A very humbling, sad weekend...
Karma Amputee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
A very humbling, sad weekend...
Let me just say that I'm sorry if I've come across recently on this board like an arrogant, insensitive jerk. As my recovery & sobriety has increased in length, I have felt myself becoming more confident and sometimes this comes across as cockiness, or as having a cavalier attitude when dealing with others still struggling. I'm still a work in progress myself so I hope I can find the forgiveness that I seek, both here and in the real world.
Anyway, I say this because something very humbling happened this weekend that brought me straight down to my knees, and tested my sobriety in a way that it has yet to be tested, but which I knew in time it would. It just happened sooner than I thought. A good friend of mine was killed at work this past Friday, the 13th. He was only 35 years old, and such a great person in so many ways.
When I found out the news, I was at a restaurant and as I was waiting for my to-go food, I was standing at the bar, full of emotions, and the bartender casually said, "what can I get ya to drink?" I refused, told her I was just waiting for food, but it would have been so easy to slip the way I was feeling. Then this weekend when a bunch of us got together at one of his favorite restaurants to mourn & celebrate his life, and while it seemed pretty easy to avoid drinking, I was offered free all you can eat pain pills by one of the people there. Again, I refused, and I'm proud that I did but I saw how easy it would have been to let the emotions get the best of me, and to smother them in booze or drugs.
In the end, I felt the feelings of pain and loss, and while it was hard and it really hurt (still does)...I got through it sober, and I'm so glad I did. The whole thing just made me really feel like I have to be nicer to people, more tolerant, and less of a wise-ass. So, let me start here.
Anyway, I say this because something very humbling happened this weekend that brought me straight down to my knees, and tested my sobriety in a way that it has yet to be tested, but which I knew in time it would. It just happened sooner than I thought. A good friend of mine was killed at work this past Friday, the 13th. He was only 35 years old, and such a great person in so many ways.
When I found out the news, I was at a restaurant and as I was waiting for my to-go food, I was standing at the bar, full of emotions, and the bartender casually said, "what can I get ya to drink?" I refused, told her I was just waiting for food, but it would have been so easy to slip the way I was feeling. Then this weekend when a bunch of us got together at one of his favorite restaurants to mourn & celebrate his life, and while it seemed pretty easy to avoid drinking, I was offered free all you can eat pain pills by one of the people there. Again, I refused, and I'm proud that I did but I saw how easy it would have been to let the emotions get the best of me, and to smother them in booze or drugs.
In the end, I felt the feelings of pain and loss, and while it was hard and it really hurt (still does)...I got through it sober, and I'm so glad I did. The whole thing just made me really feel like I have to be nicer to people, more tolerant, and less of a wise-ass. So, let me start here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Every one of us is a work in progress. I have good days and bad days. I'm trying to be kinder to those around me, and hope I don't mess up too badly or too often. I appreciate your honesty and am sorry for the sudden loss of your friend. I'm glad you were able to stay clean and sober thru this difficult time.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
None of us are perfect and we'll all have good days and not so great days. We all have a lot to work on. And when we can see what we need to work on then take the steps neccissary to work on that, it's a good and positive thing. It's a good thing to see someone strong enough to admit what they need to work on and it's encouraging to me and helps me through in remembering there's always something that can be improved. So, thank you for helping me in this. And I'm so sorry you have to go through such a devastating loss. I wish there was something I could do or say to ease the pain. You'll definitely be in thought and prayer.
Wes
Wes
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I cant say that I disagree with the first part of your post. You really brought my bad side out in a few posts as well. Only to defend those I believed you were mocking. I have to admit..as mad as you made me..I did see that you werent here for a couple days and checked to see if you had been here. Never want to make anyone at anytime feel like they cant come here. We all make mistakes.
But I think its safe to say we have all been in that position where we lose sight of where we once were.
I am so sorry for your loss. And I am very glad you stood your ground in the face of temptation.
Like I have said so many times before. I love SR because it is so forgiving, understanding and unconditional.
I am glad you are here, sober and relize none of us really truly have got it licked.
Welcome back getr.....I am glad to see you back.
But I think its safe to say we have all been in that position where we lose sight of where we once were.
I am so sorry for your loss. And I am very glad you stood your ground in the face of temptation.
Like I have said so many times before. I love SR because it is so forgiving, understanding and unconditional.
I am glad you are here, sober and relize none of us really truly have got it licked.
Welcome back getr.....I am glad to see you back.
Karma Amputee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
In the past, before recovery, it used to be very difficult for me to apologize and this has cost me a few relationships and created some family strain that I'm so happy to have now gotten past. Apologizing has gotten easier and more meaningful for me as I have gotten sober. It's also now easier for me to see and realize when I've done wrong and owe an apology.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
I too am glad you came back. I am so sorry for your loss, but it is really good to know you took something from that and made it into such a positive thing. I think its really neat to see growth among our members. I certainly have some growing to do myself. Hugs to you!
Karma Amputee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
I didn't really leave but I was ashamed for the way I acted, and I knew the Mods were not happy with me because one of my more thoughtless, wise-ass posts got pulled and I just knew a PM was gonna be waiting for me and I didn't want to face it, and then this whole thing happened on Friday and it took me away from the cyber-world and straight into the real world, real quick. Then all weekend I realized how lucky I am to have support in both worlds and really regretted how I acted here.
We all make mistakes. Acknowledging them and acting in consequence is what really matters. Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. And you're right, it would have been so easy to order a drink right then. I imagine now that no matter what the barmaid looked like physically, you probably saw her as an extension of your disease, waiting patiently for just the right time to pounce.
And it took a great deal of strength to turn down the pain pills. Even though my DOC was pain pills, I remember so many times when I relapsed that I would "justify it" in my mind. I'd tell myself that it's a prescription for goodness sakes, a legal "medication" for pain and I was in a great deal of it so it was ok.
And I do thank you for apologizing for your, uh, abrasiveness as of late. There have been times that I wanted to send you a PM regarding what I thought was uncalled for in some of your posts. But then, I have to remember that there are times that I think that I am in a much better place than some and want to call people on their, what I feel is, b*llsh*t. I have to step back and ask myself why I feel the need to respond the way I sometimes want to. Am I wanting to direct it to the person in question in a helpful way or is my disease wanting me to think that I have this thing licked, just to leave me wide open for my disease to grab me before I knew what happened.
I, for one, would like to thank you for your apology. I think that shows an incredeible amt of determination on your part to not fade back into the actions and behaviors of your past.
God Bless,
Judy
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
It's supposed to hurt when, we lose a family member and loved ones.
I'm glad it does, it means we care. God help us should we ever stop feeling for other people.
This past month, I attended my Uncle's funeral, a month before that, my cousin died unexpectdly. I've got 2 more cousin's I'm afraid I'm going to lose this year from cancer.
I've lost 2 of my best friends to heart attacks back when, I was drinking. I didn't drink though, it hurt too bad to drink.
I feel for you, the pain is great.
Rejoice in the time you had together though
I'm glad it does, it means we care. God help us should we ever stop feeling for other people.
This past month, I attended my Uncle's funeral, a month before that, my cousin died unexpectdly. I've got 2 more cousin's I'm afraid I'm going to lose this year from cancer.
I've lost 2 of my best friends to heart attacks back when, I was drinking. I didn't drink though, it hurt too bad to drink.
I feel for you, the pain is great.
Rejoice in the time you had together though
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Olympia, WA
Posts: 83
Extremely sorry for your loss Get. Your post however, shows your strength not only in resisting your temptation to use alcohol or drugs to subside your emotions, but, also the strength it takes to have the humility you have shown here. It is respected and appreciated. Tobe.
Karma Amputee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Bruce was such a great guy and it really sucks that he's gone. So young, and an only son. His parents are beside themselves, as are his sisters and many friends. It's really just so hard to believe. I know it's a cliche, but he truly lived more in his short life than most people do in their entire lives. And as was his way, he died helping somebody else by doing something he should never have even been doing but that's just how he was. Fearless and helpful until the very end. He was actually one of the first people outside of my own family that I told about quitting drinking back in October and that was during my first trip back into a bar room (to meet him and some friends) after quitting. I told him in the bar while sipping a coke and he was so cool about it, which was his way. I had no idea that his death would turn out to be the first significant challenge to my sobriety, so in a way I feel like I owed him that much, to mourn his loss sober, like I did.
Rest in peace brother.
Rest in peace brother.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
That last post brught tears to my eyes. I think about the times I have been faced with an extreme situaiton like that one. Its happened only once. I was in the throws of addiction the whole time before it happened. And chose to go off the deep end there on out. But after a couple years it made me relize I dont want to face that same situaiton like that again. It would kill me to be like that when my grams leaves me. I cant be like this when she goes. I cant stay like this and have her never see me be anything more than this shell of a human being.
So you have inspired me today. I think our first reactions with something like that is to crumble and self destruct. Numb any and every feeling possible. OMG..You showed such strength. And selfless strength for your friend. I hope I can one day stay strong in the face of total sadness liek you have.
So you have inspired me today. I think our first reactions with something like that is to crumble and self destruct. Numb any and every feeling possible. OMG..You showed such strength. And selfless strength for your friend. I hope I can one day stay strong in the face of total sadness liek you have.
Karma Amputee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Thinking about his life and early death, I am reminded that one of the reasons I decided to quit drinking and get sober was the knowledge that if I were to have died suddenly like that while still active in my many addictions, I would have died so totally unexamined and unfulfilled and that is something I could not face the possibility of, even though I was on a death path and didn't really care much about myself at that time. The thought of a car crossing the center line and killing me instantly or dying young some other way before I had the chance to get sober and truly live, well...that scared me straight in a way. And his death reminds me that I made the best possible decision I could have made for myself and my loved ones. At least if I die now, I die on my feet fighting my addictions, not on my knees, a slave to them.
vicieux extraordinaire
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 205
Hello man, so sorry to hear about your loss.
The thread altogether is both moving and enlightening. I thank you for it.
You made an excellent point on your last post, that goes right into the realm of spirituality.
Not in a religious sense but in a self-sense. Life experiences and reflection
are the things that counts. Life as just an extension of life just for the f*ck sake of
surviving until you are 105 makes no sense to me. Fulfillment does make sense.
To experience the aesthetics. To experience self-knowledge. To experience misery, woe.
To experience true love, for anything. A person, a place or oneself.
To experience everything that life holds, in a meaningful way.
All the best for you and strength for these tough times.
The thread altogether is both moving and enlightening. I thank you for it.
You made an excellent point on your last post, that goes right into the realm of spirituality.
Not in a religious sense but in a self-sense. Life experiences and reflection
are the things that counts. Life as just an extension of life just for the f*ck sake of
surviving until you are 105 makes no sense to me. Fulfillment does make sense.
To experience the aesthetics. To experience self-knowledge. To experience misery, woe.
To experience true love, for anything. A person, a place or oneself.
To experience everything that life holds, in a meaningful way.
All the best for you and strength for these tough times.
Karma Amputee
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Originally Posted by AlkalikeH 
Hello man, so sorry to hear about your loss.
The thread altogether is both moving and enlightening. I thank you for it.
You made an excellent point on your last post, that goes right into the realm of spirituality.
Not in a religious sense but in a self-sense. Life experiences and reflection
are the things that counts. Life as just an extension of life just for the f*ck sake of
surviving until you are 105 makes no sense to me. Fulfillment does make sense.
To experience the aesthetics. To experience self-knowledge. To experience misery, woe.
To experience true love, for anything. A person, a place or oneself.
To experience everything that life holds, in a meaningful way.
All the best for you and strength for these tough times.
The thread altogether is both moving and enlightening. I thank you for it.
You made an excellent point on your last post, that goes right into the realm of spirituality.
Not in a religious sense but in a self-sense. Life experiences and reflection
are the things that counts. Life as just an extension of life just for the f*ck sake of
surviving until you are 105 makes no sense to me. Fulfillment does make sense.
To experience the aesthetics. To experience self-knowledge. To experience misery, woe.
To experience true love, for anything. A person, a place or oneself.
To experience everything that life holds, in a meaningful way.
All the best for you and strength for these tough times.
Thanks.
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