timetogo

AARRRGGHHH! I can't seem to shake this horrible anxiety today. You see, it is my AH's 45th birthday. I have shared his past 27 birthdays and it felt ok to text him a very short birthday wish. He has moved out 3 weeks ago.

The source of my anxiety tonight is that he has arranged to meet my two daughters (16 & 18) for dinner with their boyfriends. He went to work today because my daughter stayed overnight last night and she told me. He can't drive (dui's), yet told my daughters he would get his own ride to the restaurant. That put red flags up for me big time.

Now I KNOW I can't control him. I KNOW they are almost adults, can deal with it, can leave if he shows up drunk, or not at all. I KNOW I can't control any of it. And I really don't want to. I just don't want him to hurt the girls. I know that that is out of my control as well. That I can't do anything about it and that they are "safe" because they have their own vehicles and ways to escape.

I am trying realllllyyyyy hard not to text them just to make sure they are ok. Why can't I shake this? Just when I think I'm doing so well -- codieness rears it's ugly head! Help -- be brutal please!!!

Laurie

Freedom1990

I see nothing wrong with checking on your own daughters. I guess if someone wants to flog me for that response, then so be it!

dorton

There is no point in sitting around worrying about your daughters. Text them that is just being a mom.

timetogo

I did text them and they are fine -- thank you for helping me sort out what is being a mom and what is being overly codie -- it is sometimes confusing. I don't want to interfere with their relationship with their dad -- he loves them to pieces as they do him. I just WORRY A LOT and often unnecessarily -- it's just what I have come to learn -- waiting for the next shoe to drop. I'm working on it and it is getting better but sometimes, it just takes over me!

thanks again!

timetogo

They were "fine" when they visited their father but it was an interested 24 hours.

When I talked to my daughter this morning, she said her father was going to Toronto (2.5 hours away) to see a Leaf's game. She said he could drop her off on the way (I wondered how because he doesn't drive). He did but I was in the shower when he came. Now usually I don't ask things when she stays there (and wish I hadn't of) but I asked who he was going to the city with. She said Jo -- I said, Oh, I don't think I know a Jo. She clarified and said that she was "jo ann".

Now I know this relationship is over -- I was expecting him to hook up with someone eventually but should it not take a little more than 3 weeks (he moved out three weeks ago) to be with someone else? She joined them for dinner as well.

I do know who this woman is. She does not have a great reputation where my husband works -- none of the wives of the men who work there have anything nice to say about her. It is constantly rumoured that she has broken many a marriages up -- all hearsay, gossip I know. But it still hurts. I was one of the only wives who would talk with her, give her the time of day at company functions. I can't help but think that this has been going on for some time now.

I know that I don't want him any more. I know that he will become her problem. I know I can't control what he does. But I can't help but be very very hurt. It was a 27 year relationship. Even if mr perfect fell into my lap today, I wouldn't put my kids or myself through that right now. They were just getting used to their dad being gone. He is such a liar and a cheat. And she is no better (if you read my other post about my hell day, I was told that my husband had had an affair a while back).

When I reread this post, I seem so needy, childish and whiny. But it really hurts. I want to move forward and just deal with business only with him but I know myself. It will be very difficult to not appear "bothered" (just like I am) to him. Please remind me why I shouldn't spend so much of my time on this!

Serenity Bound

ttg, My only comment is that now you can get on with your own life. You know in your heart of hearts that You are way better off without him. So I say do something really selfish, something just for YOU!! I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, however don't let it (him) control your thoughts.

Hugs,
Chris

kj3880

Oh dear, this is hard to deal with, isn't it? I've been through this one. You know it's better in the long run, because it clarifies things, but it still is very tough to feel the feelings you get when someone you love moves on this quickly. The only positive thing is that it helps us to become "unstuck." Still feels bad though. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You aren't crazy for feeling this way now. It'll take some time to grieve and heal. Allow yourself to do this without being impatient and you'll come out the other end stronger. Don't beat yourself up for feeling down for a while. Only natural.
:ghug3
Love,
KJ