amirose

I am wondering, do other addicts struggle as much as I am with not drinking alcohol??

I KNOW it is a "drug" too. Why am I still battling this in my mind?

I am on day 16 clean and sober (been going to AA mtgs and found a sponsor this time!), now I want to surrender and find peace. For some reason it is much easier for me to admit powerlessness over the pills. They are what took me down...I don't associate them with drinking or partying,however. Is this why I am struggling?

Can anyone help with this???

amirose

Has anyone else felt like this or just have some insight?

Nallabelle

Hi! I dont totally understand your post but I will comment anyway. I am addicted to pills but still drink alcohol. I dont feel there is any reason I should stop drinking alcohol either. It has never been a problem for me to drink in moderation- maybe twice a month.
If its harder for you to deal with the alcohol addiction maybe its because alcohol is legal and more accepted...? Or maybe you have a drinking problem that you havent delt with..? Just some ideas- im sure others will have better advice.

emmer

I agree with alot of what Nallebelle said, sept with the idea of drinking. I am an addict and hate booze. I have drank maybe 3 bottles in the last 20 years.

though, this is where the problem lies.......

I can't control (solid form dope) so what makes me think I can control (liquid form dope) ?

I've slammed down whole bottles of cough syrup, many times, so how close am i to slammin down a bottle of ________ many times over????

Millions of addicts have tried sticking to only booze, and millions have relapsed .........................some right into the grave.

Missybuns

I know I did the "it's legal and I don't have a problem" dance for maybe...6 months or so before I stopped everything including alcohol. Alcohol was not my drug of choice but it is the last drug I used.

It's not what or how much I use....its why. I had to get deeply honest about what being an addict means for me. It means my addiction is active if I am using ANY mind or mood altering substance.

Using drugs (including alcohol) is a symptom of my problem and not the nature of it.

Keep questioning...keep probing for the truth!

Any addict can stop using drugs (including alcohol), lose the desire to use and find a new way to live.

I promise there is freedom in becoming totally abstinent.

Sincerely,
Missy

sailorjohn

I prefer the NA/CA approach to this. Something along the lines of stuffing/numbing our feelings for such a very long time, we really can't afford to use anything to avoid those feelings. And using the alcohol as a substitute for our doc, which is common. If you go to the individual websites, you'll find references there, and some other good reasons for refraining from any mind-altering substances. A last thought, it's very easy to get 'me toos' in a place like this-folks telling us what we want to hear.

Nallabelle

I am not saying using alcohol is ok, all I am saying is that I have never been addicted to it. The only thing I have ever been addicted to is pain killers. Does that mean I couldnt get addicted to alcohol? Of course I can. Im sure statistics prove that being addicted to one substance puts you at a much higher risk to getting addicted to another. Its just not an issue for me.

Missybuns

it's called a reservation

Timebuster

Its your addict mind saying to you….how can I get this girl to start using again… I know I’ll make her think its ok to drink and then…POW… I got you.

Keep coming back, it works if you work it.

Ivan

amirose

What you guys are saying makes sense...I need to learn to deal with life in a healthy way without changing the way I feel chemically. This is what we were taught at rehab....but then I thought being a pill addict, not party drinker-maybe my case was DIFFERENT. (UGHH, I know!)

I have relapsed and I'm not sure what role alcohol played in that. I don't crave alcohol when I use pills or vice versa, but maybe it's a mindset?? Maybe I should be going to NA where I will meet more addicts. There are so many great people at the AA group I've been going to, and the atmosphere is very positive... a lot of happy, joyous and free people that stay on topic. I just feel kind of funny even saying I'm an alcoholic and becoming a part of the group--when I'm thinking I'm probably a "potential" alcoholic but a bonafide addict!!!

Thanks everyone for your help.

christin1225

At this moment, I wish that I were Nallabelle because I understand your post perfectly, Amirose.

You've already received some really great replies. You may get something out of reading my blog, Addict AND Alcoholic?

I'm struggling to admit any real problem with alcohol. Oddly enough, alcohol has been a non-issue for me for eighteen years (I quit drinking and never cared about drinking again). Suddenly, though, it's become a HUGE issue! I feel trapped and I want to argue that I've been able to handle alcohol in the past. I've done some really stupid things while drinking, but I wasn't trying to control it.

It was never like it was with the pills. When I tried to cut down on the pills, I failed. I obsessed about my pills. I stopped taking my pills and I crave. I've never been physically dependent on alcohol... only on the pills.

I was trying to make this argument to myself by way of making it to another SR member today. As I was typing, I realized that when I thought about drinking, I thought about being alone while I drank and being able to numb -- just like I could do with my oxys. I don't want to drink so much to be social, but to have the mind-altering benefits of it. I have to be honest with you, my struggle with this is really fresh right now. I feel trapped.

You may not be able to identify with how I am feeling and you may want to drink more to be social than anything. All that really doesn't matter. The argument that you're hearing yourself make in regard to you, an addict, being able to safely consume a mind-altering substance is a reservation. Reservations are a product of your addiction and, remember, your addiction will use whatever reasoning will most get you to follow its lead.

Freedom1990

I had no doubt certain drugs were a problem for me when I first got clean and sober. However, I wasn't so sure about alcohol, but had watched my then husband relapse on meth and whiskey straight out of rehab, and it scared me enough to keep an open mind to the alcohol thing.

I relapsed after 4 years on alcohol.

Today there are no reservations in my mind that I can not safely consume alcohol either.

bostonluv

I had the same but (flipped) way of thinking about seven (7) months ago in July 2008. I was using vicodin and drinking too much. My drinking was bringing me down hard and fast but the vicodin didn't seem to affect my life negatively. In fact, I believed the opposite. 7 months has gone by and now my drinking is "under control" pretty much but my little vicodin habit has turned into a full blown oxy habit. I just switched my drug of choice. From one to the other, which I was greatly warned about on here but didn't want to listen to. This has been my personal experience and I wanted to share it. It may not be so with others but this is what I am learning as I go. I very much wish I could have just learned from other peoples mistakes instead proving them right. It is what it is. God bless......

windysan

Oh my lawit, not this topic again. Yes, I drink and have absolutely no problems with it (insert denial comments here).

If early in your non-doping I recommend that you don't drink.

I wish you SuperMegaLuckOfTheBuddha

bval

All I know is that today I'm not gonna drink.

It's just not worth the risks involved.

Plus, alcohol is a cheap, dirty, crappy buzz anyways.

Latte

I don't like the taste of alcohol just the feeling it gives me. Today I just don't drink or use drugs, period. I don't work anyone else's program. If Windy is okay with drinking I don't worry about it. I keep my side of the street clean.

I wish you strength.

navysteve

Well my problem wasn't drugs or alcohol, they were symptoms of something much bigger. They were my solution. To say I have problems with this drug but not that is incorrect ( for me) because I did not have a drug problem, I am an addict.

Emimily

i'm with steve (surprise surprise!), chasin a buzz is chasin a buzz is chasin a buzz... i'm not a pillhound per se, but i've got no doubt i'd be a pillhound given the right op. if you're worried about it, best to just stick to grape juice and work those steps (you mentioned AA, so that's why i say that) and take it easy.

just my opinion. good luck!

jimhere

The real question to ask is are you alcoholic? Can you control the amount you drink once you start?

I agree with what has been said, you may be obseessing with "feeling better," rather than with drinking alcohol. For an alcoholic, the obsession to drink is really just a self-obsession anyway. The non-alcoholic addict can still be obsessed with having to feel better, and maybe if booze wasn't really your problem into believing that you can get away with it.

But, is it worth the risk? Even if you can take or leave alcohol, it could take you back to what you are really powerless over. I've seen it happen to a lot of people. Seen it happen to alcoholics who though they could do a little oxy or vicoden. I've seen it happen to addicts who thought that a few beers wouldn't hurt.
Jim

windysan

The AA Big Book says to do some "controlled drinking" if you think you might be a akaholic. If you can drink one or two and walk away then the Big Book says you prolly ain't a akaholic.