MrsT32

So after a weekend of partying hubby and I come home with a large rock and a gram. We work together - he goes out and I handle the admin etc from home - and I have not been able to resist shaving away at the supply over the last two days. As a matter of fact I am a bit wired as I type this thread!! Last night I lay in bed waiting for my heart to stop racing and I had a crystal clear thought over the buzzing in my head and the roaring of my heart: What am I doing this to myself for? I am going to lose my husband and God knows how I will end up after that. I am married to a gem of a guy and its true that we do party together but he can pretty much take it or leave it whereas I fit the classic mold of an addict (whatever that is). I used to smoke a sh!tload of pot before we went overseas (luckily that has calmed down a LOT) but I am in and out of AA as well and my husband has already told me he does not see a future for us unless I stop drinking. He unfortunately does not see alcoholism as a disease, but as a matter of will power, which I suppose makes him not such a gem in those instances!)

The drinking is not as bad as it seems - or as it used to be - when we were overseas and I was in between jobs I would be at home, sans vehicle and I would drink whatever was in the house (even if I hated it, ie beer, tequila - ick!) to get me through the day. I have managed to slow it down to the point where the craving only hits me once in a while. Sometimes I can resist it, sometimes not.

I know that hubby and I should not be doing this at all and we are old enough to be more responsible maybe. I am just so scared that this has suddenly become a problem for me (I never saw cocaine as an addictive drug, we always did it, handled the sniffles etc and didnt think or bother about it again until the next time. We lived in Dubai for 4 years for heaven sakes! Its the most drug free city in the world!! I am just really grateful that we do not have a constant supply of cocaine in the house and I always have the Serenity Prayer to fall back on if nothing else!

lostbutterfly

I had to come say hello. I'm from Jo'burg, grew up there! Moved from Zimbabwe in '79, then went down to Cape Town in 1990. How are things over there? My family still live in Jo'burg and Pretoria.

Anyway, you came here for help. I could take or leave cocaine, but I don't think it would have stayed that way if I had done it more. There were just other drugs I preferred and kept my money for.

I'm also an alkie, last drink on the 8th December 08. Welcome to SR, the others will be here to give you help soon. Just had to say hi when I saw where you came from!

LBx

tommyk

You are truly on the road to ruin but you realize it.

Accept your warning thoughts as a cherished gift.

Don't waste the opportunity to stop using BEFORE it wrecks you completely.