Toomutch

I am feeling terrified right now about my physical and mental health. I am so depressed, and in so much pain. I have only left my house once since last Tuesday and that was to go get my puupy from the vet's. I couldn't even make my womens bible study, let alone go to Pilates.
My hands and feet and the sides of my checks don't have the burning feeling anymore. Now they feel like pins and needles. My lower leg went completely numb earlier and I am so fatigued and have blurriness in my left eye.
It is hard for me to imagine living like this any longer, yet I know I will. I have been in fairly constant pain for over a year now. I can't work anymore and we are stuggling financially. My husband has to take himself and my step sons off our insurance. Intill our deductable is met we can barely pay for all my meds. Fortunately my kids from my first marriage are coverd by their dad's insurance.
I really do feel so extremely worthless right now. I just cried in front of my 15 years old daughter, weighing her down with the burden's of my life. How dare me!!! I am at the point again that I really don't want to go on anymore with this life. I do absolutely nothing for anyone. Yeah I'm sober, but that isn't everything.

Sorry that I am once again being a big fat downer.

SoberforME

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm not in the loop with what all is going on with you, but my thoughts are with you.

Astro

I'm sorry to hear you're in pain Suzette, and that life is so difficult right now. No, being sober ain't everything, but I can't help but feel that the alternative is much, much worse. That usually keeps me sober through any of the bumpy times.

I pray for your health and wish only the best for you and your family.

Mariposa18

I'm sorry you are hurting so badly Suz I know nothing I say can take away your pain but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dee74

I can't put it any better than Astro, Suzette.

Fair or not, some of us have challenges to meet - we have to do that to the best of our ability...and for us at least that means staying sober. A little respite would be nice but that's not the way to get it. I think we've both proved that.

I hope you're checking out as much information and advice as you're able - sometimes that second or third opinion brings a different angle about treatment or management

D

Impurrfect

(((Suzette)))

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. I wish I could DO something, but all I know to do is send extra hugs and prayers. My dad had to cancel my stepmom's insurance for the same reason...money. One of the main reasons I KEEP my job is to keep insurance. It's really pitiful that our well-being is all about money and business.

If it makes you feel any better, I came home, the other night, and vented to my 15-year-old niece about my work problems. When I'm not wanting to duct tape her mouth and send her off to a deserted island, she's my little buddy and it was nice to have her there for me. Don't feel bad about unloading on your daughter....it's better she knows what's going on with you, than letting her imagination run rampant.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

snowdog

Too... I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain! Has your condition been diagnosed? Is it fibromyalgia? I wish I had words of comfort to offer you.. the only thing I can say is, as bad as it is... it would only be worse if you were drinking or using.

you are in my prayers!

Mattcake

I'm sorry you're suffering and in pain, Suzette.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toomutch

I am at the point again that I really don't want to go on anymore with this life. I do absolutely nothing for anyone. Yeah I'm sober, but that isn't everything.

I beg to differ. You do a lot for people who need encouragement and kindness here in SR

I don't think that being sober is all there is to life. In fact, it's easy to forget that sobriety is just the starting point for many of us. Yes, you've been in recovery for quite a while now, but maybe you just need more time to get your life back, and to rebuild a wholly positive outlook.

Regarding your financial difficulties... Remember that "this too shall pass". You are a caring person, you have a loving family and people who care for you. That's all that really matters in the long run. I'm not trying to minimize your current problems, I'm just trying to uncover a different perspective.

As for breaking down in front of your daughter... Don't be hard on yourself! It shows that you are human, after all, and that you need a bit of extra support at the moment. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Anna

Suzette,

Physical pain that is unrelenting, is the worst. I am sorry that you're not feeling better.

Is there anything else you can do as far as finding a way to help with the pain? What does your dr tell you?

I'm glad that you come here and post and please know that you are not alone.

Toomutch

All the Doctors have ever said about my physical health is that I had fibromyalgia, IBS and delayed gastric emptying. With these new sypmtoms I'm afraid I have something more than fibro. I can't go to the doctor as we are scraping to find enough money to pay for my husbands small business quarterly taxes. I'm insured but we have to meet a $4000 deductable before insurance starts paying.

I am beginning to think rationally again and am not quite as down as I was earlier. I just have to remember that there are millions of people out there with bigger problems. Im sorry for the ramble earlier, sometimes I just get caugt up in my own little world.

Astro

You're entitled to that. Heck, we all are! The goal is to not drink or use over it.

Hevyn

Don't be sorry for sharing your pain with us. We need to be able to share ours with you when the time comes. It's all part of being a family. Dee once reminded me not to wait until after I relapsed to share my misery - to do it before things reach the crisis stage. I agree, you help out here so much Suz - how can you be worthless? Sending love.

adore79

Suz, you are beautiful and you deserve happiness in all things. I really hope and pray that it comes to you soon. It always brightens my day when I see you have posted, even if it is about how you are struggling, because I love you and I know things will work out as long as you keep reaching out and keep getting through the day. Good things will come, just keep waiting please. big hugs!

nickishine

:prayingJust want to bottle it all up "in a bottle" and sink it to the lowest depths of the ocean for ya!

Truly, this has got to be hard (what an understatement)!!!!

I WILL keep praying for you on my end, Suz! :praying

least

I am sorry you are having such trouble. You are not worthless. I love ya!:ghug3

Toomutch

I certainly do feel cared for around here...

shaun00

If only i had a "wellbeing" arrow to fire across the atlantic.......

I have no answers........i only wish i did.

I wanted to you too know you are on my prayer list.....

I also wanted you to know you are surrounded by friends here that care.

God give you peace....................trucker

jowinbo

i wish i could help in some way? it is awful to be in pain! you are such a wonderful person and i enjoy your post so much! they are uplifting, thank you!

i will pray for you and hope you feel better soon!

:ghug