BackToMe

Hi everyone,
I think it would be helpful for me to go to a meeting. All I can find is Al-Anon.
I have always been rather shy and have difficulty walking into new places alone. I guess I am just looking for some encouragement & meeting details that would help me get the nerve to attend. Thanks,

BayAreaPhoenix

I am betting you will be pleasantly surprised at how easy it will be to walk in that door. Like Anvil reminded you, they're all there for similar reasons and are in your same boat.

Keep putting one step in front of the other and you'll be in that door in no time!

(((hugs)))

Good luck!

BackToMe

Hi again,
I just wanted to thank the both of you for responding and say "almost made it, but not quite". I walked down there and circled the block but couldn't make myself go in! No surprise to me. No fear though, I WILL go in someday soon. Hopefully before anything changes/gets worse.

Another question:
For a first meeting would you recommend one that is a step study or a general meeting?

Thanks again,

livingalie

Make that leap, BackToMe.

It's trusting in that meeting. They are all in support of you and I'm sure you will see it from the moment you do walk in the door.

One foot in front of the other... you can do it. It took me a while to walk into my first meeting. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and started walking. Of course, I would not recommend the closing the eyes thing while walking cause I walked into the door instead of through it.

But you can do it. Trust in that.

fluer

Hey backtome,

I feel ya, I am in a similiar spot. I have looked for ACOA groups but they are few in far between. I am thinking Al-anon will be just as good though, and better than nothing. I don't know why new things(and people) feel so scary, but they do, even if they are good. I think I have this vision of an already tightly bonded group and am afraid of being the new outsider that shows up. "Will they like me?", "Will I like them?", "Will it be relevant to my needs?", and so on... I have made a decsion to go to one this sunday come hell or highwater! So, I will let you know how it goes. I know I can do this, and I know you can too. Sometimes we have to wait till we are ready, but if you went as far as driving there I think it's a good indication you are. You just need that extra little push. So, I will push you if you push me?! Lol! Let us know! YOU CAN DO IT!

Much love-:ghug3

fluer

Oh, and thanks for your post!

livingalie

The fear of the unknown usually prevents us from doing things, even though they are in our best interest.

There have been many times that I did not do things that I knew were best just because I did not know what lie on the other side.

That's where a leap of faith and trust in the good comes into play. Taking the first step is always hardest but in most cases, necessary.

I think of new things like a job interview. I'm nervous, scared, and worried, but I still go. I don't know the outcome, but I want to take the chance on it being in my favor...so I go.

wuzzled

I was scared to death when I went to my first Al-Anon meeting, almost turned the car around and went back home. Then I told myself, YOU HAVE TO DO THIS, NO MATTER WHAT! I parked my car, got out, walked in, thought I was gonna die, and was immediately greeted by this nice lady. She made me feel welcome and loved all in one minute! I have not regretted going a single time. Sometimes, I can't wait til the next weeks meeting.

You will find what you need there! :ghug

greeteachday

I don't think I know anyone who wasn't scared walking into the first meeting. I do know I don't know anyone who went and said...it was horrible, they stared at me, they made me feel unwelcome, they threw things at me, lol.

I think I found it scary because it was really acknowledging I had a problem and need edsome support. I'm not sure now why that was so scary. I've been going to meetings for 3 years now...I no longer have active addiction in my life, but I still go because it has become a safe, loving palce to just be me and no one judges. How cool is that?

Step meetings may be a little confusing at first, so a general meeting, if you find one, may be the better first choice. But as Anvil said, any meeting is a good one!
They say try 6 meetings before you decide if it is the place for you...that can be 6 different meetings or 6 the same or whatever you want. I went to a few different meetings...they were good, but I just didn't feel that connection right away. I was like Goldilocks - one too big, one too small...I kept going til I found "just right." I imagine if I stayed at the first one I went to, in time I would have felt the connection, but when I walked into the room of my Naranon home group, I really just felt the peace.

You don't have to share if you don't want to. They will ask you your first name but if you don't want to say anything else, that's okay. And don't worry if suddenly out of the blue you get tearful...almost everyone does the first time (or 20, lol depending on your personality) I think it is just the relief of knowing people understand. Before you know it, like others in the rooms, you will smile and even laugh.

Let us know how you make out Backtome...and Fluer too! Hugs

fluer

Thanks greeteachday.

I appreciate hearing your experience and words of encouragement!

I am soo bummed I had planned on going to a meeting this morning(had the mapquest directions and everything!), but I ended up sleeping in too late! Ugh! I am trying not to beat myself up about it but I feel really disappointed in myself. Would you suggest I just go to one tonight even if it seems like less of a good fit, or wait till tomorrow and go to one that would more likely suit my needs? Just curious what you think and love other's opinions, it helps me know better what I think,feel and need.

Thanks so much. Backtome..have you made it to one yet?

Much love

BackToMe

Thanks everyone for your kind replies and encouragement; it's nice to know they won't eat me and that walking INTO the door thing is SO like me!!

I probably find it hard to walk in for both reasons - my shyness and that it means admitting what a mess I'm a part of.

I haven't gone yet. The evening meetings are an hour's drive away and I would need a sitter. So, I'm looking at the 2 noon meetings because I can go while I'm at work. There's one Monday, so wish me luck.

Also, it's great to see someone else with similar concerns getting helped by my post.

Wishing you all the best,

catlovermi

Y'know, you can call your local Alanon number, tell the phone person which meeting you would like to attend, and ask them to help you connect with one Alanon person ahead of time whom you could meet one-on-one, then who could go with you to the meeting. Or, you can take a friend along, too. I find that sometimes a transitional person helps me past that shyness barrier that I might not otherwise surmount.

I like to say that pretty much nobody enters an Alanon meeting the very first time in good shape. Everyone there in the meeting clearly remembers how hard things were for them at the time they first walked into the door.

CLMI

imallright

Getting in the door is the hard part. Sometimes it's tough to sit in the room too, but always you will walk away knowing you did the right thing for you. IMO, the first few times can be a bit overwhelming... but this is change and growth and sometimes that hurts a bit.

Just go. Do it for you. You are soooo worth it!

fluer

So funny! Life can be so crazy busy! Hi backtome I am just checkin back in and wanted you to know that last week I finally did it, I went to an ACOA meeting! What is hilarious to me is that it was well over a month ago when I thought I might have been ready(technically alot longer than that).

I wanted to thank you again for your post, and also wanted to encourage you. The day I finally went I had no idea it was going to be the day. I had kept looking online at meeting places and times, and gathering directions for ones that interested me. Each day kept going by, and it just was not the day. Finally I woke up on a sunday and just knew that I could do it that day, I was ready. My friend tells me all the time to not be so hard on myself and encourages me that when I have the energy and time I will do the things I long to do. He says until then just relax and be where I am at. Everytime he says that I think he is crazy, but he is right! It was so nice not to force myself into something I just wasn't ready for. It was so nice to wait on myself and to go when (for whatever the reason) I knew I should.

The meeting was great! I was nervous, but things just worked out. The group went around in a circle and I was the second person who was allowed to speak on the topic....I thought oh s--- I am not quite prepared for this. But I decided I did not want to pass my turn, and took a deep breath and just shared. It felt so good. Of course you can not identify with everyone there, but i was suprised how much that did not seem to matter. The people you can identify with are a godsent and the other's I just loved and respected for being there and being vulnerable. I do not know when your day will come, but I know it will be good when it does. Just be kind to yourself and wait on the day you are ready.

Much love

BackToMe

I just noticed fluer's post and wanted to check in. I lurk a lot while at work but don't get much chance to post.
Everyone's responses with the "thoughtful-yet-very-amusing" responses have been a great encouragement. Those kind of replies are just what I need, but apparently I need more!!
I wish I had read this in the morning - today was the day of the meeting I keep going TO but not INTO, today I didn't even bother trying 'cause I knew I'd just leave anyway.
I KNOW it's what would be best for me, so I will make a commitment to trying next week (sometimes I just need a firm deadline, so we'll see).
Best of luck to everyone and thanks again for all your encouragement.

cassandra2

I know what you mean about being scared. I MADE myself go. Didnt even talk about it just went. Didnt even pay attention to what kind of meeting it was because I knew I would talk myself out of it.

I have been resistant to going for the last 6 months. I kept thinking that it wasnt me with the problem. But it is me. I have become just as sick as the addict in my life and wasnt ready to admit it. My therapist told me I was just as resistant to going to meetings as an addict is going to treatment.

When I got there I was very nervous but everyone was very friendly. There were 2 other people that were new too. The meeting was a candle light meeting and they already had planned to do something different but because of the newbies they decided that sharing was the best thing to do.

When I started to speak I broke down and everyone comforted me and just said let it go. I felt so much better after I spoke. I cant tell you how many times during my story that I felt a hand reach out and rub my shoulder or heard an affirming word for someone else. It was like letting a brick off of my chest.

There are so many of us that are suffering in silence and we really dont have to anymore. I went because I had hit rock bottom. I am tired of feeling this way and need to reach out and ask for help about how to get better and make a better life for me and my kids. This ship I am on is sinking and now I finally have come to see that I cant stop without screaming out for help.

Hope that helps.....

Serenity Bound

Backtome, I remember the first Nar-anon meeting I attended (9 yrs ago) I go the courage to tell an old-time member that I wish I had known about the program sooner. His response to me was that "I was not ready" So that's my response to you, when you are ready you will not only walk there, but you will also go thru that thick door.

You will find strength, experience and hope in the meetings. You will find that the others there, are there for the same purpose as you.

Good Luck!

BackToMe

Cassandra,
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Reading your posts (I also saw your response to Cessy) helps me get the nerve up. I AM resistant - I theory I say it is what I need but there is still a part of me that says "what's the use, talking isn't going to fix anything" (interesting how "fixing" is the work I chose). In reality, I absolutely know that silence and holding things in has gotten me to this point and talking just by itself WILL be a great help to me.