Stagebear

Hey, all:
While I have been responding to others posts, I haven't really kept my story alive. So here goes.

Very brief backstory: Long term exposure to 12 steps and recovery, longest time clean: 15 years. Primary addiction was alcohol, last drink 11/03.
Relapse this past year, this time on opiates initially prescribed for chronic pain and then cancer. Led to buying off the street and loss of my job a week or so ago. Last use of illicit chemical: 01/07/09. Detoxed on suboxone, but for an in-house, 5 day taper only. Last suboxone: 1/12/09.

Thus far: clean 38 days (got my 30 day NA chip today). I had my unemployment interview yesterday morning. It was supposed to be 2/24 but they called on Saturday morning at 7:30 AM! I was honest with them in that I told them I was permitted to resign in lieu of termination. I have a signed agreement that my employer will not contest it, so it should be okay.

I've been putting my resume out online and have also started sending hard copies as follow-up. Nothing yet.

I continue to attend Intensive Outpatient although I have moved to a second phase designed for those who have a foothold in recovery. I have a sponsor who attends both NA and AA and I have an AA home group. I try to post here daily in some fashion but I always read the boards.

I know I can be gruff sometimes but mostly towards those who, like me, can intellectualize themselves into a drink or drug in a heartbeat. It's out of recognition and caring. Or, I'm just a grumpy ol' bear...

I'm lucky to have a significant other who has stood by me through a lot of humiliation (we worked for the same company) and friends who get that my struggle has been a long and varied one.

I am also involved in local theatre and will hold auditions for a show I am directing starting today. So I'll start to have some normalcy back after 30 days or more of nothing approaching normal.

Check my first posts from when I came back here. I was at bottom, digging even lower. Unsure, unsafe, unhappy. Today, just 30 odd days later, life is okay. It ain't what it's gonna be, but it sure as hell ain't what it was.

My thanks to everyone here, most especially my Atlanta Angel Amy, for sticking with me step by step. If you're new or coming back, trust me: there ain't nothing gonna get better with a chemical.

Glad to have an upbeat message today, I remain your humble servant,

whiskerkissed

Hey Bear!! It's great to hear you are moving forward in such a positive light. Just a word of caring warning, my friend. Be careful taking on too much so early in recovery. Big things often take away from the focus trying to work a program. I have had to take a leave of absence from the local humane society because my time and focus were severely torn from my working a solid program. I also hold a full-time job - which you are looking for.

Going to any lengths...

Separating from the HS was one of my lengths. I had to set my limitations or I was going back out in a heartbeat. I actually was staying sick (was pretty wasted on Tramadol for the fair we had a booth at for the whole 4 days) because the pressure setting up was more than I could fight against my disease for. I hadn't even started in my step-working guide with my then sponsor...but I was attending meetings.

It sounds like you have a talent in the theater...but don't let it give your disease any wriggle room...and allow yourself a back-up plan in case you feel that wriggle room getting invaded and the show must go on.... A co-producer could come in real handy...

Sugah

Your post elicited an ear-to-ear smile from me.

(My husband was a theater man in a past life. Have a GREAT time with it!)

Peace & Love,
Sugah

lostbutterfly

Nice to hear it, grumpy ol' bear!!

LB xx

Stagebear

Thanks!

I have a great production team and my sponsor and IOP counselor are aware, as are my friends in the theatre. I was willing to bow out if it interfered with IOP or meetings, but it appears that won't be necessary.

I need some sense of return to a bit of normalcy while I continue my quest for recovery at any lengths.

whiskerkissed

Excellent.... Sometimes that return is exactly what it takes. I'm smiling for you, too!

serenityqueen

AphroditeLite

Thanks for the update, Bear. Keep it up. BTW, I'm a theatre person, too. Working w/school children right now. I love being able to really engage with something that I'm passionate about now that I'm clean!

KITTYCAT12

CONGRADULATIONS ON 38 DAYS! SUPER, SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO DO 1 MINUTE AT A TIME. I ALMOST HAVE 90 DAYS. KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK. AND IT IS WORK.

Impurrfect

(((Bear)))

You have made my day!!!! I am so proud of you and 38 days is AWESOME!!! Don't fret over the job...the right one will come along, when it's supposed to. Obviously, it's more important that you work on recovery and your theatre right now...remember..you're right where your supposed to be.

luv ya!

Amy