Hey God, enough already!
Attitude of Gratitude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Hey God, enough already!
I will try to make this as brief as possible, but you all know that's more than likely not going to happen! lol
I got a phone call today from my Dr. that, after I hung up, I could only put the phone down, look up to the Heavens at my HP and ask, "I know you never throw anything at me that I can't handle, but I think my plate is just about full right now. Can I get a break here?"
As many of you know, Mom is still in the Nursing Home and we don't know if she will ever be able to come home. I am trying very hard to accept this as God's will. Apparently He feels that this may be best not just for her but for myself as well. But last week, they found a mass on her lung during an Xray. She's been having a great deal of breathing difficulties and over the past few days, she's been having pains in that area. We have choose not to tell her about this mass until we know further what it is. It could very well be nothing and we don't think the extra anxiety is something she could handle right now.
She's having the MRI in the morning and I have been dealing with her Medicare and Medicaid all day, both arguing about who should pay for the transportation to and from the hospital. Due to her medical conditions, transportation in a regular vehicle is out of the question.
Also she is being moved from the short term hallway to a long term hallway so I had to call the phone company to arrange for her service to be transfered. After being on hold for over half an hour, then getting disconnected, I called back, went through another half hour of the worst muzak I have ever heard, only to have some woman who can barely speak English try to tell me that there is no such room at the Nursing Home as 308A. WTF? So, I had to hang up, call the director of the Nursing Home back to straighten this stuff out with her and then listen to more Muzak.
During all of this, my neighbors in my apt building, who have filed a restraining order against me for calling the police on two seperate ocassions when her boyfriend is beating the hell out her are blasting their rap music yet again! Yeph, she filed a request for a restraining order saying that I am harassing them by calling the police when we can hear her getting the crap beat out of her. I contacted a Sgt at the records dept who emailed me 16 call logs, all but two of the calls I made, were of the girlfriend calling for help when she's arguing with her boyfriend. It's actually ridiculous, but I don't need to have to go to Court on this crap. I'm not worried about anything happening to me because I haven't done anything wrong. The couple who own the building are intimidated by the boyfriend and are afraid to evict them. And no, I can't move right now, I have no money coming in while I am waiting on my Social Security to come through, which on a positive note, looks pretty good.
I have been struggling with having to have two MRI's done, as well as several other tests to determine if I do have three ruptured discs in my lower back. I haven't had more than about two hours of sleep straight in weeks due to waking up from the pain. Since my DOC is opiates, there's no way that taking pain meds is even an option for me. I will not risk waking up the demon! I cannot have open MRI's since I have no insurance and I have had regular MRI's before and have had to be sedated. The 45 minutes in there, feeling like I was in a coffin and listening to the boom, boom, boom of the machine threw me into panic attacks. So after talking to my doctor a few times and several friends in Recovery, I decided that I will have to take some Valium for this. I cannot let the diagnosis go, the discs that they think are involved are around the nerves that control my bowels and bladder. If the nerves get too involved, I could lose permanent control of either or both.
So, this brings me to todays phone call. I have to have blood work every six weeks to make sure none of the many meds I have to take for my Rheumatoid Arthrits and Lupus are causing any side effects. I now have proteins in my urine and my liver enzymes are going up. These can be signs that I may have to go off of some of the meds that are trying to keep these diseases under control. My Mom had these same things happen and after she had to go off the same meds I take, her RA went wild, her joints started really being eaten away and bones began to just break.
When the woman from the Nursing Home called today about the move, she had to ask me a few more questions that weren't asked when Mom got there. One was which funeral home would we want to use in the event . . . I have been handling all of Mom's medical issues for a few years, but I wasn't ready for this question.
So, there you have it. Welcome to my life as of lately. I haven't had any cravings to use, sure, a few times the thought has popped into my head, but no real cravings. I know I have too much to loose, have come way too far over the past 3 years, 7 months and 19 days to be exact. The obsession has truly been lifted by the Grace of God. But I just needed to vent and get this out before I just start crying and risk drowning the cat! lol I really don't want to do that, he's a great listener.
Thanks, everyone, for taking the time to read my long, rambling thread. It's wonderful knowing that there are people out there who do care. I'm not getting any help from my brother dealing with everything with my Mom. He's never been there to help but one can hope and Pray, right?
God Bless You All,
Judy
I got a phone call today from my Dr. that, after I hung up, I could only put the phone down, look up to the Heavens at my HP and ask, "I know you never throw anything at me that I can't handle, but I think my plate is just about full right now. Can I get a break here?"
As many of you know, Mom is still in the Nursing Home and we don't know if she will ever be able to come home. I am trying very hard to accept this as God's will. Apparently He feels that this may be best not just for her but for myself as well. But last week, they found a mass on her lung during an Xray. She's been having a great deal of breathing difficulties and over the past few days, she's been having pains in that area. We have choose not to tell her about this mass until we know further what it is. It could very well be nothing and we don't think the extra anxiety is something she could handle right now.
She's having the MRI in the morning and I have been dealing with her Medicare and Medicaid all day, both arguing about who should pay for the transportation to and from the hospital. Due to her medical conditions, transportation in a regular vehicle is out of the question.
Also she is being moved from the short term hallway to a long term hallway so I had to call the phone company to arrange for her service to be transfered. After being on hold for over half an hour, then getting disconnected, I called back, went through another half hour of the worst muzak I have ever heard, only to have some woman who can barely speak English try to tell me that there is no such room at the Nursing Home as 308A. WTF? So, I had to hang up, call the director of the Nursing Home back to straighten this stuff out with her and then listen to more Muzak.
During all of this, my neighbors in my apt building, who have filed a restraining order against me for calling the police on two seperate ocassions when her boyfriend is beating the hell out her are blasting their rap music yet again! Yeph, she filed a request for a restraining order saying that I am harassing them by calling the police when we can hear her getting the crap beat out of her. I contacted a Sgt at the records dept who emailed me 16 call logs, all but two of the calls I made, were of the girlfriend calling for help when she's arguing with her boyfriend. It's actually ridiculous, but I don't need to have to go to Court on this crap. I'm not worried about anything happening to me because I haven't done anything wrong. The couple who own the building are intimidated by the boyfriend and are afraid to evict them. And no, I can't move right now, I have no money coming in while I am waiting on my Social Security to come through, which on a positive note, looks pretty good.
I have been struggling with having to have two MRI's done, as well as several other tests to determine if I do have three ruptured discs in my lower back. I haven't had more than about two hours of sleep straight in weeks due to waking up from the pain. Since my DOC is opiates, there's no way that taking pain meds is even an option for me. I will not risk waking up the demon! I cannot have open MRI's since I have no insurance and I have had regular MRI's before and have had to be sedated. The 45 minutes in there, feeling like I was in a coffin and listening to the boom, boom, boom of the machine threw me into panic attacks. So after talking to my doctor a few times and several friends in Recovery, I decided that I will have to take some Valium for this. I cannot let the diagnosis go, the discs that they think are involved are around the nerves that control my bowels and bladder. If the nerves get too involved, I could lose permanent control of either or both.
So, this brings me to todays phone call. I have to have blood work every six weeks to make sure none of the many meds I have to take for my Rheumatoid Arthrits and Lupus are causing any side effects. I now have proteins in my urine and my liver enzymes are going up. These can be signs that I may have to go off of some of the meds that are trying to keep these diseases under control. My Mom had these same things happen and after she had to go off the same meds I take, her RA went wild, her joints started really being eaten away and bones began to just break.
When the woman from the Nursing Home called today about the move, she had to ask me a few more questions that weren't asked when Mom got there. One was which funeral home would we want to use in the event . . . I have been handling all of Mom's medical issues for a few years, but I wasn't ready for this question.
So, there you have it. Welcome to my life as of lately. I haven't had any cravings to use, sure, a few times the thought has popped into my head, but no real cravings. I know I have too much to loose, have come way too far over the past 3 years, 7 months and 19 days to be exact. The obsession has truly been lifted by the Grace of God. But I just needed to vent and get this out before I just start crying and risk drowning the cat! lol I really don't want to do that, he's a great listener.
Thanks, everyone, for taking the time to read my long, rambling thread. It's wonderful knowing that there are people out there who do care. I'm not getting any help from my brother dealing with everything with my Mom. He's never been there to help but one can hope and Pray, right?
God Bless You All,
Judy
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Judy, I'm sorry to hear all you're going through. I understand what it is to care for a sick parent. My father is gone now, and I know I should be more grateful that Ma is doing as well as she is (She just had her 83rd birthday this past week) instead of focusing on the ways she isn't (she has Alzheimer's).
And as for your pain issues, I hope you know you have my empathy. As Mother Teresa is credited with muttering, "I know God won't give me more than I can handle, but I wish he didn't trust me so much."
Blessings.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
And as for your pain issues, I hope you know you have my empathy. As Mother Teresa is credited with muttering, "I know God won't give me more than I can handle, but I wish he didn't trust me so much."
Blessings.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Attitude of Gratitude
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Of course you can send me a PM, kj! It's actually a sad thing because the girl and her Mother both obviously have mental health issues. In the copies of the police call logs, they have called for help from the police for things such as, and I quote, "states people are throwing waves of gas at her and using rectal probes and vaginal probes on her." The girl, well, she's 22, had a baby in Nov. that I am very concerned about. When she was still pregnant, she called the police because she was, "raped by an electrical entity that followed them from Mexico." (The Mom and Daughter are both Hispanic) The boyfriend is a very manipulative thug who lives off the both of them and is just what I call an ED, Earth Disturber. . . sits back, causes trouble and just watches the drama unfold.
It's amazing how much better I feel after dumping all of this last night. Again, thanks for taking the time to read my novel.
Hugs to all,
Judy
It's amazing how much better I feel after dumping all of this last night. Again, thanks for taking the time to read my novel.
Hugs to all,
Judy
Go Browns!
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 642
Thanks for sharing your story. Sometimes when things get as bad as they can be for us, God carries us. Just remember the only thing that could make this sitution worse is if you picked up and used. And you didnt. So, it could be worse and we are all hear listening for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Ah hah! Now I know what you've been up to. I just sent you a nearly hysterical e-mail wondering where you've been!!
I'm glad that you're not worried about the courtdate next week. That is a joka and frankly a waste of the court's time unless they grant your motion for a protective order which I think is very much needed since the guy next door is abusive and provokes you all the time. I guess they didn't move out this weekend like the landlord told you they were.
You know I ALWAYS pray for you, your mom and Brandon. I hate that you are in so much pain all the time and I'm scared too about the combo of meds you're on being taken away because of side-effects. I'm so glad you are being strong in your determination not to use again and ruin your sobriety. You fought hard for all that clean time and by the grace of God, you WILL get through this. Let us know when the MRI is scheduled for you and keep us apprised on your mom. I was glad to see that nobody has told her about the mass because it would be her undoing.
I love you Judy and I'll call you later okay? If your resting - ignore the phone and text me when your up to talking and I'll call back.
I'm glad that you're not worried about the courtdate next week. That is a joka and frankly a waste of the court's time unless they grant your motion for a protective order which I think is very much needed since the guy next door is abusive and provokes you all the time. I guess they didn't move out this weekend like the landlord told you they were.
You know I ALWAYS pray for you, your mom and Brandon. I hate that you are in so much pain all the time and I'm scared too about the combo of meds you're on being taken away because of side-effects. I'm so glad you are being strong in your determination not to use again and ruin your sobriety. You fought hard for all that clean time and by the grace of God, you WILL get through this. Let us know when the MRI is scheduled for you and keep us apprised on your mom. I was glad to see that nobody has told her about the mass because it would be her undoing.
I love you Judy and I'll call you later okay? If your resting - ignore the phone and text me when your up to talking and I'll call back.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Judy)))
Well, NOW I know why I had the urge to call you today
I'm sorry you're going through so much, sweetie, but I love what Sugah posted about what Mother Theresa said
As far as the nursing home asking about the funeral home...bad timing, I know, but it's just a formality. I was a charge nurse at a nursing home, and it's just part of their paperwork...nothing personal and no indicator that they're thinking she's going to die any time soon. It's the same as when you check into the hospital, for whatever reason, and they ask you if you questions about a living will. It was just really bad timing.
I really hope you don't have to go off the methotrexate, but that is some pretty strong medicine, with some serious side effects. Saying prayers that there is something else out there that can help you. Medicine has come a long way, and we can always hope and pray, right?
As far as the neighbors, well, you already know how I feel about them. You have enough paperwork from the cops on them, that the judge will chastise THEM and your landlords.
Hang in there, sweetie. You have a lot of people who care about you, and are sending you tons of support, hugs and prayers through cyberspace. If you need to talk, just call me and I'll call you right back..I've got free long distance. In the meantime, get some rest, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Well, NOW I know why I had the urge to call you today
I'm sorry you're going through so much, sweetie, but I love what Sugah posted about what Mother Theresa said
As far as the nursing home asking about the funeral home...bad timing, I know, but it's just a formality. I was a charge nurse at a nursing home, and it's just part of their paperwork...nothing personal and no indicator that they're thinking she's going to die any time soon. It's the same as when you check into the hospital, for whatever reason, and they ask you if you questions about a living will. It was just really bad timing.
I really hope you don't have to go off the methotrexate, but that is some pretty strong medicine, with some serious side effects. Saying prayers that there is something else out there that can help you. Medicine has come a long way, and we can always hope and pray, right?
As far as the neighbors, well, you already know how I feel about them. You have enough paperwork from the cops on them, that the judge will chastise THEM and your landlords.
Hang in there, sweetie. You have a lot of people who care about you, and are sending you tons of support, hugs and prayers through cyberspace. If you need to talk, just call me and I'll call you right back..I've got free long distance. In the meantime, get some rest, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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