?
Glad to see you... Good luck.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome to SR Sandler. 
Your drinking pattern matches mine completely.
You said that your wife has threatened to leave you. Mine did to and after 30 years this time she means it.
It is apparent to me that your wife will support your efforts to quit. Based on your pattern the detox part of it will likely be no more than the hangover you get every day after a session so you have to just decide that you REALLY want to quit and commit to it 100%.
Parties can't be an excuse or St. Paddy's day or going to a new band. You have to really want it.
Good luck.
Your drinking pattern matches mine completely.
You said that your wife has threatened to leave you. Mine did to and after 30 years this time she means it.
It is apparent to me that your wife will support your efforts to quit. Based on your pattern the detox part of it will likely be no more than the hangover you get every day after a session so you have to just decide that you REALLY want to quit and commit to it 100%.
Parties can't be an excuse or St. Paddy's day or going to a new band. You have to really want it.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome to SR and it looks like its been said. Don't go and stay sober. Good luck and I had to avoid a few people in the beginning of my sobriety. I also told on myself. I feel if people are my friends they would want me to live and to be healthy. I could only do that if I stopped drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: TN
Posts: 58
Thanks to all for all the kind words - it is nice to know that others understand where I have been. I'm going to be spending a lot of time here on SR.
Tonight I've decided I am going to clean the carpet in our master BR, after I fix the carpet cleaner I let set (and clog) after an afternoon of cleaning our living room (drunk). I think it was Bud Lite that day that kept me from getting around to rinsing out the machine. I'm keeping my St. Pats celebration to wearing a green shirt while I do it.
Tonight I've decided I am going to clean the carpet in our master BR, after I fix the carpet cleaner I let set (and clog) after an afternoon of cleaning our living room (drunk). I think it was Bud Lite that day that kept me from getting around to rinsing out the machine. I'm keeping my St. Pats celebration to wearing a green shirt while I do it.
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