I'm finding I like silence....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
I'm finding I like silence....
Ladies and gents... I'm changing, slowly but surely I feel a difference. Has anyone been through this transition, and did it become noticeable and / or scarey???
I like silence- never did before. I always had to have music, t.v.... a person... etc. filling the room with noise.
I don't feel the need to 'go out' much anymore, when I do- it's just not quite the same.
When my abf is not here-- I kinda enjoy it. I don't 'miss' him when he is gone. (that concerns me)
I like doing things ALONE- going to the bookstore, coffee houses.... or just driving and listening to my music. Talking on the phone, when i want, with whom i want.... and on no uncertain terms otherwise.
When I'm working/ or at school, I used to 'wonder' when my abf was going to call and ask about my day.......... I don't care too much, or frankly even notice if he does call - or if he dosen't I don't 'wonder' why any more.
the abf was 'supposed' to 'quit' his pills again this weekend... it didn't bother me much at all.... (hardly even crossed my mind) that he didn't follow through... nor did I have a desire to ask him 'why' he choose not to do what he said.....
The abf is out with his son tonight, and I was soooo happy to come home to silence after bowling... (wheew, urgh... lol) with my son....there was no one here except him and I. I didn't have to listen to some nonsense on the t.v... there's no eyesore hanging on my couch. No one asked (the abf) me to "please get me a bowl of cereal".
The lack of intamacy 'used' to bother me... now if he falls asleep, I'm just as satisfied, because something has 'changed' for me when I'm with him.
School is my priortiy now - how I look is rather secondary. (don't get me wrong, i'm still such a girly-girl) but it's just 'different'.
I was with 'friends' Sat. night- mutual ones of me and the abf... and I realized, that after all these years.... (like 10) I find I'm an outsider looking in... I just don't feel like I 'fit', nor do I have the desire to.
Guys- what's wrong??? It's not that I'm just 'growing up' - god knows I'm looking at 40 (URGH) in 2wks.... Something is just changing for me. Has this happend to anyone, who deeply loved an addict? Did anyone ever just get to the point that I am.... where it ends up changing YOU..... (and frankly I feel for the better?)
Thoughs...
THanks,
Love,
Cess
I like silence- never did before. I always had to have music, t.v.... a person... etc. filling the room with noise.
I don't feel the need to 'go out' much anymore, when I do- it's just not quite the same.
When my abf is not here-- I kinda enjoy it. I don't 'miss' him when he is gone. (that concerns me)
I like doing things ALONE- going to the bookstore, coffee houses.... or just driving and listening to my music. Talking on the phone, when i want, with whom i want.... and on no uncertain terms otherwise.
When I'm working/ or at school, I used to 'wonder' when my abf was going to call and ask about my day.......... I don't care too much, or frankly even notice if he does call - or if he dosen't I don't 'wonder' why any more.
the abf was 'supposed' to 'quit' his pills again this weekend... it didn't bother me much at all.... (hardly even crossed my mind) that he didn't follow through... nor did I have a desire to ask him 'why' he choose not to do what he said.....
The abf is out with his son tonight, and I was soooo happy to come home to silence after bowling... (wheew, urgh... lol) with my son....there was no one here except him and I. I didn't have to listen to some nonsense on the t.v... there's no eyesore hanging on my couch. No one asked (the abf) me to "please get me a bowl of cereal".
The lack of intamacy 'used' to bother me... now if he falls asleep, I'm just as satisfied, because something has 'changed' for me when I'm with him.
School is my priortiy now - how I look is rather secondary. (don't get me wrong, i'm still such a girly-girl) but it's just 'different'.
I was with 'friends' Sat. night- mutual ones of me and the abf... and I realized, that after all these years.... (like 10) I find I'm an outsider looking in... I just don't feel like I 'fit', nor do I have the desire to.
Guys- what's wrong??? It's not that I'm just 'growing up' - god knows I'm looking at 40 (URGH) in 2wks.... Something is just changing for me. Has this happend to anyone, who deeply loved an addict? Did anyone ever just get to the point that I am.... where it ends up changing YOU..... (and frankly I feel for the better?)
Thoughs...
THanks,
Love,
Cess
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I'm absolutely going through that right now.
Once I decided to stop consuming myself with every move my alcoholic boyfriend made and put the focus on me and discovering what it is I want, I laugh more, I smile more, and I find fun in doing little things for myself.
Perfect example...I was reading an OT post that really made me laugh and I decided to head downstairs to get a drink before reading on. I was still giggling and kind of skipping down the stairs. My ABF came from the living room looking dejected (I guess feeling left out of the joke). He actually stopped me in my tracks because I had completely forgotten he was in the house. He must have realized that because he retreated back to the couch.
He has seen the change of focus in me and it has caused him to go through a range of behaviors. Overly nice behavior (trying to apologize I guess), snitty childish stuff (purposefully getting in my way and leaving messes where I can't avoid them, and now he's overly calm and cool about everything. I get a lot of "Hey, do you mind if I watch the news, if not, that's cool." (He'll ask when I'm headed out the door or in the other room. What's up with that) He is still in denial that he has even been drinking too much and still has trouble accepting I'm affected adversely by it.
I have been wondering if my serenity is leading him to believe everything is okay now.
Enjoy your serenity where you find it and see how your boyfriend responds.
Alice
Once I decided to stop consuming myself with every move my alcoholic boyfriend made and put the focus on me and discovering what it is I want, I laugh more, I smile more, and I find fun in doing little things for myself.
Perfect example...I was reading an OT post that really made me laugh and I decided to head downstairs to get a drink before reading on. I was still giggling and kind of skipping down the stairs. My ABF came from the living room looking dejected (I guess feeling left out of the joke). He actually stopped me in my tracks because I had completely forgotten he was in the house. He must have realized that because he retreated back to the couch.
He has seen the change of focus in me and it has caused him to go through a range of behaviors. Overly nice behavior (trying to apologize I guess), snitty childish stuff (purposefully getting in my way and leaving messes where I can't avoid them, and now he's overly calm and cool about everything. I get a lot of "Hey, do you mind if I watch the news, if not, that's cool." (He'll ask when I'm headed out the door or in the other room. What's up with that) He is still in denial that he has even been drinking too much and still has trouble accepting I'm affected adversely by it.
I have been wondering if my serenity is leading him to believe everything is okay now.
Enjoy your serenity where you find it and see how your boyfriend responds.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: australia
Posts: 26
I am finding the same thing.If any of you remember I was fretting and crying for the first few weeks my HB went to rehab and now I am kind of dreading him leaving!He leaves in about 3 weeks and as much as I have missed him I have also gotten used to me and my company and guess what????I like it and me !!Who would have thought!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 409
Yes......I don't know if it was because i was in a relationship with an alcoholic at the time, or because I have just turned 40 in December , but I went through ther exact same changes. In fact, I could have WRITTEN your post!
It's all good. BTW, I left the alkie almost two years ago, and never looked back.
It's all good. BTW, I left the alkie almost two years ago, and never looked back.
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