CoF1984

Well, I'm not completely sure if I'm alone on this or others have similar experiences or not. But, I've found since quitting drinking I'm afraid/can't stand to be around people, even people I've known my whole life. I've found myself for the most part locking myself in my room completely alone and having as little contact with people as possible. The most I really deal with people is only when I have no choice or no way out. I haven't been to a Dr. to talk about this considering I don't exactly trust Dr.s and figure they'll fill my head with a bunch of b.s. and won't know half of what they're talking about.

I guess I'm wondering if there is anyone else who tends to avoid and type of social situations even if it involves people you've known for great lengths of time. I'm not sure if this is just a temporary problem that will pass if it is something that I'll have to live with and learn how to deal with. And I am starting to feel like I'm all alone with this wanting to be "anti-social" type thing. Thanks for letting me share. And any advice or info someone might have would be greatly appreciated.
Wes

hadit

Hey CoF,

I'm getting this too. Back in "the day" hanging out with friends was great, now I find myself isolating plenty. My family and I have a small house so i hide out in the shed (projects ya know) or I isolate on the computer.

The other day a friend dropped by unexpectedly, when I looked out the window and saw who it was, it was like a bomb going off.. I just wanted to dig out. Not only to be by myself, but it seems that suprises are too much as well.

I don't know why this is, nerves / feelings coming back after being numbed for so long?? Maybe a need to rest and recoup after the alki rollercoaster??
I wish I knew. I'm glad you posted, maybe someone has an answer. Thanks!

24hrsAday

i was talking with my (not sober) brother the other day at his new home.. it was a really odd feeling.. i'm over two years sober now and still from time to time my feelings can catch me off guard. the only way i can describe the feeling was it was a bad feeling.. and i honestly do not know why!

ChangeIsHard

it sounds like it may have been anxiety. I have social anxiety, and wanted to say to CoF and all others who have responded in this thread, you should check out the "social phobia" thread. Maybe alcohol was an easy social tool for you guys - maybe you can't hide behind that anymore and you now feel more 'exposed' in interactions. Maybe you need to boost your self esteem and confidence. I was recently talking to my Alcoholic Ex boyfriend (now 1 year sober) and as i was telling him about my social anxiety and the support meetings i've been going to, he really seemed to 'get it', and had a lot of the same feelings. I was also recently talking to an active alcoholic friend who said the same - that she has trouble being around people she doesn't know. I sometimes wonder if there is a link between the two. Maybe social anxiety is just more common than we think.

Sometimes I am very anxious around close family members, like my brother. I cant help it. Sometimes people with social anxiety feel more anxious the closer they get to people. Everyone's experience is different. But the good news is there is help for it - i would do as much research on social anxiety/phobia as you can, and look into CBT. Also, many of the 'therapies' designed for people with SA can be done by yourself.

Hang in there and take care of yourself. You are not alone.
If anyone wants to talk further about it, feel free to PM me. I'm new in my social anxiety recovery and am just learning myself!

nandm

I and several other people I know in recovery have been through a very similiar experience to what you describe. I spent so many years dealing with people mainly with alcohol in my system that the thought of being around people when I did not have it in me was hard. I spent the first year of sobriety isolating from family and many people I had known for years. I did make sure that I attended AA meetings though which helped me to learn how to deal with people from a sober perspective. Today it is better. Give it some time...if you are using AA make sure you are going to meetings, get a sponsor, come early and stay late, do the steps, and read the book. All of those things will help what is going on pass. If you find it isn't you might consider talking with your physician. Take care and hang in there it does get better.

CoF1984

I appreciate all the feedback here. I know when I started drinking heavily I started dealing less and less with people because I was embarassed by how much I drink, so I'm not sure if I did that so much that it became a habit to be alone and anti-social, but when I did deal with people I needed to drink to feel comfortable around people. Which was sad because I had to get a buzz from drinking just to go to church and not be scared of people.

Going to my AA meetings here over the past few weeks seem to help me learn how to be social while sober. I think if I can find a free or low income health clinic I might try to talk to someone just for an outside opinion from the medical field on the matter, but I'm hoping to overcome this without medical help. I seem to be doing a little better, but not much.

And once again I truly appreciate all the feedback here. It's been a big help.
Wes

MsChief

I'm so glad I looked at this section. I have been suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and I am now agorophobic. I am 10 years sober next month and up until about 2 years ago I was active in AA, I worked in a rehab and had a wonderful social life. I believed that the AA program would set me free and was disappointed when the fear returned. However, upon reflection, not attending AA meetings, because of my job, was the start of my dark period. Last week I went to a meeting accompanied by my wonderful sponsor and I can now see light at the end of the tunnel. Finding this forum has already helped also. I wish you love, peace and laughter.

Astro

Good to see you posting in this forum MsC! Most of all, I'm happy to hear you've made it back to meetings. I just keep going to them, and truly appreciate the light they shed on the dark moments in my life.

scott

I exhibited agoraphobic behavior like you are describing after getting clean for about 3 months. I found exposure therapy to be extremely effective. It was intense though but helped me to get over that phobia pretty quick.

CoF1984

Not sure what agoraphobia is. It would be greatly apreciated if someone could shed some light please? And thank you.
Wes

scott

The word "agoraphobia" is an English adaptation of the Greek words agora (αγορά) and phobos (φόβος), and literally translates to "a fear of the marketplace."

Agoraphobia is a condition where the sufferer becomes anxious in environments that are unfamiliar or where he or she perceives that they have little control. Triggers for this anxiety may include wide open spaces, crowds, or traveling (even short distances). This anxiety is often compounded by a fear of social embarrassment, as the agoraphobic fears the onset of a panic attack and appearing distraught in public.

Agoraphobics may experience panic attacks in situations where they feel trapped, insecure, out of control or too far from their personal comfort zone. In severe cases, an agoraphobic may be confined to his or her home. Many people with agoraphobia are comfortable seeing visitors in a defined space they feel they can control. Such people may live for years without leaving their homes, while happily seeing visitors in and working from their personal safety zones. If the agoraphobic leaves his or her safety zone, they may experience a panic attack.

least

I've been having severe anxiety and depression lately. I don't want to go anywhere or be around anyone. I isolate to a harmful degree, but can't seem to force myself to leave the house much except to walk my dogs.

jamdls

Since becoming sober 18 months ago I have become a total recluse. I completely cut off "friendships" with drinking buddies. I really don't leave home except to work, walk my dog, or get food, and usually once a month I see my daughter. I rarely talk with anyone about anything other than business at work and I don't like talking on the phone at home and mostly don't answer when it rings. Truth is I've always been a loner though, I was able to be with people when I drank but the last few years I drank I did so mainly at home alone. Now that I am sober I accept myself and love myself the way I am and the way I am is a loner, m ostly I just want people to leave me alone.
One of my sisters is in town on business today (I have no family in my state), she wanted to get together for dinner tonight and where she is staying is about 30 miles away. I told her I am not comfortable driving at night which is true and that my comfort zone is within 5 miles of my home during the daylight. So in other words I was telling I wasn't interested in getting together (we were never close). So this morning I get an email from her and she said she would rent a car to come to my part of town so we could have dinner. She obviously didn't get it. I emailed her back and said I thought that was wasting $ to rent a car just to go to dinner but that I would be home if she wanted to stop by. On the one hand she's being nice, but I don't want to see her! She has been critical of me my entire life (we used to talk a few times a year), heck when I was in the hospital and finally accepted that I was an alcoholic and told her on the phone she started bombarding me with questions like "what are you going to do" "what are your plans" and I'd only been told a few hours before that I was going to live...sheesh People think something is wrong with me because I don't need to be with other people. Heck I enjoy my own company! deal with it.
sorry for the rant

J

scott

I believe I have conquered what you are describing. I did it by "exposing" myself at places like Walmart, the mall, the park, etc. Places where I used to not be caught dead at. By timing my exposure and continually increasing my time limit, I am now stable enough to stay out at these places. I would talk to strangers, ask them how they're doing etc. a little bit at a time slowly increasing my socializing as well at a good pace so as to now fall into a "comfort zone". After 2 short months of this I am golden to go out and do whatever I want. I STRONGLY encourage you all to try this as being inside is NO WAY to live your life.

Btw, I have an engagement with a lady friend next weekend finally after being locked up all winter. I can't wait.

I forgot to add:

If you cannot even manage doing what I have described i believe you should see a doctor. Perhaps some anxiety medication is needed in order for you to be able to participate in some sort of therapy. Just my .02.

MsChief

Just wanted to let you know that I went to a meeting, in the evening (and it was dark), on my own on Thursday and will be going again tomorrow night.

I have decided it is time for me to start loving and forgiving myself and try to help myself. Doing something you really don't want to do helps sometimes.

Thanks everyone for your help.

:ghug

GailJ

I didn't realize just how many of us alchie's had the same symptoms of anxiety. Someone should write a paper on it. After my sons incarceration and my rape three yrs ago I was extreamly agorophobic and drank more heavily than ever. The PTSD was terrible, think the drinking was a way to return to the state when I couldn't remember or face the past abuses. Of course we all know now that doesn't work and only makes it much worse, anger outbursts of irrationalization, or hours of uncontrolable paranoia or crying. In my case watch out for that fourth beer, It's a whopper.
I wonder how many of us before we were alcoholics were loners and reclusives as a form of self protection. Dressing poorly trying to stay invisible. I'm a lot braver now than I used to be yet I still fear being out in the open too long. Start looking for people who have cause or will hurt me. Being sober really makes you have to face a lot about yourself emotionally and pshysically. A lot like a child who has to parent themselves and learn how to behave in normal society.

P.S. posting a real current pic on here took a big step of bravery and trust in the people here. Thanks to Scott for reminding me about that one. I still think I'm ugly but that will fade too in time.
Past abuses and haunts can be overcome.